When the World is Dark
by Departed
Summary: Alice/Bella. You are poisoned by your memories - deprived of the scorching flame that once flickered inside you. What is brought forth instead is nothing short of a spark that reawakens the fire in your veins. You say it's love... but I call it passion.
1. Prologue

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating: **K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Old Summary: **When Bella jumped off the cliff, she did it as an attempt of suicide. She wakes up in the hospital with no memory of the Cullens, and is told of her relationship with Edward. So... why does she fall for his sister instead?

**A/N:** Before you read, please bear in mind that this is an Alice/Bella story – as in, two women seeking a relationship, falling in love, and having sex.

The first few chapters take place in _New Moon, _then the plot gradually slips into the events of _Eclipse._

_**This story is currently under construction. **_

* * *

**Emmett**

"Hey, Bella. What's this?"

As Emmett's rough voice snapped me from my reverie, I reluctantly lifted my head from one of the novels I was reading. I could make out his bear-sized outline behind the doorway, rummaging through a bag.

"What's what?" I asked in a bored tone. It wasn't as if I didn't enjoy Emmett's company. After getting to know him over the summer, I happened to learn a thing or two about the man… vampire… I thought of as the big brother I never had, but truly wanted.

He enjoyed a variety of games, particularly Bella taunting.

"This," he began, and I watched as he held out a long, thin object covered in a pink, plastic wrapping. The usual blush crept down neck and I immediately stood up to snatch it away.

But he persisted to annoy me, not even moving an inch as I reached up towards him.

"You're blushing!" His booming laugh erupted through the room, causing me to blush a darker shade.

"Emmett!" I shouted irritably. "Why were you looking through my bag? It's private!"

"Because you weren't paying any attention to notice," he replied. "You still didn't answer my question."

"It's none of your business."

"On the contrary, it is," he said. "You are now Edward's girlfriend, and _as _Edward's girlfriend, it's my job to make sure he's safe from weapons you carry in your bag."

"You can't be serious." I rolled my eyes, knowing very well it was another one of his pathetic attempts to joke around. A human – clumsy and fragile – and a danger to one of the most dangerous creatures in the world? I could've laughed at the thought. "You really don't know what it is?"

He shook his head, oblivious to just how far he was taking my humiliation.

Sighing, I placed two of my fingers around the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. "It's a tampon."

I waited for his reaction, anything to elicit a shameful response on my part and hide away until Edward came back. But it never came, and I hesitantly opened my eyes.

"A what?"

I groaned. "You have got to be kidding me!" I used his moment of curiosity to steal the item from his hand. "You never took health class in school?"

He snorted. "Why? Rose teaches me everything."

I felt my face grow hot once more, unable to shield away from the images that abruptly emerged from my subconscious.

Shuddering, I said, "Maybe because they're for humans…" I paused, unsure how to phrase this. "Well, for girls, really, to stop the bleeding."

"Human girls just bleed randomly?"

I shook my head. "Well, no. It happens every month when our… it's just our way to get us prepared for pregnancy. It's no big deal."

A mischievous grin played his lips. Oh God. Nothing good ever came through _that _expression.

"Pregnancy, huh? I think I'm enjoying this health lesson. So where does the blood leave, Bella?"

His question caught me off guard, and I was immediately thrown into another wave of embarrassment. "I'm not talking about this, Emmett."

"No, let me get this straight. You stop the bleeding by sticking a 'tampon' up a girl's-"

"EMMETT!" I turned around, plugging my ears, though it didn't do much. I could still hear him.

"Do you think Rose will like it if I use it on her?"

**Rosalie**

It was incredibly and exceedingly awkward. And I'm not just talking about the kind of awkward you get when you ask a stupid question to a friend or your crush. I'm talking about the silence there is when you're in the same car with a bloodsucking vampire that absolutely despises you.

What a shame, huh?

I sighed, awkwardly, and turned my head slightly to obtain a quick glance of the gorgeous blond sitting beside me. Her golden locks were tucked neatly behind her ears as she concentrated on the road, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"I know Edward asked me to drive you back, but that doesn't give you a reason to stare at me," she stated plainly, though I could still make out the irritation in her tone.

I looked away immediately.

"I wasn't staring," I murmured lightly. What a mistake.

"Nor did I give you a reason to speak to me."

I bit my lower lip, begging myself to bite hard so I could draw blood. It was probably the worst thing to do when the vampire you're with wouldn't hesitate to kill you, and brutally, I might add.

"Thank you," I whispered. I knew she could hear. "For saving me back there."

It was silent, just as I had expected. What I didn't expect was her to respond.

"Thank Alice. She had the vision."

It surprised me, really, to hear words come out of Rosalie's mouth that _weren't _rude. I thought about them, smiling as I realized that I did owe Alice a thank you. Edward was hunting, and if it weren't for either of them, I would still be stuck with a desperate Mike Newton who I so conveniently met in Port Angeles.

"It must have been difficult for you, seeing how much you hate me," I began, now unable to think long and hard about my choice of words. Why, again, was I speaking to her? "But you have no idea how much I appreciate it."

A minute passed, and I heard her sigh, which was clearly out of character for her. It was a sigh of frustration, but there was, quite possibly, a touch of shame in there as well.

"I don't hate you, Bella," she forced herself to say. "Hate is a strong emotion, and I have no right to feel that way towards you."

My mouth, open from the shock of it all, proceeded to search for the correct words. How do I respond to that?

"I… I don't hate you, either," I stated quickly. "Not at all."

And it was silent once again, something that I embraced and took with comfort. My mind began spinning to the point of dizziness, and I took one last glance at the girl beside me.

Was that a smile?

I turned around to face the window, watching several buildings pass by in a flash. It wasn't much but a slight curve on the lips, but it was still there. A smile.

It must have been a dream.

**Carlisle**

"Carlisle, can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Of course, Bella. Come, have a seat." He pointed to the chair in front of him, beside his desk. "What is it?"

Relieved that I hadn't disturbed him, I followed his directions and sat down. It was then that I realized I hadn't exactly planned this discussion out.

"I was curious," I began and fumbled around with my fingers, the nervousness finally getting the better of me. "Well, it's something I can't speak to Edward about."

He chuckled. "I understand completely," he said, his tone calm and just… _Carlisle-like_. When will I ever get over their perfection? "Your secret should be safe with me."

I nodded as I knew I could trust him with my life, but, honestly, I couldn't care less if Edward ever found out. Of course he'll be angry, but it was a conversation he always ended or never bothered to give a chance, whereas Carlisle was the complete opposite.

"Alright. I was wondering… after someone changes, or turns into a vampire," I shudder slightly at these words, "What happens to them afterward?"

He leaned forward, his gaze intense and serious. "Explain, please."

"Like… are they thirsty for blood immediately and can they be controlled? Or what about their memories? Do they have any of their human ones left? And their powers? What do you have to do to get the powers Alice or Edward have?"

I began rambling on, spilling out all the questions I pondered over ever since I found out how to even _become _a vampire. I realized I hadn't yet stopped to breathe, and in doing so, I realized Carlisle was laughing. He was actually _laughing. _

"Now I see why Edward shouldn't know about this," he told me. His face would be red from all the laughter if it were possible. "You very much want to become one of us, don't you?"

I nodded, rather desperately, before speaking again. "I'm sorry I'm asking you all these questions. You don't have to answer them if you don't want to."

"No, Bella. Of course I'll answer them. I just don't know where to start."

"Well…" I began, refraining from asking if he could change me if neither Edward or Alice could. "If I'm ever turned, what is the possibility that I'll even get a power?" I paused to think it over. "I mean, look at me. I'm so weak."

"Bella," he murmured. "You know that isn't true."

"But –"

"Really, you should know," he interrupted, his tone suddenly serious. "You are the beloved of a vampire, a deadly creature that is thought to be mythical by man. The first time Edward caught your scent, you may already know what he wanted to do to you.

"But you fought. You fought to win his heart, and even when you were in mortal danger, you continued to remain valiant. And here you are, Bella, with a family of vampires and all you worry about is wanting to become one of us.

"You're a strong girl. Clumsy," he added. "But fierce."

Staring at him, I guess it should be known that I couldn't stop myself from crying.

"And I have a strong feeling that you'll be more powerful than you think."

**Esme**

My stomach was already throbbing and turning, but as I leaned over the toilet seat, it flipped one last time before I ended up vomiting.

Edward held me, stroking my back and whispering calming words near my ear as I attempted to push him away. I didn't want him to see this. No. I didn't want him to see this hideous part of being human.

"Edward… please," I managed to whisper before choking on my own vomit. "Just wait downstairs. I'll be okay."

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself," he whispered back. What's worse is that he meant it, too.

"You won't have to, Edward," I heard through the walls of the toilet. I raised my head and smiled slightly as I took in the sight of Edward's 'mother,' Esme. "I'll stay with her."

Edward turned to me, questioning me with his eyes, and I nodded. Sighing, he kissed my forehead before he headed out, leaving me alone with the woman who was a second mother to me.

I forced my stomach out one last time and flinched when a towel was brought to my face, wiping off the remnants of that night's dinner from my mouth.

I was too weak to move, too calm to feel embarrassed. It was always a pleasure to have Esme around. For some reason, I could have these moments with her – horrible moments that I would never want Edward to see.

Just feeling the love radiating off of her was a cure enough. As she stood up and walked to the sink, I took note of all the gratitude I had failed to show her.

"I'm sorry you had to see this," I weakly murmured. "I guess eating anything you didn't cook wasn't the brightest idea."

I watched as she smiled, leaning forward to help me up. "Don't be silly, Bella. I'm more than happy to help you with anything," she said. "Besides, I'm more experienced with treating a human than Edward is."

Oh, the reality of it. Edward still had trouble remembering when I was supposed to eat, and, really, how could I remember when he was there? I could literally be starving and not notice.

"I'm always a problem, though," I told her as she helped me change from my clothes. "Every day, something happens to me, and I always bring you in. I just… _can't_ thank you enough –"

"Bella, dear," she interrupted softly, then embraced me and laid my head on her chest. "Don't you dare apologize or thank me for anything. _I _should be the one thanking you for bringing Edward such happiness. For everything. I haven't seen him smile like that in years. You can't imagine how much joy it brings me to see this entire family brought together."

I raised my head slightly to look at her, eyes questioning and combined with the affection I felt for her and her family.

As if reading my mind, she said, "And that includes you, dear. You're like a daughter to me, Bella. Not just as Edward's girlfriend, but a child as well."

My heart swelled at her words, and, hugging her tighter, she brought her lips to my forehead.

"You're part of the family now."

**Jasper**

"I know you're trying to help, Jasper, but calming me isn't the best idea right now," I angrily muttered through a pillow, attempting to pull my thoughts back together. "Stupid thickheaded, insensitive, miserable vampire."

"Bella," he began, "I know Emmett isn't usually serious…"

"I'm talking about Edward!" I shouted heatedly.

"Oh," was his reply, and I couldn't help but smile at Jasper's blatant discomfort. "What did he do this time?"

Huh, _this_ time. Obviously it was a well known fact that this wasn't the first time Edward did something stupid. "He's going to tell Charlie that Alice isn't the only one home and his 'parents'," I moved my fingers for more emphasis on the word, "are out of town."

"Why? Wouldn't that just anger your father when he finds out you lied?"

I instantly sat up to stare at the blond-headed vampire. "That's exactly what I told him!" I stated, exasperated. "But that's just what he wants! He thinks I'm spending too much time here and it'll lead to Charlie thinking things he shouldn't! How stupid is that?"

"Pretty stupid," he agreed. "That's Edward for you."

"Yeah," I muttered. "A pretty stupid Edward."

He chuckled lightheartedly, causing me to glance up at him. We were never really close, but I still looked up to him like any of the other Cullens. It was then that I actually admired Jasper for the first time, taking in his golden locks and deep scars that seemed to cover every inch of his body. He was just as beautiful.

"If it makes you feel any better, I know some things Edward probably never told you."

It took me a while to take in his words, eyes flashing in excitement as soon as they sank in. The anticipation vanished, however, as I realized this wasn't a good thing. What has Edward not told me?

"Don't worry. It isn't anything bad," he said, breaking me out of my trance. "Not for you, at least. Just… I know he enjoys watching Teletubbies when we aren't home. And I caught him dancing to Britney Spears once."

I laughed. "Really? Did he get the idea from Emmett or something?"

"Haha. That's hilarious Bella!" came Emmett's sarcastic shout from somewhere in the living room.

Jasper shrugged in amusement. "They did kiss once," he said, carelessly, and I instantly froze in my spot. "It was my fault. I was… blissful with Alice's presence at the time, and I suppose I allowed my emotions to get the better of me, which, of course affected those within a short distance…"

"So you made them kiss?" How I love blackmail.

"He's lying! That's not –"

A crash was heard downstairs, followed by Esme's angelic voice turning furious.

"EMMETT!"

**Alice**

"Alice… how many eggs did you put in that?"

"Hm… six," she replied. "Why?"

I grabbed the box from the kitchen counter and twirled it around, carefully reading the directions on the back. It was something we hadn't done, I realized, before we decided to bake a cake.

"We only needed three," I groaned, and practically flung the stupid thing across the table. "Great. No cake for Charlie, then."

"Oh, Bella. Don't be so negative." Alice scolded, then walked over to the cabinet and pulled out another box o cake mix. "Voila. Problem solved."

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed it, a smile plastered on my face. "Show off."

She bumped into me playfully, making room for herself as she continued to help me mix the batter.

She stuck her tongue out. "Nah, I'm just too smart for my own good."

"Right, and I'm too stupid for my own."

"Yup. Guess that's one word to describe you."

I mocked a shocked expression, pretending to be insulted. "You know, I never realized how rude you were."

"Bella, I'm probably the nicest person you'll ever meet." She smiled and dumped the entire box of cake mix into the bowl, disgust on her face. "And don't you forget it."

Giggling at her expression, I slid a spoon against the bowl. "It looks pretty good so far. It's all… chocolatedy."

"Chocolatedy?" She laughed. "Honestly, I think it looks disgusting." She lowered her head toward the counter, using her slender fingers to tuck her hair behind her ears as she took in the scent of the chocolate. She grimaced, causing me to chuckle. "Smells awful, too."

"Oh, really?" I muttered, holding the spoon beside her face. "You don't want to test it out first?"

"Are you kidding me? I'd rather eat –"

She paused all of a sudden, and slid her fingers down her cheeks, trailing chocolate along the way. I refrained myself from laughing and grew guilty at the sight of a disgusted Alice glaring at me through piercing eyes. I put the spoon down and grabbed a towel, apologizing along the way.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to. I swear. I just shook the spoon as a threat and it spilled," I explained, cleaning off the mess I made.

She continued to glare at me, all the while the silence growing irritating.

"Say something," I demanded. Though I hate to admit it, I was hurt by her anger. Was it really terrible to have something that tasted like dirt smear across your face?

I watched as her lips curved into a slight smirk, and, to my surprise, or horror, really, she dipped her hand into the bowl, gathering as much cake mix as she could. And, without the slightest hesitation, she spread it against my chest.

"There. Now we're even," she proudly stated. "Oh, wait. Missed a spot." She dabbed a bit of chocolate on my nose and admired her work.

I sighed. "I guess I deserved that," I forced out. "You know, I would have dumped the whole bowl on you if Charlie wouldn't kill me for making a mess."

"That would have started a cake mix fight, which I would win, I might add."

I rolled my eyes. "In your dreams," I chuckled. "You have it all over your hand."

Grabbing onto one of her fingers, I licked some of chocolate off her hand, unable to control myself at look of astonishment on her expression.

"Ew, human spit," she shouted through her laughter. "What are you going to do next? Bite me?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

She shook her head, kissing me on the cheek before making her way to the sink.

"You really are something, Bella Swan."

**Edward**

His lips lingered on mine for too little time. I desperately attempted to hold onto him, his arm, his leg, anything to heal the aching pain striking my chest as the tears trickled down my cheeks. It hurt. It hurt _so_ much.

I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything but wrap my arms, so numb, lifeless, around my wounded chest. I looked at his face, so pale and gorgeous, and my heart instantly shattered in two.

Just the thought of it was… unbearable, that he would be leaving. That he… he didn't care?

He didn't love me?

A sob escaped my lips, coming out in short, steady gasps. My knees grew weak, and I felt myself crumbling, hitting the ground with a thud as the tears spilled and the hysterics began. No. I couldn't look at him. It was too much.

But the hole in my chest merely grew, and I tightened my grip, clutching myself with all my strength as I attempted to hold onto him and pull myself together.

I was nothing but a rock, a giant ball of pain and agony. Practically nothing. I _was _nothing. He didn't want me, and I didn't even want myself.

I watched as he walked away, his figure a small outline in the distance, further away into the forest.

The pain tore at my chest, opening the hole to its largest, churning, cutting my entire body with knives.

I didn't move at the time. How could I? I mean, my reason for existence disappeared. Vanished. A part of me had died, and you don't move when fate steals your life away. I was just… dead.

**Bella**

The roar of the engine came to a sudden halt, and nothing but the sound of the wind blowing could be heard in the distance. I sat there, my hands wrapped around the steering wheel in a tight grip, before taking the keys out and making my way out the door.

It was windy out. A bit chilly and cloudy, the perfect day to blend in with my mood. I watched as the waves grew angry, fuming with rage as the winds pulled them, stronger and faster.

I followed the path through the forest, taking each step with caution as I stopped myself from falling flat on my face. Yet, I couldn't help but wonder what the point was. Wouldn't I be happy? If I could skip through all the tension of jumping off the cliff and die right then and there just by tripping? It was possible. For me, at least.

I wondered briefly where Jacob was, and I instantly felt a painful tug at my chest. I would be hurting him if I did this. After all he's done for me, after he glued the pieces I had left back together… I would be hurting him in a way that couldn't be mended.

I pushed the thought back, closing my eyes to refrain from crying. Jake was strong, I thought to myself. And no matter what Carlisle told me, I knew I was weak. I just couldn't pull myself together, no matter what. There was just no point in my existence without him by my side. No point at all.

I reached the edge of the cliff just as the wind whistled beneath the clouds, my heart thundering against my chest as I gazed into the violent waters below, hundreds of feet from where I stood.

'_Bella, don't do this.'_

I heard him again, his beautiful voice whispering into my ears, as if he were actually there. I smiled, feeling a part of the pain being lifted from my chest.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered to him, feeling the burning tears prickle my ears for what seemed like the millionth time since he left. "But I can't live without you."

'_Stop being stupid! You promised!'_

Choking through my tears, I closed my eyes and imagined him beside me, holding me. I brushed my fingers across my lips and clenched my fist, allowing a sob to break free.

"And you promised you wouldn't leave," I told him, pulling my hand down to my side. "I guess we both can't keep promises."

'_Please'._

"You won't miss me, Edward. You never loved me," I choked out. "This is for the best. You wanted me to live a human life, so guess what? Dying is part of being human."

'_Bella!'_

I closed my mind from his thoughts, trembling beneath the sheets of rain that began to fall. With one last glance below, I leaned forward and pushed myself over the edge.


	2. Chapter 1

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating: **T

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** Please excuse any flaws in this story. Because I began writing this when I was fifteen, there may be quite a few, and so you should know that this story will be undergoing severe editing.

* * *

I was engulfed by pitch darkness, kind of like what you would see at night, only lacking any source of luminosity that brought about your surroundings. It was as if I was in an endless pit, struggling against the need for air and some form of protection.

Because for some reason, it was the night that scared me. Terrified me, really, as I listened to my heart thud violently against my chest, like the beating of a drum.

And then there was me, myself, which I couldn't see nor hear, like I never existed. But I could see through my own eyes where I could be standing, and where I could be breathing.

Was I even alive?

I must have been. Wouldn't my heart have stopped beating if I weren't?

The thought immediately caused my stomach to flip, and I bent over once again to crawl into a corner. Any corner. There was just nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere to cover my wounded corpse and let the tears fall.

I let out a short gasp, one that instantly turned into a weeping scream. The shriek echoed into the night and into the vivid colors of the sky, where there was a glow, a radiance that illuminated the darkness.

Light.

My body, numb and frozen at that point, fell to the floor, and I stayed there for what seemed like an eternity, because forever just didn't seem like much anymore.

"Bella," a voice uttered, and a smile spread across my chapped lips. It sounded so familiar. "Bella, sweetheart. Please wake up. Please."

Wasn't I already awake? Wasn't I already lying here, awaiting death, or whatever it is you do here?

And then, suddenly, the agony began, a painful tug tearing at my chest and practically burning me alive. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. Flesh by flesh.

"She's losing a lot of blood," a voice said. It was different. Nowhere near familiar. "Her heart beat's slowing down. Someone hand me the defibrillator. She needs more oxygen."

It was a sharp pain, stabbing every part of my body as it spread throughout my chest and down my leg. I couldn't move it. It hurt. It hurt and I couldn't even find the will to scream.

I couldn't breathe now, nor could I feel my heart beating.

"Bella! Wake up! You can do it!"

"We're losing her!"

"She's going to lose consciousness." Cold hands then gripped tightly to my shoulders, easing the pain. "Clear!"

It was like electric current coursing through my veins, causing my skin to tingle and my heart to race at an impossible rate. I knew I was slipping into unconsciousness again.

I didn't want to go back, though. No. This was far worse than anything I had to endure alive. I was too scared to face the darkness, too scared that this would be the last time I would ever feel anything again.

It didn't take long until I realized I was screaming, an ear piercing screech that nearly shattered reality. It was too much to bear. Too… too…

"Bella."

I opened my eyes in an instant, and blinked rapidly as the light was exposed, blinding me. My entire body was wet, the moisture building up on my face and down my aching neck. Seconds passed before I realized I was in a different room, unknown to my senses, while my hands were firmly tied around something warm and soft.

My breathing came out in gasps, loud and harsh, then slow and steady as I allowed my eyes to roam around what appeared to be a white room. Tubes hung out in every direction, and I panicked the moment I realized they were going _through _my body.

Where was I?

"Bella," the voice said once again, and I instantly found the owner of it.

My eyes met up with the gaze of a middle aged man. Handsome, in a way, and it would've been more obvious within his features if his face hadn't been scrunched up in concern.

I watched as he lifted his hand, and, as it was pure reflex to flinch away from his touch, his expression then melted to one of despair.

It wasn't as if I was trying to be rude. But really, how many people just wake up and greet a stranger by your side.

I stared at him, admiring the small features on his expression that led to curiosity and interest. His brown eyes matched his hair, which was short and a bit messy. Hair had grown on his upper lip as well as his jaw, and it appeared as if he hadn't slept in days.

I had stopped breathing by then, listening to both our heartbeats as mine increased within seconds, my hand trembling as it neared his face. He just seemed so familiar…

"Dad," I whispered without the slightest thought. "Dad," I repeated. "Is… I… oh my God."

He pulled me into his arms then, holding onto to me like I would slip away from his grasp at any moment and cradled me in his chest as I cried on his shoulder.

It hurt to touch him. Physically, I should say, as the tubes began peeling off the surface of my skin, causing an annoying sting that added to the agony everywhere else.

But I didn't care. Just the feeling of having warm arms wrapped around my waist was enough to fill the hole. I belonged there, in my dad's arms.

"Bells, it's okay. Everything's going to be alright," he murmured into my ear, stroking my hair. "Just calm down. I- Oh God. You have no idea how happy I am. I thought I lost you."

"You didn't lose me, Dad," I muttered. "I just… _can't _think right now. I'm so sorry."

"Don't you dare apologize," he said. "This isn't your fault. Nothing is."

Shifting my head against his shoulder, I pretended I didn't hear him. Of course it was my fault. It usually was.

I stirred against his warm chest, tears blurring my already awful vision as I took in the sight before me. Cringing in pain, I settled myself against the bunk, my eyes drowning in the cast wrapped around my throbbing leg, chest, and soon I realized I had one around my head.

"Ow," I murmured as quietly as I could as to not worry Charlie. Psh. Like that would work.

"You okay, sport?"

A smiled formed at his old nickname for me, and I forced myself to nod despite the fact that the room was spinning.

"Dad…" I paused and took a deep breath. "What happened?"

He stared at me with an odd look in his eyes, his expression fierce and serious. It frightened me a bit to think he was angry.

"You… you don't remember, do you?"

I closed my eyes to control the dizziness and shook my head again. "Am I supposed to?"

"Bella." He paused for a moment, making my heart beat rapidly in time with his hesitation. The way he spoke made it perfectly clear that what he was about to say was to be taken by heart. "Did… did you have trouble recognizing me when you woke up?"

My eyes snapped open. A feeling of panic washed over me, which was then followed by a churning in my stomach that made me think of butterflies.

"Yes," was all I could say.

He sighed, clenching the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. "I thought so."

"Dad, what's going on?" I sat up from my uncomfortable position. It hurt to do so. "Why am I here?"

"Shh... You'll hurt yourself if you move too much."

"I'm already hurting like hell," I groaned. "What do I have? A broken leg?"

"That," and he hesitated again. "And a few other things."

I nodded understandingly, having no desire whatsoever to know what those other things were.

"You didn't answer my question," I added.

"Bells, I don't know how to say this."

"Then just say it," I urged him. "Don't worry about scaring me. I know I did something stupid, but I can handle it."

"Stupid is one word to describe it," he muttered softly. Licking his lips, he continued. "Others could be extreme, dangerous, absolutely brainless…"

"Dad."

He sighed, loosening his grip on my arm to run a hand through his greasy hair. "You jumped off a cliff, Bells."

My breath hitched as he said this. It was so quick and to the point and… his eyes smoldered in so many emotions, sorrow the most evident one. It was… unbelievable. Just the thought of tripping over the stairs was terrifying enough. With my luck, I could easily fall into a coma.

But a cliff?

Hundreds of feet in the air with nothing but violent waters, or worse, hard, cold ground? This had to have been a nightmare. Why the hell wasn't I dead?

"W-why?" I stuttered nervously, growing increasingly terrified. I knew this wasn't the bad news. "I'm in the hospital, then? Why am I still alive?"

"It's a miracle. I know," he replied, disbelievingly. "Just… when I heard what happened, I ran straight to the hospital. You have no idea-" he paused, his voice cracked. "I don't know what I would've done if Jake hadn't saved you."

"Jake?" I stood up straighter at the mention of his name, my mind creating images, blurry representations of a tall boy, lean and muscular. My heart swelled, though I couldn't exactly make out his face.

"Do you know who Jake is?"

I nodded, still smiling. "Of course. He's-" And then I abruptly stopped, realization finally sinking in. I could tell him who he was. I could tell him how we met. What I couldn't tell him was what he looked like, or how he spoke, or how he acted, smelled, walked, practically _everything. _

He was just a figment of my imagination now, shoved into the very back of my confused mind, left over for me to fill in the most important details of someone who meant everything to me.

So what did this mean? Obviously there had to be _some _consequences of doing something absolutely stupid and deadly and live to tell the tale. I couldn't even remember jumping off a cliff, for Christ's sakes!

"There's something wrong with me," I whispered, more to myself than to Charlie. "There's more to this than just a broken leg and a headache, isn't there?" I looked at him, my father, Charlie, who I've known my entire life and I couldn't even recognize immediately. "…Dad?"

He nodded weakly, and grabbed something from the desk beside me. It looked like a photo, perfectly cut to fit in the heart-shaped frame. He held it out to me, and I could clearly make out the image of a young woman holding a child near some rose bushes.

"Do you remember this? That's you, and the woman there is your mother."

I held it in my hands, which began to tremble uncontrollably. Yes. I remembered, but barely. I could see myself as a young girl, helping my mother pick out flowers in her garden, reading to me and holding onto her as I cried in the night.

She was beautiful, stunningly so, and I felt a hint of pride to know I was related to her. I placed my fingers upon her face, trailing the tips down her bright dress and back up to the smile she held on her face.

"What's her name?"

"Renee."

Tears began shedding the moment I put the photo down, allowing Charlie to take it from me. She, like Jake, was a distant memory, and it hurt so much more.

My own mother.

"They said you were in a coma," Charlie began in a soft voice, snapping from my trance. "It… was terrifying, because the possibility of you waking up was slim to none."

I nodded, unable to think or break his words down so they'd make sense.

"How long?"

"About three days," he replied. "Which is much shorter than I expected." He then placed a gentle hand upon my cheek. "But still too long."

Without thinking, I pulled away from his touch with a glare.

"What else did the doctors say?" I asked, taking a deep breath. The pain was apparent in my tone. I already had a feeling, a clue of what he was about to say.

He shifted from his position on the chair to sit beside me, and I reluctantly made room for him, the anger never subsiding.

"That… if you ever did wake up," he began, taking his gaze toward the closed window across the room. I followed his gaze, having the sudden urge to crawl out of this hell hole and hide for the rest of eternity.

"You wouldn't remember much," he finished.

And those words instantly changed in my mind to "you would lose all your memories." I closed my eyes, tightly, and held in the desperate need to scream into the silence, to thrash and writhe until I fell asleep, permanently.

It didn't do much.

Within a split second, I held a pillow to my face and screamed, ignoring the throbs my head caused, or the burning occurring in my leg as I shook off the wire that supported it.

"Aaaaauuuuugggggggg!" I moaned through the taste of my tears.

I fought against him for control until he held me tight, pulling my arms apart and stealing my only way of comfort.

"Bella, calm down!" he yelled as I continued to struggle against his restraint. "What's the matter with you?"

I stopped kicking and screaming to seethe at him. "What's wrong with me?" I practically growled through clenched teeth. "Isn't it obvious?"

He sighed, lifting his hand to cover his eyes. "Bella, listen. I didn't mean it-"

"No," I interrupted, carefully sliding off to the edge of the bed. "No," I repeated. "_You _listen."

"Bells-"

"Don't you care at all? Don't you? I-I mean, I sit here after supposedly a near death experience, and right after a coma, I find out all my fucking memories are gone!"

"It isn't for long," he said, desperately trying to reposition me onto the bed. "They said you'll start remembering and recognizing faces over time."

"Does it even matter?" I settled myself against my lumpy pillow again, too weak to move, or speak for that matter. And I tried. I tried so hard to get a good grip on any image that appeared in my mind, or any event that took place in my life. But it was all too vague. Every person I have ever met, every place I've ever visited… they were nothing to me. It was as if I was a completely different person.

"I can't remember anything," I stated, my voice lower now, tiny and frail. "I don't know who my own mother is, I can't remember who my best friends are. Hell, did I even have a boyfriend?"

I sensed Charlie's immediate unease as I said this, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. I eyed him with tear stained eyes.

"Charlie," I began. "_Why _did I do it?"

"Bells, all of this talking is doing you harm," he declared. "You need your rest."

"No. I don't." I shook my head, pulling his hand away from the button beside my bed. "I need to know. The way you reacted when I said 'boyfriend' tells me this has something to do with him."

His muscles tensed up beneath my grip. "This has nothing to do with him," he growled.

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because," he spat out, pulling away. "This has _everything _to do with him."

"But I thought you said-"

"I know what I said!" he shouted, standing up from his seat and making his way to the window. "But don't you see, Bella? I'm trying to _protect _you. There's no reason for you to know about him. He's gone now. He always was."

I wanted more than anything to just follow him and push him against the wall so he would listen. But before I could, a soft knock was heard from the doorway, followed by the arrival of what appeared to be a nurse.

She was short and stubby, but had a sort of exotic beauty added to her facial features. Her blond hair that could have cascaded down her back was held in a tight bun, matching the uniform she wore in a way. Her smile was timid and sweet, though it disappeared as soon as she laid eyes on me.

"My dear," she uttered in a sweet, feminine voice. She must've been Scottish. "Y-you're awake," she said, purely out of shock, and paused to look at the clipboard she carried. "I'll call the doctor."

"Hold up," Charlie called. "Does she have any visitors?"

The nurse nodded. "Why, yes. I came to inform you that your wife called, and she isn't able to arrive yet. The storm in Phoenix has gotten worse."

I raised my head up at the word 'wife,' causing a moment of sheer happiness to overcome my anger. My mother was coming. The woman who's taken care of me since birth… I was going to see her.

"But… we have visitors?" Charlie asked, puzzled.

The woman nodded. "A family by the name of…" She flipped a page of her clipboard, eyes wandering through names, I'm sure. "Well, they aren't available during visiting hours, but we are able to make an exception. Cullen. One of the family members by the name of Cullen claims to know Miss. Swan."

_Cullen._

I pulled my sheets over me as I slid back into bed, wondering, with eyes closed, whether or not I could remember that name. It was a common name, I might add, that could have been said on television or in a book. But have I known the Cullens in real life?

I thought hard, shutting my eyes even tighter to drain the light from my vision, unable to think of a single person that could fit into my description, or my mind, for that matter.

I failed to notice Charlie's frustration building up.

"No. Tell them she doesn't want to see them."

I open my eyes immediately. "I want to see them," I told the nurse, ignoring Charlie's piercing glares. "Tell them to come in."

"Bella, I'm telling you that-"

"Honestly, _Charlie,_" I emphasized his name, regretting it the moment I watched his face fall. "It's my own decision."

"I'm trying to protect you."

"I don't _need _protection," I declared, tilting my head back so I could sit up straight. "And I don't want it, either."

"Sir, if this is a bad time-" The nurse began.

"No, it's not a bad time," I interrupted softly. "Please. Let them in."

"It's only one member," the nurse nervously stated. "She never stated her full name, but she claims her family is out of town. She wants to see if you're all right before contacting them."

"Of course."

The woman nodded once, eyeing both my father and I for any other specific directions before heading out the door.

And I sat there, undisturbed for merely a brief moment, feeling this sudden… _longing_ to see the people I once knew in what seemed like a past life to me. Just the fact that it was a family, not just a friend or siblings of that friend, but a real _family _caused my heart to swell up in a way that not even Charlie could ruin.

Or so I thought.

"Bella, just listen to me, will you?" He grabbed my hand in his, the hurt on his face clear and certain. "Nothing good is going to come out of this… this _reunion_. He left you, Bells. He left you in the middle of the forest to cry, and you haven't heard of him or the rest of the Cullens since then, which was months ago."

As he said this, I instantly felt the guilt dominate my emotions. What was he implying? That they were my enemies? And who was 'he'?

"What are you talking about, Dad?"

He sighed. "I didn't want this to happen. I thought this could be a way to start over, and you could live your life like you never met him."

I remained silent, hundreds of questions roaming through my head at the same time, the most common one being who he was talking about.

"You were always a magnet for danger, Bells. Hopefully you still know that." He chuckled, though the humor never reached his eyes. "You fell in love with this boy, the youngest of the Cullens."

I gripped my sheets tighter than necessary.

"Please don't misunderstand. The Cullens were… are wonderful people. I knew his father, and I was very fond of his sister," he continued. "It was just… _him _I disliked, and it wasn't because he had stolen my little girl.

"I couldn't stop who you wanted to be with. What kind of Dad would I be if I didn't let you see him?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I finally knew what a true monster he was when I found you on the forest ground, and you continued to say his name, saying he left, and you never knew why.

"Ever since then, you've never been the same. You were always miserable, lifeless. I just couldn't stand it… stand the thought that this one boy did this to you."

I listened to him intently, grabbing onto as many words as I possibly could and translating them into a language I could understand. But that still proved to be more difficult than I thought. I was in… love? I had a boyfriend who loved me back, and he just left?

"What was his name?" I choked out, flinching as the pain tore through my chest.

"Edward," he murmured, watching the doorway. "Edward Cullen."

Just as he said it, the door opened, and we were greeted by a middle aged man in a doctor's outfit. He was tall, lanky, and bald, though he appeared to be kind just by smile he held on his lips when he caught my eye.

"Good evening, Mr. Swan. My name is Dr. Scott, and I'll be substituting Dr. Nicolas for the remainder of Isabella's stay here," the doctor said, shaking hands with Charlie.

"Nice to meet you," Charlie said. "Will you…"

"Yes, I'll be checking Isabella to see if she has any health issues, or if surgery is required for any reason. She should be ready to go in no time," he replied, though hesitantly. "We may have talked to you about the side effects of her recovery…"

They were whispering now, causing me to grow angry at their secrecy. I was right there and they didn't have the nerve to talk about me so I could hear?

"Yes, um…" Charlie spoke, bringing his hand up to scratch his neck, all the while glancing back toward me. "You're probably right about that, Doctor. She's…"

"She's suffering from memory loss," the doctor finished, with no difficulty whatsoever. "I understand. We may have to perform another Neuropsychological test on her to check for other brain damages. It's possible she could be suffering from other symptoms that could vary. Please. If you could excuse us…"

"Yes, yes. Of course," Charlie added, stepping aside, and he turned to me. "Bells, you'll be okay. The doctor's just going to check to see if you're alright."

I nodded in response, calling out to him before he could leave.

"Dad!"

He turned.

"Tell the nurse I don't want any visitors," I declared, almost as if it were forced out. "I don't want to see anyone until I leave this place."

He smiled at me, proudly. "Will do, sport."

And I watched as he left, turning on his heel and leaving me with the weird man that wouldn't stop smiling.

He was my father, wasn't he? And I wanted him to be happy… right?

I just couldn't understand why it felt like I had made the wrong decision.


	3. Chapter 2

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating: **K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** Enjoy :)

* * *

"_We can start with something simple, Bella," the man said to me, his voice a calming. "Are you familiar with your identity?"_

_His words, a mixture of confusion and clarity, faded into my mind within a few moments of pondering. "I… think so," I muttered. I was dizzy, as usual. Just roaming through the memories I had left wasn't exactly treating it. "My name is Isabella Swan. Bella for short. I'm eighteen, and I lived in Phoenix with my mother before she decided to marry a guy named Phil, which is why I'm here now, in Forks. I live with my father, Charlie, and attend Forks High School."_

_He nodded. "And your childhood?"_

"_Parts of it," I whispered, shifting in the uncomfortable chair they placed me in. Stupid lumpy pillows. "I remember more now than when I woke up. I sort of have some clear images of my mother and I together, and the house we lived in. But now that I've met her, I guess that's to be expected."_

_He smiled, as if he liked my answer._

"_I remember doing ballet lessons, and it didn't last long because I was always too clumsy," I laughed slightly, despite my irritation and desperate need to escape. "I remember the schools I went to, and all the bullying I had because I'm so pale. I still have my moments in the past, like in the park or at the beach."_

"_You're progressing, Bella."_

_I shrugged. "I guess so."_

_And then he leaned forward, casting his face into the light so I could see the extra features plastered on his face. He was pretty old, judging by the wrinkles on his face, and the bags under his eyes along with his messy, brown hair told me he didn't sleep too often._

_How could anyone live like that without sleep?_

"_Now we begin with the present," he said, sincerity washing over his facial expression. "What do you remember of your life here in Forks?"_

_I fought the urge to roll my eyes and instead, closed them, shutting my mind away from the present. "Not much," I mumbled softly. "I mean… I sort of have an idea of what Forks looks like, and I can recognize my school, along with a few things of my first few days there."_

_My eyes fluttered open and, sighing, I tilted my head up to face the ceiling. _

"_I'm confused."_

"_That's to be expected."_

"_What's going to happen to me?" I looked at him, feeling my heart drop as the words sunk in for the first time. "I mean, am I ever going to remember everything? It feels like I have my memories there, locked away, and I'm replacing them with my imagination."_

_He eyed me, curiously. "What do you mean?"_

"_I don't know how to explain it," I stated. "At night, I… sort of see someone. In the shadows, watching me. I think it's a girl, but I can't really tell. She doesn't seem familiar, but it's as if I'm imagining her, like my mind is telling me I knew her in the past."_

"_You're dreaming, Bella. It isn't possible for someone to sneak in without being caught by security," the man said, grabbing a pen to most likely jot down parts of our conversation. "But it's good to dream. You'll fill in the holes that way."_

"_So…" I suddenly found my hands to be extremely entertaining._

"_Luckily for you, this isn't permanent." I looked at him, suddenly finding _him _to be fascinating. "You'll be remembering soon, Bella, but rather slowly. Judging by your quickness to recovery, your memory will be filled piece by piece as you go on with your life._

"_The only problem is," he continued, pausing. "For now, you will be unable to recognize the places and faces around you, which is nothing serious when it comes to amnesia. Several things that you do everyday such as putting away your clothes may seem confusing to you, but you will recover. It's a bit unusual, though, that your fall blocked out the recollection of your life from your recent years."_

"_You mean since I came to Forks?"_

_He nodded. "It happens at times. But it is unusual. When a person suffers from depression and afterward, memory loss, that person tends to forget the cause of it, psychologically blocking those memories from the mind, all the while maintaining the ones beforehand._

"_The best idea is to look through photo albums to help you remember, and merely stay with the people you once knew."_

"You aren't superman, you know."

"I know that!" I snapped.

Frowning, the woman held her head lower, eyes piercing through the clipboard as she jotted something down. The sound of a pen scribbling against paper broke through the tight silence.

I sighed.

"Sorry," I muttered, carelessly. "I'm not usually like this. I swear."

I turned my head toward the window for the twentieth time, closing my eyes for a brief moment. Two weeks. Two weeks was all it took to drive a girl insane. Now I knew why I always hated hospitals.

It was raining outside, which wasn't particularly abnormal for a town like Forks. This was one thing I learned throughout these miserable lectures, or lessons, as they called them. The rest I couldn't remember.

Ironic, huh?

As I listened to the rain splatter against the window sill in light drops, I decided to try this one more time. With a struggling leap, I placed my crutches on the floor and stood, only to fall backward once again in a loud thud against the couch.

A low growl vibrated through my heaving chest, and I, reluctantly, gazed back at the woman in front of me.

It didn't help that she had a tight smile plastered on her enormous lips.

"Bella," she sighed, supporting her head with her hands. "I understand that you're struggling with your temper. And that's perfectly normal. I'm sure Dr. Scott mentioned that mood swings would be a side effect?"

"Yes, he did," I calmly replied. "Though he didn't say anything about my clumsiness getting any worse." I picked my leg up to place it on the table, gaining the sudden urge to scratch that annoying prickle occurring within the cast. "And I didn't even think that was possible."

She laughed. "Well, no. But you _are_ currently handicapped."

"Will it annoy you if I ask how long this will last again?"

She frowned slightly, and, as if hesitating, asked, "Which part are you talking about?"

I should have known this would be brought up again.

"My leg," I responded with the utmost politeness I could possibly muster. "And my head… unless the room itself is spinning and I'm not imagining it."

"You _are _currently in a terrible position, Bella," she responded lightly. "Your leg should heal within six to ten weeks. And until then…"

"I have to wear this stupid cast," I finished.

She nodded. "Honestly, it depends. Your father already scheduled an appointment for you to visit us in two weeks, and we'll see how it goes."

"Right," I agreed, my tone blatantly bored and dull. "Soo… I guess I'll see you in two weeks, then."

"Hold up," she grabbed onto my arm, squeezing it tightly to stop me from leaving. I could have laughed. Did she really think I could go anywhere with a giant marshmallow as a leg?

"I thought you said I'd be leaving today?"

"You are, Bella."

"So then…"

The woman sighed, and brought her glasses to the very tip of her nose. "Your father also scheduled several appointments with a psychiatrist," she began, as if it weren't such a big deal. "He thought it best if you could talk to someone about the incident."

I stared at her for a moment, unable to translate her words into proper English. _"A psychiatrist?"_

"That's right." She nodded. "Do you know what a psychiatrist is?"

"Of course. But why," I paused, feeling the unbearable heat of my blood creeping up my cheeks. "Why would I need one?"

"Because, Bella," she stated, a tinge of sorrow sparkling in her deep brown eyes. "We think… we think you may have attempted to commit suicide. After what your father told us about your recent behavior, it's the only reasonable explanation we have of why you would have jumped off that cliff."

"Suicide," I repeated, disbelievingly. _Suicide?_ I thought it over, placing a strand of hair behind my ear as it began to irritate me. _Didn't that mean to kill yourself?_

"Do you think this is true?" she asked, and I looked at her, eyes emotionless, unable to comprehend as I watched her lips move up and down. "Do you have any idea of why you could have done it?"

I had a feeling. That I was sure of, as I briefly remembered Charlie's words when I awoke. I was in love. I was helplessly in love with a boy, and he left me without a single indication of where or even why.

I couldn't say it wasn't possible, because it was, especially with the magnet glued up my ass for danger. But what I couldn't understand was why. Why would I go through so much emotional pain over one person? And even physical pain?

"I want to go now," I murmured. "Where's my Dad?"

"Bella, I underst-"

"Just schedule the appointments. I don't care." I gently placed my leg against the floor, feeling the hardness of the cast rub against my sore knee. "I just want to go home."

Nodding once, she wrapped her thin fingers around the office phone, and I listened to the annoying ringing of the telephone line before she spoke.

"Hello? Yes, can you please call a Mr. Charlie Swan to room D31?" She paused. "Yes, she's being sent home today. Alright. Thank you."

Silence.

I lowered my head and stared dejectedly out the window. The rain was pouring now, falling in sheets rather than the usual drops, and it made me wonder why I happened to enjoy this weather when I was from Phoenix, a sunny and happy go jolly city. Or so they say.

Minutes passed before voices could be heard outside, and just listening to the one belonging to Charlie made my heart swell in excitement.

Why did all the doctors here have to creep me out?

The door slowly creaked open, and Charlie's head stuck out from the edge.

"Hey, Dad!" I called out to him, more than ready to escape this prison.

He smiled, though the brightness was completely drained from his face. I felt guilty for allowing him to stay with me for the past few weeks.

I was too tired to argue with them when they wanted to place me on a wheelchair.

"I know you dislike being portrayed as weak, Bella," the woman with the big lips had said to me. I still couldn't remember her name. "But you aren't ready yet to walk on your own."

I had no idea I was really that heavy until Charlie decided to carry me into the car. Either that, or he was really out of shape, which might explain the brief images of him fishing popping up. My leg throbbed painfully beneath the door, but I had no desire to guilt Charlie into thinking he couldn't even carry his own daughter. He had a reason.

It was raining cats and dogs outside.

"You okay, Dad?" I asked him as soon as he placed himself into his seat, slamming his head against the top of the car.

I giggled.

"Of course, of course," he breathed out, struggling for oxygen. "Just…" He sighed, and gazed back at me, wincing with a hand on his head. "Put your seatbelt on, Bells. Who knows what could happen with this type of weather?"

I obeyed and, lazily, reached an arm over my chest to grab onto the strand and pulled it toward me. I looked at it, and then at the opening between our two seats, thinking, wondering.

Wasn't there supposed to be something to clip the seatbelt in?

Charlie, sensing my confusion, chuckled beneath his breath. "Here, Bells."

I helped him, and six profanities later as he struggled to find the clip that was _under _the seat, we were on the road and into the somewhat familiar town of Forks. I held my breath the entire way there, too shocked for air or even words as I gazed through the glass of the car, intrigued by the sights I held, despite the fact that this was most likely the least interesting place to visit in the country.

I didn't care, though. Anywhere was good as long as I didn't have to look at another hospital again. I pressed my face against the window sill, relishing the chills that were sent down my neck. I ran my fingers against the glass and watched as my fingerprints appeared within. I brought them lower, marking through the whiteness.

My eyes shifted over to Charlie's side, and a feeling of recognition sank in as we passed by some sort of territory.

He caught my gaze.

"Do you remember that place, Bells? It's La Push," he stated, a suspiciously happy tone in his description. "That's where Jacob lives. He's coming to visit you today."

"Really?" The mention of Jake's name brought a smile to my lips. It was nice to know I could recognize someone.

"Uh huh," he muttered, turning into a sharp corner. "I forgot to tell you. He says he's sorry for not coming. He was a bit busy with his father, and an old friend of mine. He died of a heart attack recently."

I frowned. "Oh, Dad. I'm sorry!" I admit I felt horrible for his friend, though what made it worse was there could have been a funeral. "You shouldn't have stayed with me. Did you know you look terrible without any sleep?"

He chuckled, heartlessly. "Yes, I've been told." But then he paused and, as if reading my mind, said, "Harry was a good fella', but you mean the world to me, Bells. I wouldn't leave you there alone with those creepy doctors."

I smirked. So he thought so, too?

"Carlisle was also a good man," he sighed. "It's a shame he had to leave."

My face scrunched up at the mention of his name. Did Carlisle die, too?

But before I could ask, I felt myself being lifted from the seat as we hit a bump on the road, causing me to slam my elbow against the handle of the door. I refrained from crying out.

"We're here."

It took, literally, a heartbeat before I realized what he was talking about. It was too blurry to make out the details, but we were in some sort of driveway, and in front of me lay a small house that looked to be about one or two rooms. It was rather shady, just like the rest of this town, though the trees did add a bit of scenery. It wasn't much, but I instantly felt at home.

"Need help, sport?" Charlie asked, running through the sheets of rain as he reached my side of the car.

I rolled my eyes, playfully. What was I going to do? Fly there?

Arms wrapped firmly around my waist and legs, he held me up, hesitating before leaning me over so I could grab my crutches.

"Bells, maybe the wheelchair would be a better-"

"Just go!" I ushered him, as politely as I could, but impatiently while I became soaking wet. Water dripped down my face and clothes, and the fact that I was being held by someone who probably hasn't exercised in years didn't help much, either.

He dashed to the front and in a flash, we were inside. Cold and shivering, I was overwhelmed by the warm sensation of a cozy household, though the appearance didn't agree. It looked like a hobo rented the place for a few weeks.

"Home sweet home," he whispered, carefully placing me on the ground, all the while balancing me with a single arm. Crutches firmly held, I wobbled from side to side, taking hold of Charlie's arm before finally standing still.

I sighed in relief, yet I could feel the imminent approach of a disaster just waiting to happen.

"You all right?" he asked.

I nodded. Perplexed, I gazed around the small room, admiring every object and every doorway. It was all so foreign to me. Even when the inside was smaller than what it appeared outside, I still had the urge to look around some more, roam through the kitchen and the living room, see the world outside with my own eyes. Not just through a car window.

But instead, I slowly made my way to the very edge of the stairs, assuming that was where my room was located.

I stayed quiet when Charlie helped me up again.

"Need help getting to your room?" I heard Charlie ask. I was already on my feet, and I didn't bother turning around.

"No. It's fine," I replied, taking a step forward. "I think I can manage."

"You sure? I'd hate to see another accident from you."

I laughed internally at the thought. _Another _accident? Who said anything about my fall down the cliff being an accident? _I _didn't even know what it was, and people were already suggesting it was an attempt at suicide. And the worst part was… I actually believed it.

"Don't worry, Dad." I tried to make a joke out of it. "I'll _try _not to fall. Hopefully that's good enough."

He nodded, unsure. So much for the humor.

"I'll go ahead and make dinner, though I can't make any promises that it'll be any good. You were the chef around here," he chuckled. "Just make yourself at home. I'll check up on you in a bit."

I watched as he made his way down the stairs and to the kitchen. The moment the pots and pans began clanging, I began walking with caution, as if my life depended on it.

The hallway was dark and creaky. Each step made a noise against the wooden floors, making it seem more like a haunted house than a couple's home owned by a middle aged man. There was only one bathroom up there, which I desperately tried to ignore. Just the thought of brushing my teeth over spares of Charlie's facial hair made me shiver.

There was Charlie's room, which I passed by without the slightest attention, and then there was mine. The door groaned as I pushed it open, a loud screech that echoed against the walls.

Closing it behind me, a clear image of it was all I needed to know this was a part of my memory that couldn't be forgotten. I remembered it as a child as I grew up here during the summers. A bed lay in the corner, next to the window as the day turned into night, and the humid air outside faded into a chilly atmosphere.

Why was my window open?

I quickly limped over to shut it, shivering as a blast of wind made its way through. But I acknowledged it. I admired the rain that spilled across the leaves, soaking through my sheets. The desire to have the wind blow across my face, prickling my skin with goose bumps was strong. Wonderful, in fact.

It was cold. Certainly freezing. And I loved every minute of it.

"Is this what you do during your free time? You really are an odd girl."

My body froze to the spot in an instant motion, my heartbeat growing insanely quick. I couldn't stop the frightening thoughts occurring in my mind, nor could the uncontrollable trembling come to a halt.

I gazed back at the eyes of a young woman, standing completely still in the shadows, motionless. Her eyes, though too dark to see, was a piercing golden color, intent and beautiful. She was short, petite, as one may call, with spiky, black hair.

She was pale, whiter than me, but what stuck out the most was her beauty, so inhumanly gorgeous that the increase of my heartbeat could have been mistaken just by looking at her… if I weren't completely and utterly terrified.

If I hadn't known better, she could have passed off as dead, if it weren't for the fact that she was standing and _holding _me in her arms in less than a second.

I didn't even see her move!

I was shaking, my breathing coming out in short and uneven gasps as the girl's arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly. She was so cold. So hard.

"Bella," she whispered. "Bella," repeated into my ear. I was too shocked to move. "I saw you jump. I saw! How could you possibly be alive? How- I-I… I thought you were dead!"

And then she let go of me, and with her release came the oxygen I desperately needed. But the shock hadn't worn off, and neither did the terror.

"I'm going to kill him. Mark my words, that boy is dead. I can't believe this happened! I should have seen it!" She was walking now, back and forth at a quick pace, her mouth moving just as fast. She was talking, babbling, really, but all I could hear was her voice, which was that of an angel's.

I was easily distracted by her swift movements, so graceful and elegant, like a ballerina's. And I was startled again as she came to a sudden stop in front of me.

"Bella," she repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream for help, to run away and call for Charlie. Anyone. But I had a feeling she could stop me, effortlessly. And not only that, but I somehow knew she wasn't a danger. She would have done something already if she wanted to. She just seemed…

…harmless.

"Bella."

Her eyes smoldered with some kind of emotion. I watched as her hand made its way to my face, and I moved away.

That still didn't mean I shouldn't be cautious.

Blood still racing, my breathing became calmer, more controlled. I took a deep breath, looking for my voice.

"I… I'm sorry," I stuttered, rather stupidly. "But…who are you?"

I watched curiously as a great deal of emotions darted across her face. The first one I could make out was shock, or horror, really, as she scrunched up her face in a humorous way. Though it didn't take anything away from her beauty. And then I saw… sorrow.

She stood there, as if thinking. But I couldn't be sure. I knew something was wrong as the pain reflected across her smoldering eyes.

An aching tug wrenched at my chest.

"Bella," she began, the pain evident in her melody of a voice. "I know you're upset. I told him. I told him we shouldn't have left, but _please. _Don't pretend like you don't know me."

…What?

"No," I shook my head, revealing what little bit of courage I had left. "You don't understand. I mean- I." I sighed. Would she kill me for acting stupid? "I'm telling you the truth. I _really _don't know you."

I froze.

"Are you a friend of mine?" I asked, suddenly realizing I haven't even given a thought to the people I once knew.

Her breath hitched up in her throat. She gaped at me, blinking rapidly, and for a moment I thought she had disappeared. But she appeared by my side almost instantly, causing me to gasp in surprise.

"_Bella, _you have to listen to me." Her face was an inch from mine, hypnotizing me with her powerful gaze. "What happened? _Why _did you jump off that cliff?"

"Jumped… off…?" She knew. But… _how_? Did word spread out that quickly?

"Yes! The cliff!" She practically shouted, panicking. "What is going on Bella? Why-" Her words fell softly from her lips, and she stopped halfway through her sentence. "I saw this," she added. "I saw this… but I couldn't believe it."

I couldn't resist the urge to press my back against the wall, the open window catching my attention. I looked at it, and, slowly, toward the girl in front of me, suddenly realizing I had seen her before.

"You're the girl from my dreams," I whispered, my voice wavering. And, knowing how obscure that sounded, I said, "You were at the hospital, weren't you? You were there. I wasn't imagining it."

The girl sighed and leaned forward, hesitantly placing a hand upon my cheek. I didn't have the will to flinch away this time. But I could feel the chills run down my back. The series of electric currents pulsing through my veins as her flesh touched my own.

She was so cold.

"Who are you?" I repeated the question once more, but in a calm tone, almost peaceful.

"Alice," she stated softly. Quietly. "Alice Cullen."

I scanned her angelic face for anything, any sign of a lie or - or a joke. But she remained expressionless, impossible to decipher.

I slid my back against the wall, unable to care about the throbbing pain in my leg as it hit the floor with a slam. All I could think about was Cullen. Alice _Cullen. _The name, so awfully familiar, ran through my mind like a thousand fireworks shooting across the sky. And it was all because Charlie had told me about them.

About _him._

"Edward," I uttered beneath my breath, clearing not thinking properly as I said his name.

The girl, Alice, lowered her small body to confront my own, eyeing me with the utmost curiosity.

"Do you remember him, Bella?" She asked, her eyebrows crinkled in concern, but her voice told me better. Excitement, perhaps? Relief?

I shook my head, unable to control the amount of emotions streaming through my body at the moment, anger being the most vivid one of them all.

"You left," was all I could mutter. "Y-you're the reason I jumped. It's because you left… because _he _left."

I didn't know what I was saying. But this feeling… I sensed it again. Just like in my dreams, the hole in my chest tugging, ripping apart my flesh.

And then there were my thoughts, a complete mess of thoughts pouring into my mind. Cliff. Suicide. Pain. Charlie. Amnesia. Cullen. Edward. Alice. Edward. Alice.

Edward.

Alice.

I didn't even realize I was starting to cry until I felt something cold wrap around my wrist. It was Alice, holding my hand in hers as she brought me closer. Her small arm snaked around my waist, comfortably, and I leaned my body into her chest, digging my face against her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to Alice after a few moments of sobbing. I brought my head up to look at her, realizing with some humiliation that both her arms were neatly tucked around my waist, her thumb caressing the back of my palm. "I don't know why I started crying. I'm just an emotional wreck right now. I shouldn't have thrown myself at you like that."

I shifted my position as an attempt to stand up, but she held me, tightly, embracing me once again in a comforting fashion. And I immediately relaxed into her gentle hold.

"Don't apologize, Bella," Alice whispered to me. "Please don't," she declared. "I'm the one who should apologize. And… oh God," she whimpered painfully. "You couldn't possibly know how terribly sorry I am, Bella. We all are."

"Then why did you do it?" I breathed out, hesitantly. "What happened, Alice? I just… _don't _understand. At all."

She was silent for a moment, her body stiff and cold against mine. I wasn't entirely sure why I was allowing myself to become at ease. Charlie had barely crossed that margin.

But Alice was different, I thought. It just… sort of… felt like we were always close.

I looked up at her, once more, to see her eyes tightly shut, looking in a direction that made it seem like she was staring off into space. Her body became stiffer, if that was even possible, and I was frightened by a noise, low and rough, erupting through her chest.

She was growling.

I broke away from her embrace as she opened her eyes, and the anxiety radiating off of her could be sensed from a mile away.

With a quick, swift movement, she stood up in a blur and was across the room before I could even blink.

I blinked.

Too late.

She grabbed what appeared to be a sheet of paper from a desk, sliding her hand across the wood so quickly, it was all just a haze. It was nearly impossible to catch up with her movements, so swift, graceful… so remarkably fast.

I didn't even see her leave until she came to a halt before me. Her face seemed to twinkle in the moonlight, though she held a rather large amount of panic to spread across her expression, easily transferring the fear to me.

"Bella," Alice breathed out, her arms slipping around my upper body to support me as I was about to fall. "Bella, you have to listen to me. He needs you," she stated in a hurry. "I know this may seem too much for you, but you have to understand. Our family needs you. _Edward _needs you."

"No. I –" I couldn't finish.

"You're…" Alice placed me on the bed, and just the amount of strength enforced to carry me was enough to prove it. "You're not human."

It wasn't a question.

She kept eye contact with me, her gaze strong and powerful, but calm. Peaceful, in fact.

And just when I thought it would be impossible to look away, to actually feel the air fill my lungs, a noise could be heard outside, like a growl, but louder.

"Bella, please look at me."

I did.

"I could never force you to do this," she whispered urgently. "It's our burden to pay, and I cannot simply ignore the fact that it was because of us that you were put in danger." Her voice cracked softly beneath her words. "All I can ask of you is to remember."

She held my hand again, sneaking what appeared to be the piece of paper she had written on. The rumbling outside grew louder, closer.

"You have a visitor," Alice stated, softly. "He knows I'm here." And she stood, releasing me from her grip as she climbed through the window sill. "I have to go."

And before I could even consider what she was about to do, she was gone in a flash. Vanished. Through the window and into the darkness.

I couldn't possibly register what was going on outside. My eyes were glued to the open window before me, dazed and struck by the arrival of a Cullen. And the only thing that Charlie hadn't told me was what had invaded my mind.

They were different.

I didn't have the slightest clue of what I was involved in before the accident, before my memories of the Cullens disappeared. What I was aware of, however, was that I wasn't afraid.

Of them, at least.

I was afraid of not being afraid, because that was all I needed for a recipe for disaster.

"Bella! Jake's here!" Charlie's call echoed through the thin walls of the house, causing me to break away from imagination land.

An object between my fingers caught my attention. And I held it, unsure of what to do with the note Alice had given me as the thoughts attacked my mind like a tornado.

I sighed, and, hesitantly, stuffed it in my pocket as I slowly made my way to the door.

It would have to wait.


	4. Chapter 3

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** As to why the Italy scene is skipped, Bella was in the hospital when the reunion between her and Alice was supposed to take place. Because Jake was the one to save Bella and Charlie was with her, there was no one in the house to answer Edward's phone call. You can take it from there :)

* * *

With my head against the glass window, I fought back a yawn that threatened to escape. I was tired.

No.

Tired was an understatement. I was absolutely exhausted.

Drained from any little bit of energy I could possibly conserve, and the fact that I was about to step out of the car, my own personal bed, to a world of books and strangers for seven straight hours wasn't exactly the type of cure I needed.

But I attempted, which is what counted for the most part, to hide this fact from Charlie. My eyes fluttered closed, like there was some kind of gravitational pull dragging them down, and it was then that I found out how observant Charlie could be in the mornings, much to my disappointment.

This early… in the morning.

"What time did you sleep last night, Bells?" he asked in a casual tone, though I knew him well enough. He was being too protective now that I was currently handicapped, and as his daughter who couldn't even raise a finger without being told what not to do, I needed all the rest I could get… according to him, anyway.

"You look like one of those girls with a drug addiction you see on t.v.," he added without the slightest hesitation.

"Thanks, Dad," I rolled my eyes, and forced them to stay open. "That's the greatest thing you can say to someone when they're about to go to school for the first time."

I sighed and tilted my head back, watching as we passed by the few buildings that inhabited the small town of Forks. But, of course, we both knew this wouldn't be my first day at school. It was practically the middle of second semester for my senior year, and, while I couldn't remember much, I knew I had spent a while in Forks High School.

But just _not _remembering made it seem like I was the new girl again, the alien from a different planet that everyone could look at. It had been weeks since I woke up in the hospital and with only a few thousand as the population, news spread around like a plague. Rapidly.

But there was a reason why I had stayed up, despite all the constant nightmares of my past that haunted my dreams at night. It was three days ago. Exactly three days since I saw her. The girl. Alice. Or should I say snuck in by crawling through my bedroom window?

I shifted against my seat and gazed at the sky this time, wondering why I couldn't stop thinking about her. About the Cullens. It was just all… overwhelming, and simply _abnormal_. Inhuman. Everything. Just the thought of them was what caused my mind to stay awake at night, or for my heart to pound against my chest like a never ending drum.

It was as if I was connected to them somehow, like they were a part of me, hidden in my memory, just waiting to be found, and I didn't have the slightest clue of who they were.

Or even _what _they were.

I attempted to ignore it, pushing the thought to the furthest portion of my mind, but to no success. I've pondered the idea, nearly hours at a time, of the possibility of them being… inhuman. The image of Alice continued to reappear in my mind, play by play of her breathtaking beauty, her rapid speed and swift movements. Even her eyes… they were different.

And then there was Jake.

I remembered the night clearly, vividly, when he arrived, and I was attacked by the recognition I held for him. Oddly enough, I didn't hesitate in the slightest to wrap him in a tight hug, unlike with what I had done with Charlie.

It felt like I had known him my entire life, only I was drained from the memories I had of him. They were happy, I knew, because there was one word that immediately popped in my mind when I laid eyes on him.

My sun.

He was tall, _extremely _large, with his dark, russet skin and dark hair, which was cropped short, though in my imagination, he always had long hair. His eyes smoldered with intensity, casting a heated glow across the darkness of his eyes.

I was clearly happy to see him. Ecstatic, really, and I'm sure he was proud of the fact that I could remember him… if he weren't actually angry.

His hands, once wrapped limply around my waist, were formed into tight fists the moment he brought his face to my hair. He took a whiff or two, and I was brought to the other side of Jacob Black. The side I never knew he had.

A growl, harsh and violent, vibrated through his chest like an engine of a car, only his was actually menacing. With Charlie in the kitchen at the time, he took this chance to sniff the rest of my body while I attempted to push him away.

He wouldn't even budge.

He knew. And he knew I knew. What I didn't know was how.

He left when I failed to give him an explanation as to why I was visited by a Cullen. A bloodsucker, according to him. And that was all I needed to know I wasn't living in a world one would call 'normal.'

"Are you sure you want to do this, Bells?" Charlie asked. "Home school is always an option."

"I'm sure," I murmured. We were arriving now, the sign with the words 'Forks High School' getting unbearably closer.

It wasn't like I actually had any desire to go back to school, where an infinite number of catastrophes awaited me. It was possibly the very last duty on my list that I wanted to accomplish, and it was something that was _required _to be done. Thus, I only had two options.

Either I suffer through thirty-five hours of complete and utter torture a week in crowded areas while I'm vulnerable, _or _Charlie pays a large sum of money so I can suffer without the crowds.

It wasn't much of a difficult choice.

"I thought you wanted me to have social life," I added once he parked his cruiser in front of the school, which was a rather small building.

There were already people roaming through the lot, eying his car with interest. I couldn't blame them. Forks was a secure town, and seeing the chief of police at a high school wasn't exactly unnoticeable.

Charlie didn't reply and, with a loud sigh, unhooked his seatbelt and opened the door. I followed him hesitantly as he helped me with my crutches.

"Try not to be so paranoid, Bells," Charlie stated as he held the door for me. "Nothing is unusual about having a broken leg."

I fought the urge to say "and attempting suicide is completely common" and, instead, I murmured, "Right, Dad."

I didn't know for sure if this was true, and I didn't bother asking. It was a part of my past not worth remembering and if I could just live a life without being miserable, then I'd take it, gratefully.

We were in a small room at that point, warm and lit up brightly. The walls were painted white, dull and normal behind the many plants that stuck out in nearly every direction. I gazed over the three desks ahead of me, stacked with papers and files, and behind one of them stood a rather old woman. Her hands were planted firmly against the desk, scribbling away as if her life depended on it.

It was cruel of me to think that she didn't have much of her life left, so I just thought it was her job she was attempting to save.

"Aw, Chief Swan. What a pleasure to meet again," the woman said as she looked up, her voice rusty from the years. "I take it that Isabella's coming back to finish the year?"

He nodded, smiling a wary smile, before leaving me behind in the back of the room. I was irritated. Again with the whispering. Wasn't I old enough to know what was going on in _my _life?

After several minutes of enduring the quiet conversation between the two and listening to words such as 'weak,' 'clumsy,' and 'brain damage,' they drifted, and I was immediately greeted by a younger woman with blond hair, holding what appeared to be my schedule and other forms of paper.

"Bells, this is Kasey. She'll be guiding you through your classes," Charlie said, although I wasn't paying much attention to either of them. My gaze led to the door, where students could be seen through the glass window.

I turned and smiled at her, suddenly feeling a heavy weight on my shoulders, followed by my stomach, where the tugging became painfully annoying.

Charlie, most likely having noticed my blatant anxiety, knelt beside me in an awkward motion. "You don't have to do this, sport. A couple more days of waiting will do you good. Or home schooling-"

"No, Dad," I interrupted, breathing in deeply. "It's not a big deal. I went through this before, haven't I?"

He forced a smile on his lips, his eyes clearly shining with worry. I knew he was my father and all he was trying to do was protect me. From what? Either another injury or moments of humiliation. But really, it wasn't like I was going on a first date and he wanted to have the sex talk. I could only hope he already did it so I wouldn't have to experience it more than once.

I stood up to hug him. It was more of a half hug, uncomfortable in every way, but I still couldn't allow myself to let go. Other than Jacob, who was evidently angry and hiding something from me, Charlie was the only person I could confront. Alice, or any of the Cullens for that matter, was a different story.

I left the office with my 'tour guide,' as I called her, seeing that I couldn't remember her name. Katy, was it? Or Kelsie? Something with a 'k,' I knew. I just didn't have the will to ask.

"So, Bella," she uttered, and just by one word, I could tell she was extremely shy. At least we had something in common. "You came to this school before, haven't you?"

I nodded, grateful that she didn't bring up the cliff. "The place just seems…" I paused. "…foreign to me now. I promise I'll be able to keep up, so you won't have to deal with me for the next few days."

"It's not a problem." She smiled.

"Bella," I heard someone call out, a male voice, and I turned to see a boy, around my age, with blond hair that spiked up and a boyish face. "Bella," he repeated, then smiled a friendly smile. "Hey."

"Hey," I immediately responded, attempting to muster up as much enthusiasm as possible. My head was spinning slightly as I eyed him, unable to recognize him when he seemed awfully familiar.

He nodded and looked away, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "So, uh… how are you doing?" he asked, uncomfortably. "I heard what happened, about the cliff and everything and I just-"

A light smack could be heard beneath the loud noises of the hallway, and I easily identified it as book making contact with the boy's shoulder. I cringed, knowing what he was about to say, and gave my tour guide a thankful smile.

"Sorry about that," he muttered, rubbing his shoulder irritably, and then smiled again. "But hey, we haven't spoken in ages."

Ugh, that feeling again. So I did know him? Apparently I had friends.

I sighed, wanting nothing more than to play dumb and pretend that I actually remembered him. I pondered over the problems that would cause.

"I…" I hesitated, stuttering with my words. "Sorry," I let out, a blush creeping up my cheeks. "Do I know you?"

His eyes were blank when I looked at him, his friendly smile gone. He gazed back at me, and then toward the girl, Kelly, I now called, before she nodded, as if communicating through their minds.

"Ha ha," he feigned a laugh, and a terrible one at that. "That's funny, Bella," he murmured, placing a hand over his neck, unable to make eye contact. "It's me… Mike. Mike Newton?"

A bell echoed through the hallways as he spoke. Nobody rushed past me without giving me a certain look and, with a sympathetic smile toward Mike, I was pulled away through the staring crowd.

The rest of the morning passed by in a blur, with people constantly asking what had happened and, what was worse, people claiming to know me. I couldn't recognize a majority of them, even if their names were familiar.

But one person I felt comfortable with was a girl named Angela. She helped me, not mentioning a single thing from my past, along with my tour guide, who I later found out was called Kasey.

It wasn't long until it was time for lunch.

"Do you want to sit with me?" Kasey asked as soon as we entered the cafeteria, and I was easily transfixed to the size of the room. Compared to the actual school and the classrooms, it was kind of large. "My friends and I sit over there."

I followed her hand as she pointed to a corner on the other side, and as my eyes roamed, I spotted Angela waving her hand toward me.

I smiled. "Actually, is it alright if I sit with a friend?" It calmed me when I said 'friend.'

She shrugged. "Of course. Just meet me in the entrance when the bell rings," she stated, cheerfully. "We still have two more classes to go. You're almost there."

And she left, following the direction of where she pointed, while I made my way over to the long tables in the center of the room.

It was awkward, having already been introduced to Mike Newton and who continued to stare at me obsessively. I sat between Angela and another girl, Jessica, as I recall, who gave me a death glare just for looking at her.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, more to myself than anyone else.

"Don't pay attention to Jessica," Angela responded lightly, and hesitated, paying close attention to her food. "She's still sort of angry from before."

"Before?"

She looked at me and bit her lip, sighing. "Before, as in…before the accident," she whispered, pulling her chair closer to me so they couldn't hear. "I'm not sure…"

"Tell me," I declared, without the slightest hesitation. I knew she didn't want to, thinking it would insult me.

She closed her eyes and nodded once. "You were… sort of depressed during first semester," she began, running her hand across of the wrinkles of her skirt as a distraction. "You isolated everyone from your life, your friends and teachers," she murmured. "Which is probably why she's mad. She thinks you were ignoring her."

"Aren't you hungry?" she asked all of a sudden, probably to change the subject.

I shook my head, taking in her words, and I saw that she wasn't looking at me when she asked. She caught my eye and looked away, but it was too late. I followed her gaze to the other side of the cafeteria, past the groups of friends that were just talking. Chatting. Being normal.

Past the teachers that repeatedly took a glimpse of me. And past the students that walked by, roaming, as if there wasn't a problem in the world.

I could feel her staring at me, her brilliant golden eyes piercing through my skin, and I finally raised my eyes to catch a fragment of her raven black hair. With the blood pulsing through my veins at a hundred miles an hour, my heart skipped a beat, followed by the pounding against my chest. I could hear it… feel it, or maybe that was just the blood throbbing in my ears as it slowly crept up my cheeks.

"Alice," I murmured to myself.

As if she could hear me, her cheeks were lifted, a smile forming on her lips. All I could do was smile back as she waved at me. But then she paused, turning her attention to the person beside her. I did so as well and looked at the boy, my smile instantly fading.

I was dumbstruck, really, by the unnatural and absolute beauty the boy possessed. The two looked so much alike, it was utterly fascinating. With the pale, white skin, whiter than my own complexion, and two piercing, breathtaking eyes that smoldered like deep pools of gold, I could have mistaken them as twins, if he didn't look so different, as well.

His hair was a reddish brown color, untidy, but attractive in an old fashioned way. He didn't appear to be so strong, but he had muscles that curved around his arms, visible enough that I could trace my fingers across every single one of them. He was tall and lanky, possessing a sort of cute, boyish look to his flawless face.

"Do you remember them, Bella?" I heard Angela ask.

I couldn't pay attention to her. It was nearly impossible, considering the fact that I could literally hear the beating of my heart explode in my ears as I realized his eyes were locked to mine.

His gaze was intent, serious, and simply glowing with the only emotion that was marked… sorrow. Excruciating and agonizing pain reflected across his features, and I noticed with faint curiosity that he was struggling beneath Alice's hand as she placed it on her shoulder, as if constraining him.

I was affected, somehow, by his powerful expression, and not by the sensation of affection or lust. Or even pity, for that matter, seeing that I hadn't the slightest clue of why he was filled with so much anguish. But I took in his physical appearance, his movements, his expressions, everything I could catch sight of and opened my mind to them, letting the images flow through my memories like an endless river.

"Alice Cullen…"

Angela's voice faded through my mind, and what appeared was the air that couldn't fill my lungs, and the fire that blazed in my chest and burnt my flesh.

"…Edward Cullen."

And I was instantly greeted by an image, a faint one, vague in appearance, but vivid enough to distinguish. It was of myself, stunned and clearly pained, holding the boy in my arms like he was all that I had left, like he was about to vanish in thin air.

_Bella, I don't want you to come with me._

I was unable to speak words, but speak the dying scream that threatened to escape my lips.

_You're not good for me, Bella._

_You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind._

My kind.

A human.

His eyes were emotionless, bare and lacking the love he once held for me. He reached out his hands, wrapping them around my wrists, and with a single kiss on my forehead, life meant nothing to me. Nothing at all.

_It would be as if I'd never existed._

I abruptly stood up from my seat, listening as the loud screech of the chair scraping against the floor thundered beneath the shouts of students. The room was spinning and, ignoring the curious stares and the immediate silence, I dragged myself across the cafeteria with as much speed as I could possibly muster.

The hallways were empty except for a teacher here and there, obviously unable to care or think twice about a student roaming the school during lunch hour. I was in desperate need to escape, away from the terrible memories of my past.

Away from the darkness.

My breathing became shallow, uneven, and I became oblivious to my surroundings and the quickness of my speed. Before I could think twice about what I was doing, one of my crutches slipped from my grip and I tumbled forward.

With my eyes tightly shut, I was enveloped in something cold and solid, tugged backward so my feet were firmly planted against the ground again.

"Bella, are you alright?"

I nodded, unable to fully comprehend the question. "I'm fine."

"I apologize for scaring you," a female's voice whispered. "But there's really no need for another concussion."

I ignored the sputtering of my heart, and, lightheaded, turned around, my eyes first landing on the girl before me, and then down the hall, where I could have sworn the cafeteria was located.

"How…" I blinked, shaking my head. "How did you get here so quickly?"

I mentally smacked myself for asking such a stupid question. Wasn't I pondering the actual answer for the past few days?

Alice hesitated, and something about this falter just didn't seem right on her. "It isn't a felony to thank someone for saving a life."

There was humor in her tone, and refraining myself from smiling was proven to be useless.

"I survived when I jumped off a cliff. I doubt anything worse could happen just by tripping," I joked, knowing very well what she was attempting to do. "But thank you."

Her lips curved into a bright smile that lit up her face. "You're welcome."

The cheerful mood in the atmosphere faded almost instantly, however, as soon as I spotted a figure from the corner of my eye.

Edward Cullen stood so motionlessly, I could have mistaken him to be a part of the shadows. His face held that same expression from just a few minutes ago, only it was scrunched up in a still attractive sort of way, as if concentrating on a thought.

Alice, having caught my gaze, held my hand in hers in a comforting style. "He would never hurt you, Bella."

Then why did I have the feeling that he already did?

But I nodded, breathless, and closed my eyes. "I know," I uttered. "I'm not scared of him, exactly." And it was the truth. "It's hard to explain, but…" I sighed, reluctantly bringing my head up. "I remember things… when I look at him. It just doesn't make any sense…"

I caught his gaze again, and saw, instead, something different in my mind, as he held onto what appeared to be a body, bloodied and at the edge of death. A girl that screamed in agony as the fire ripped through her flesh, a fiery pain that consumed her being.

"I-I can't," I stuttered and took a step back. "I can't do this." My eyes fell in a forceful motion as an attempt to block everything from my mind. "I have to go."

"Where are you going?" Alice's angelic voice followed me through the hallway and outside.

"Anywhere," I responded. "Home, maybe."

"You have no way to get there."

"I'll walk," I said, coming to halt at the edge of the parking lot, six or seven cars from the school. "I honestly don't care."

"Bella, dear," Alice murmured, softly wrapping her small fingers around my wrist. "Please look at me."

I couldn't resist the charm she possessed.

"I'll drive you there," she told me.

Transfixed by her intense gaze, I shook my head. "No, Alice. It would be too much trouble-"

"Sweetie, you don't have another choice." She giggled, tapping a small, yellow car to her left. "I'm not allowing you to walk home."

"So…" I paused. "You're kidnapping me?"

"I suppose you could call it that."

She placed herself halfway in before saying, "Coming?"

I was in the car by then, crutches placed in the backseat.

The car roared to life and in an instant, she drove off the parking lot and past the Forks High School sign. Never in my life have I felt so relieved to leave a place. Not even the hospital could do my misery justice.

"An explanation would be wonderful," she said after a few moments of silence. I turned to look at her as she caught my eyes, staring at me intently.

"You've never given me an explanation."

A look was all it took to know she didn't quite understand my response.

I sighed again, a strong urge to just ask, "what are you?" overpowering my emotions. I decided with something simple.

"What were you to me?" I asked in a low voice. "Were you just…" The gap in my chest reappeared as I struggled to say his name. "Edward's sister?"

"Are you implying that we play a game of twenty questions?" she asked humorously, though I could see in her eyes that she noticed the hesitation I held with saying her brother's name.

"I suppose you could call it that." I smiled, repeating what she had said earlier.

Alice laughed. "Alright. If it makes it easier for you to trust me."

"I already do," I added, a bit too quickly. "Um… kind of."

I could tell she was having difficulty with her facial expressions as her cheek was lifted into a tight smile. "But you're having difficulty trusting the rest of my family."

She watched my face as her words slowly sunk in, and I fought the urge to tell her to watch the road, seeing as how she had a point. Somewhat of a point. It wasn't as if I didn't trust the Cullens, now knowing I was close to them before the incident, and I wasn't scared. Far from it, actually. I was just… confused, and more frightened of what Charlie would do than anything Alice could say that would even hint at what abnormalities they possessed.

"I could never blame you, Bella. It's already a miracle that you found the will to speak to me again, after everything that I've done to you."

I scowled. "Unless I've been lied to, there's nothing that I could forgive you for." I stared at her as I spoke, my heart throbbing as her eyes glowed with emotion. "And even if there was, I would've already forgiven you. None of this could possibly be your fault."

"Something in your statement tells me you're blaming someone," she added. "You don't know why he left, do you?"

I could feel my face drop at her question. Wasn't I trying to avoid this conversation?

"I don't know him," I whispered, causing me to cringe at how immoral that sounded. "So no. I don't have the faintest idea why."

"He was trying to protect you."

"Protect me?" I seethed through my teeth, glancing around at anything but her. "Protect me from what, Alice?" I closed my eyes as an attempt to calm down. "Nothing about him could have been that terrible so I can try to kill myself."

Her expression became fierce, but not terrifyingly so. "So you _were_ attempting suicide?"

I shrugged, carelessly. "I wouldn't know."

"Bella," she uttered my name, exhaling briefly. "Do you have any idea what this could have done not only to my family, but Charlie as well? And your mother?"

I cringed at the image of my mother discovering my death. And then Charlie…

"No, I wouldn't-" But then I paused, abruptly, as I soaked into realization. "You said you saw me," I gasped, feeling slightly stupid that I haven't noticed beforehand. "The first night you came, you said you saw me jump. That- how-?"

I couldn't finish.

"That's a bit difficult to explain," was Alice's response.

"Charlie isn't coming back until seven."

She glanced at me from the corner of her eye, smirking, as if there was some kind of inside joke in my words.

"This isn't something that I should be able to tell you, Bella," she said after a moment of silence. "Nor is it something I should be able to explain _alone._"

"Why not?"

She sighed. "It's something my family has discussed recently, about whether or not it's safe for both you and us," she informed me. "Did you read the note I gave you?"

It took me a minute to understand Alice's question, remembering the piece of paper she handed me before she left. I had opened it after Jake left and after studying the words for a while, I had realized they were directions. To the Cullen house, I supposed.

I nodded.

"We thought it best if you chose whether you wanted to see us or not," she said, pulling up onto my driveway. I blinked. Time passed by quickly with Alice's presence.

"The issues with Edward," she paused, hesitating before catching my eye. "And with what we are."

I sat still in my seat, eying her with nothing but surprise and curiosity. Surprise because never would I have thought that this was actually possible. I've been telling myself that I was just insane.

Before I knew it, she held my hand in hers again, a piece of paper the only thing separating my palm against her cold skin.

I raised an eyebrow. "Another note?"

She giggled. "I suppose it's my fault. I've found note passing during class to be rather entertaining." But then she was serious again, her eyes blazing with what I thought to be uncertainty.

"Open it tonight," she demanded as politely as possible. "Try to remember, Bella. Think about every theory you came up with, and if you're able to trust us."

"Alice, what are you-"

"Just promise me."

I knew my face was blank as I nodded, slowly.

She smiled. "I trust you, too, by the way."

And she was gone, vanished from her seat and appeared instantly by my side, helping me out of the car. Arguing was out of the question when she decided to help me with my crutches. She probably thought I would fall within my first step.

"Can't you stay?" I asked her, handing Alice my key to unlock the door. "Just for a few hours," I added, unable to bear the thought of being alone at the moment.

She smiled sadly. "Edward needs me," she responded, guiding me to the couch. "I'll be here whenever you want me."

"But not right now?"

She shook her head. "Not right now."

I sighed, tucking my knees beneath my chin with my arms neatly wrapped around them.

"You were my best friend," she murmured out of nowhere, though her voice contained more love and care than usual. "A sister to me, really. We were really close."

I looked at her. "Huh?"

She laughed softly and sat beside me, an arm draped over my shoulder. "The question you first asked in the car. I never had the chance to answer it."

"You still owe me nineteen answers," I said, smirking.

"Only when you ask the nineteen questions," she joked, leaning her face in to kiss my cheek. "You smell nice, you know. I've already told you that, but a second time should do."

I blushed.

"Take care," she whispered, handing me the key. I took it, watching as she gave me one more smile before heading out the door.

The roar of her engine was enough to know she was really leaving, and I sighed, laying my head against the lumpy pillow to stare at the blank television screen.

* * *

"Hey, Dad!" I called from the edge of the stairs. "Where are all the photo albums?"

He broke away from the t.v., tilting his head up to meet my gaze. "I think you put them under your bed," he said, smiling. "You're gonna go through them?"

I nodded, thanking him before making my way to my room. Just as he said, there was a box of objects hidden there that I haven't noticed before. Curiosity got the better of me.

It was dusty, most likely stocked beneath my bed for a few months. I glided my hand against the cardboard before slipping my hand through the crack and opening the top.

My eyes roamed through the many CDs and books stacked on top of each other, and photos of my mother and I bordered in small frames. But what caught my attention the most was a blue photo album tucked beneath everything else.

I opened it, revealing pictures of the people I had met at school that day, all of them joking and laughing in the cafeteria as they played with the camera. I smiled to myself, turning page after page of my carefree friends. I came to a halt, however, at the sight of one.

I could feel a lump form in my throat as I ran my fingers across the slickness of the photo, tracing the outlines of my father and stopping when I reached Edward. He was different there. Happy… almost, though there was something in his eyes that told me otherwise.

I turned the page, and nearly gasped as I saw myself standing beside him, my appearance absolutely ordinary compared to his God-like features. It was… awe-inspiring… to look at a photo of myself when I couldn't even remember when it was taken. A photo of me beside the man I was tempted to avoid wasn't helping.

I closed the album, as well as my eyes, and breathed in a large amount of air. It was also rather tempting to visit the Cullens, despite what Charlie said. The thought of them filled in the empty hole in my chest.

I pushed the box away and sat still, motionless, as my eyes drifted to the window, expecting to see a figure there.

Nothing.

So I dug my hand into my pocket, Alice's words ringing through my ears. The note lay crumpled in the center of my palm, and I waited a little longer, as if something was supposed to happen to prevent me from unraveling it.

Nothing.

I sighed, and with awkward fingers, I smoothed the layers of the paper onto the floor, my heart racing with every second that ticked by. It only began beating faster the moment I read the single word that was written across in perfect handwriting.

_Vampire_


	5. Chapter 4

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating: **K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** Meh…

* * *

I shifted against the pillow pressed against the wall, unable to ponder the thought of sleeping to be such a pleasant idea at the moment. I couldn't refrain myself from disregarding the obvious.

Even with my eyes tightly shut, blocking what little light the lamp emitted, I could still see it.

I could see _her._

I flung my body, numb from the hours of lying in an unchanged position, off the edge of the bed and practically hurled through the space available in my cramped room. I nearly tripped over a shoe scattered beside my closet, which was to be expected, before I could feel the exterior outline of my phone held neatly in the palm of my hand.

I pressed my two front teeth lightly against my quivering lip, an overwhelming amount of uncertainty engulfing my entire being. My grip tightened on the device I'm pretty sure was given to me by my mother last Christmas and flipped it open.

I closed it, my glance aimed toward the open window, where nightfall lay ahead, midnight imminently approaching. I walked over to the other side, and, shivering as a faint breeze passed by, pulled down the frame.

I was hesitant, utterly tentative with the actions I paid no attention to. Sitting down, I grazed over the smooth edges of my phone with my thumb, slowly sneaking my fingers between the key board and the cover.

Instantly and with undeniable anxiety, I pulled the window up once again and skimmed through the numbers I had saved in my list.

Angela…

Charlie…

Jake's house…

Jessica…

Mike…

Renee…

I blinked and, with an irritated groan, before the thought could run through my mind more than once, the device landed with a loud bang in the corner beside the window.

I watched with mild curiosity as a portion of what appeared to be the battery skidded limply to my side. I walked over to my night desk, sliding down the side of it and to the floor.

It took me this long to realize I didn't have Alice's number. Not a single one by the name of Cullen.

And I wouldn't be seeing her until Monday, in three days…

I didn't have the slightest clue of why I had been ignoring Alice, and it hurt to think that I was hurting _her. _I would have thought the entire family was insane if I hadn't seen with my own eyes what they were capable of, a dominant part of them that wasn't human.

Hell, I was probably slowly going insane and I didn't even know it, and I could easily recall a moment just days after I had given Alice my word that I'd try to remember and calm myself once I figured out what was with all the secrecy.

_It was raining, or more like drizzling as the drops of water occasionally traced the numbness of my cheeks. I found it incredibly difficult to believe it to be this cold and there was not a single indication of snow._

_I didn't have the will to care, though, seeing as how it was only my seventh day at school and, unlike most others, I didn't have the unbearable craving to stay home and rest._

_I wanted to stay home and think._

_I couldn't do much of that in class, or even before class, for that matter, where I was surrounded by 'friends' who could never take the hint that I wasn't in the mood to talk._

"_Hey, Bella, what about you?" A boy had asked. Tyler, I think it was. _

_I didn't have the time to even mutter a simple 'huh' like I was planning to do before my eyes traveled through the parking lot of the school, eventually following the silver Volvo that had been haunting my dreams for the past few days._

_My thoughts instantly shifted to Alice, like they always were whenever someone even mentioned her name. It was sort of a repeated procedure, day after day of this torture, watching as she came out of the car with her brother._

_I had become accustomed to his presence – Edward's – although the images never disappeared when I stared at him. They were memories, I knew, memories I didn't have the desire to remember until everything was sorted out._

_And they weren't. Not even in the slightest._

_I watched as he proceeded on without a single glance in my direction, like every day, and, like every day, he held the same facial expression and gestures, and I soon realized he was struggling with whether he should shift his attention to me._

_I was always glad he didn't._

_I then waited for the anticipated as the girl stepped out of the car, ever so gracefully, one foot after the other, before closing the door behind her._

_It was a routine and, as a routine, she should have kept her head down like her brother and walk away. It was an absolute, heart fluttering, stomach wrenching moment to meet her gaze as soon as she looked up, as if sensing my curious stares._

_Her eyes were burning in two stunning pools of fire, sparkling with what appeared to be hesitation and… fear? Fear that I would come and speak to her? Or fear that I wouldn't?_

_Nothing could possibly describe the excruciating and deep longing to do so, to speak to her like we were best friends, and a senseless fight was what split us apart. Even a simple 'hello' would do. Anything to feel the delight and contentment I had felt in her presence._

_But there was a rope straddled around my waist, pulling me back. _

_I could feel it._

_The fear hidden in my core, gnawing at my emotions so it was more conspicuous than the others. But it wasn't fear of her, now knowing what she was._

_No._

_For some odd reason, it was as if I had known all along, like it wasn't much of a surprise at all._

_It was more of fear that the past would repeat itself, where, once again, I would get too close and, like a plague, chase them away, even if I was merely a fragile human._

_I continued to stare at her, literally blanking out everyone else around me and their words, sensing the magnet pulling me closer._

_It was deeply inevitable, I knew, that I wouldn't be able to stay away, no matter how many times I attempted, and no matter how much I feared that the pain would return again._

_I reluctantly broke away from her gaze and turned my attention to the uninteresting._

_I just needed more time._

I thought about it for, after counting, the forty-sixth time. In a world I wasn't fully familiar with as everyone else was, I had a reason to trust in complete strangers after one of them claimed to be a vampire, didn't I?

A mystical creature I was always told didn't exist?

Or was I always like this? So gullible that I could believe anything? I mean, I had my proof, recalling Alice's speed, strength and, if looks had anything to do with it, her beauty. I was clearly different from everyone else, but it wasn't whether I believed her or not. Or if they were even a threat to my life.

The question was whether I was ready.

And I was, I thought. I was positive. More than that, really, if such a feeling was real.

And I had a plan that could perhaps work. It was absolutely stupid, and went against the laws of physics, but in a world full of blood thirsty 'humans,' as they appeared, who's to say anything?

"Alice," I attempted to call out, though the word spilling through my lips came out more as a cracked whisper. I instantly felt the stupidity pinning onto me. "Hopefully you're not angry with me. And I understand if you are, after ignoring you."

I paused to repress the humility. "But it would be great if could pay me a visit? Just… go through the window… if you want. Like you used to."

_This is completely stupid._

I sighed and pressed my back against my night desk, dropping my eyelids. I didn't have the faintest idea why or even how that could work. Maybe she had some sort of super hearing?

The thought made me uncomfortable.

"I'm not angry with you," she said, and this time it wasn't a figment of my imagination. "There was never a reason why."

Alhough I had never been so happy to know of someone's presence, it still didn't stop me from flinching at the girl's sudden arrival. I turned my head to the side to Alice's figure, her body standing still beside the window, where she came in.

"Hello," she whispered after a few moments of silence.

I probably looked stupid with my mouth ajar, and I wasn't sure whether it was because she actually heard me or because she came.

"Hi," was all I could out let out in a single breath. I brushed my knees against hardwood floor and, placing my knuckles upon the floor, I forced myself to stand.

She didn't seem to move from her position when I caught her gaze again. It was sort of painful to think she was too disgusted to touch me, or even inch herself closer for that matter.

But she did move. It was sudden, and nearly impossible to notice, but this movement snapped me back to reality. Her eyes held the same hesitation as they did merely a few days ago, her petite frame rigid and stiff, as if refraining herself from coming closer without my permission.

I didn't have the patience to wait for the question.

She was taken aback when I attacked and gathered her into my arms, and so was I. Who knew I had the courage to do something so bold?

But it was as if I hadn't seen the young girl in so long, and it frightened me to think that letting go would make her vanish in thin air.

Poof.

And she did have a tendency to do that at times.

"You're not scared," Alice whispered.

Strength was something I didn't possess when it came to pulling away from her embrace, though I knew, at the most, that I needed to tilt my head from her shoulder and away from my muffled words.

"I'm not," I agreed, growing slightly embarrassed as the realization slowly slipped through.

"I'm sorry for avoiding you," I added before she could interrupt. "I was just scared."

"That's good," Alice exclaimed. "That's the way it should be," she went on, her face twisting up into a humorous expression. "Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't been completely ignoring us. The way you discovered our secret was a bit… unexpected, shall I say?"

"I didn't mean it that way," I said, quietly, realizing what she had conceived my statement to be. "I wasn't sure…" I began, fumbling with my fingers. "If I was ready… to deal with this. I was scared because I don't _know _what happened in the past, and now… the future, really."

Did that even make sense? It didn't for me.

"How ironic," Alice mumbled, interfering with my reverie.

I eyed her carefully, wondering what she had meant by 'ironic.'

"I never quite understood your actions," she began once again. "Any other human would think us to be insane, or intimidating by merely glancing at us," she continued, catching my curious eyes in a quick and swift movement.

I held it there with captivating interest, absorbing not just her words, but her voice, too.

"But not you." She smiled, tilting her hand forward to brush her cold fingers across mine. "Even now, after suffering for months because of us, you welcome a strange family claiming to be vampires."

"He was right." She sighed and shook her head, that smile still on her lips. "You're different, Bella, which is something I admire you for. I'm starting to have second thoughts about killing the idiot for ever letting this happen."

I knew she was only kidding, and that I should have laughed just to brighten the mood, even though Alice's personality did most of the 'brightening.' But just the mere mention of the 'he' she was talking about relit the curiosity that irritated me to no end.

"Tell me," I demanded thoughtlessly. "Please." I cupped one of her hands into my own, also thoughtlessly, before I realized I was actually begging. "I want to know everything."

She stared at me for a moment, her eyes boring into mine without the slightest emotion depicting her flawless face.

"You're exaggerating, Bella," Alice stated softly, the humor welcoming in her voice. "It would take our entire existence. It isn't possible to know everything."

I rolled my eyes.

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do."

"Well, then?"

She paused for a moment, squeezing my hands softly beneath her own, yet the strength she inflicted on them was still a bit painful.

I could never bring myself to say anything about it. Oddly enough, I enjoyed the contact.

"It would still take a long time," she said. "It's a bit difficult to explain what's going on at the moment, Bella. I have to admit that it's all chaos. You're the glue that holds my family together."

I refrained myself from smiling, knowing this was a serious situation.

"They've been anticipating your arrival. We were hoping we could settle this down peacefully, and talk about what's happened. But it's entirely your decision."

I nodded. "I understand. I can settle with something less for now," I murmured, wishing more than anything that I could cross my legs. Stupid, itchy cast. "You owe me some answers, remember?"

She smiled. "Of course I do," she said, tilting her head back so she was gazing out the window. She stared intently at the sky, the light spilling through the glass and across her flesh, causing her to shimmer beneath the moonlight.

I blinked, this being a figment of my imagination as the only explanation for this allusion.

But before I could dwell on it for too long, she spoke.

"But you only have five this time. It's beyond midnight, and you need your sleep." She giggled softly at my disbelieving reaction. "So choose well."

"Alice, it's Friday," I clarified.

"It is," she agreed, standing up and making her way to my closet. "But really, Bella, please don't take it the wrong way when I say dark circles aren't fitting for you."

I watched with mild amusement as Alice ruffled through my stacks of clothing scattered across the edge of my closet, taking in her insult. I couldn't say I was insulted, because I wasn't. Admitting to myself that it was nearly impossible to sleep these days was easy. I would lie in bed every night, utterly exhausted without the ability to just close my eyes and drift. And even when it was a light slumber, the nightmares never went away.

A pair of my nicest pajamas was thrown into my arms, followed by a hand waved in my face.

"Five," Alice repeated, adding five fingers to her request.

Laughing, I grabbed her hand and shoved it away playfully. "Alright. I get it."

I didn't bother arguing with Alice, seeing how I had a strange feeling that she could win her way through anything.

I, instead, considered my options.

I took a deep breath, suddenly growing nervous, my stomach beginning to twist and turn with every second. My eyes fluttered closed before I said, "I just need to know… about what you said… Do you…" I swallowed. Hard. "Do you drink?" I felt stupid repeating my thoughts out loud. "From what I remember from the myths… you drink blood?"

I was overwhelmed by the sudden nausea washing over me, the thought of blood sickening to my senses. Sight, smell, even listening to the gushing sound it made when pouring through the flesh in all those horror movies.

"Yes. It is true," Alice answered calmly, and I found it a bit humorous that I was fretting over blood itself when there was someone next to me who actually _enjoyed _it. "But not human blood."

I stopped shifting in my position to stare at her, blankly.

"How shall I explain this?" Alice sighed, speaking more to herself than to me. "There are others out there… of our kind, I mean. Others that don't follow our type of lifestyle, which is rare, considering the size of our 'coven,' as they call it. Though we like to think of ourselves as a family."

I nodded, urging her to go on.

"It's difficult… to resist the scent of human blood. It's in our nature to hunt as the predator and a human, so to say, as our… prey," she continued, her eyes scanning my face closely as I resisted the urge to shiver.

"But doing so would make us monsters, something we cannot live with, which is why we were able to stand by as you were all Edward thought about. We feed off the blood of animals."

"Like vegetarians," I added without a thought.

"Yes, like vegetarians," Alice nodded, confusion written in her eyes. "Do you remember that, Bella?"

"Not exactly," I shrugged, pressing my teeth into my lips, though not hard enough to draw blood. How ironic would that be? "It sort of just… popped. I think I'm remembering things, but they don't exactly make any sense."

"Then should I find it odd that you're not frightened of us?"

"You could call it odd," I stated, steering my gaze away from her to look at the fascinating walls. "But I know you won't hurt me. It all just seems… old to me, if that makes sense?"

"So you weren't the least bit surprised when you read the note?"

"Of course I was," I answered. "It's hard to explain. I didn't believe it at first, but soon I did, and when that happened… I just- I honestly didn't care. I don't."

Alice nodded again, her face scrunched up into interest. Intent.

"We have abilities, you know," she went on, and it took me a moment to realize what she was talking about. "It wasn't in your best interest to see me as I really am your first night home from the hospital. But we have them as our way of hunting. The agility, the strength, the beauty…"

"Is that how you heard me?" I asked, going over the theories I had recently made up. "I mean, do you guys have some kind of laser vision or super hearing or something?"

She giggled in her usual charming way, sending a few chills down my spine. "Of a sort. Our senses of hearing and seeing are much higher than the average human. Would that be your second question?"

I thought about it, mentally cursing myself with unintelligible words at my stupidity. It wasn't fair that I was so caught up with this that I had the tendency to forget the limited amount of questions I could ask.

I nodded.

"I can see the future," she added almost instantly, as if it weren't such a shocker. "Some vampires are created with a natural talent, something that relates to their human years. Jasper and Edward have special abilities as well, but… we can talk about that later."

I didn't think much about the other talents that supposedly exist in Alice's world. The capability to see what's going to happen next was fascinating enough.

"I can tell you're intrigued," Alice said and smiled. "Let's put it this way… when someone makes a decision, I can see the outcomes of it. They're just images, as you can say, that I see in my mind. And when you decided you wanted to talk to me, I knew far before you began speaking to yourself, or to me, rather."

My cheeks grew hot at the mention of my desperate need to see her, causing me to blush an even darker shade when Alice took note of my embarrassment and actually found it funny. Before I knew it, her arms snaked around my waist from the side, pulling me closer so I could hide my face in her shoulder.

"It's not funny," I mumbled, my words muffled by her the cloth of her shirt. I could barely hear them.

"It is, Bella," Alice disagreed, having heard my statement clearly. "Is there anything else?"

I sighed against the chilliness of her flesh, it being freezing compared to the warmth of my own.

I didn't have the will to move, nor did I have to, so I didn't. I thought about my options with caution, making sure I didn't let anything stupid slip from my mouth. I wanted- no. I _needed_ to know what I could, and with only three questions to ask, there wasn't much I could possibly learn. I would be spending these precious answers if I dared ask anything more of Alice's future-seeing ability.

"What did your family think of me?" I asked before I could stop myself. Where did that come from?

Alice, not seeming to be anywhere near surprised at my random question as I was, said, "They cared for you. Deeply." She began running her hand down my back, increasing the small tremors of my body beneath her touch. "Esme and Carlisle thought of you as their daughter, and they still do, of course. Esme was absolutely ecstatic when she first saw you. All she could think about how you were the one to bring the family together. It didn't take long before she realized she loved you as her own child.

"Jasper and Emmett enjoyed having you as a little sister, though Emmett found it entertaining to make fun of you every chance he had. Rosalie… well, she just needed time to adjust. And, of course, there was Edward, where words are impossible to use when it comes to describing how much he loves you."

There were two problems with Alice's explanation that I took in mind. First, she used present tense for Edward, which nearly sent me over the edge in fear. Second, she failed to mention herself.

"I found you delightful," Alice said, answering at least one of my unspoken questions. "I knew from the start that we would be close. Best friends, in fact. When you began appearing in my visions, I found that I would love you, and now I can see why. You're wonderful, Bella. Beautiful, both inside and out."

I blushed faintly as I listened to her words, my heartbeat growing rapid, sputtering, and I wondered briefly if she could hear the thumping against my swelling chest. If I wanted to, I would've shed tears. Just the thought of doing it in front of Alice was… unthinkable.

"Then why did you do it?" I whispered through a broken voice. "Why did you leave?"

"Bella." Using her slender fingers, to tilted my head up. "It was for the best."

I broke away from her contact, mustering up a reluctant glare.

"It was for the best to leave me in agony?" I seethed. "I _remember _things that I don't want to, Alice. Every night, I'm too scared to go to sleep with the past plaguing my dreams. I see them, Alice. I see what he did to me. What _you _did to me. I can't even _look _at him without feeling this hole killing whatever emotion I have left."

"Bella, please, listen to me," Alice demanded, wrapping her small hands around my wrists. I struggled to escape her hold, her grip unimaginably strong. "It was an accident. A terrible mishap."

She pulled me to her chest, cupping my head with the palm of her hand, the other firmly holding onto my back. I didn't resist this time. I didn't have the strength.

"The night of your birthday, we held a party for you at our house, and it was there that you had an accident. You cut yourself, Bella, and you were in fatal danger when blood was spilled."

My breath hitched.

"Not all of us are entirely resistant to the scent of human blood, and the exposure of it can bring out the beast in us. You have to understand that. Every step you took with us in your life was closer to your death, and Edward couldn't stand the thought of it. He loves you, Bella. More than you could possibly know, which is why he had to leave. He wanted to protect you, to let you live the human life he could never give you.

"He was selfish for doing so. I know. I've told him more times than I can count to think about what his departure would do to you, and he didn't realize how grave the mistake was until… I saw you jump. Which is why we came back. You're in danger whether we're with you or not. He came back for you."

I wanted, so badly, to think of it all as a lie. And at the same time, I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that there was someone out there who loved me beyond words. I wanted to believe that I was wanted, that I was desired, even _as _a fragile human.

"What if… I don't feel the same way, Alice?" I asked, hesitantly. "I can't forgive him for what he's done until I know…"

"You loved him with your life," she whispered, brushing her hand across a tearstained cheek. I shivered. "It'll take some time, but I can be the one to say I've foreseen you forgiving him, and accepting him again."

Her words, though so innocent and meaningless to her, sent a stab of unbearable pain racing across my chest. I should have been angry, I knew, to hear her confirm something that hasn't and _should _never happen, even if she could see the future.

Why would I care? If I ended up falling for the man who had shattered my heart to pieces? Why would I? If I could forgive him and not care about his mistakes? I'd be happy, wouldn't I? Even if I wanted nothing to do with him at the moment?

"If you say so," I uttered, forcing a smile to match Alice's.

I never realized how much it would hurt to say it.

"And that," she tapped the edge of my nose with her finger. "Was your last question. Now go to bed," she demanded playfully.

I smacked her hand away with a grin, and quickly stood up to dress in my pajamas. It was weird, I had to admit, to change out of clothes in front of Alice. I had no desire to run to the bathroom and come back to an empty room.

When I turned, she was still there, to my relief, though her body was angled more to the right, nowhere near my direction.

Alice caught my gaze and smiled. "Just wanted to give you some privacy."

I nodded, thankful for her gesture, and slipped beneath the covers.

"Please don't leave," I blurted out just as she was about to stand. Within an instant, I took her hand in mine, stopping her from moving any further.

"I was going to turn off the lights," she stated softly, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Like it matters," I whispered. "I can never sleep."

"You have to, Bella," she said, pushing me lightly against the pillows and pulling the covers closer. "It isn't good for you."

"I know," I answered. "And it's fine. I think I can handle a few sleepless nights."

She looked at me once to reassure me that she wasn't going anywhere, and my vision was instantly darkened except for the moonlight spilling through the window.

I felt a light tug from my covers, followed by a weight pressed against the actual bed and the presence of someone's body sliding beside me.

"Alice," I shuddered, flinching under her touch. I forgot how to breathe. "Wh- what're you doing?"

"Is this making you uncomfortable?" she asked, shifting herself closer to me so her head leaned against mine.

_Yes._

"No," I breathed out, then in, before I struggled to breathe out again.

My lungs couldn't function, and it was starting to scare me.

I took in her intoxicating scent, allowing the fragrance to sooth my tense muscles, and slow my racing heartbeat.

I, again, attempted to shove away the annoying emotions. They meant nothing.

Nothing at all.

"I was told you could fall asleep when you held onto something, or when someone holds onto you," Alice whispered in my ear, my heart stopping altogether when she snaked her arm around my waist and pressed her chest against my back.

It felt… right.

"And I think you're right." I smiled. "I'm sorry if this is a problem. You should be sleeping in your own room and-"

"Bella, we don't sleep," she interrupted, leaning her face into my neck, and I could feel the grin forming on her lips.

My mouth opened into a perfect 'o.' "At all?"

"Nope." She laughed. "Is that so weird? You didn't seem to mind the first time you found out."

"And I still don't mind," I added quickly. "I'm just… surprised."

"Your life _has_ been full of surprises lately," Alice agreed. "I feel terribly sorry for you."

"Of course you do." I rolled my eyes, bumping her slightly with my elbow.

"Alice," I muttered after a few minutes of silence.

I heard her growl beside me, lifting her head up to place her jaw upon my cheek. "Why aren't you asleep yet?"

I didn't bother pondering over her question seeing as her closeness greatly affected me.

"Take me tomorrow," I demanded quietly. "To your house."

She was still, motionless, and it worried me to think that I had insulted her in any way. Was it too soon?

"Are you positive?" she finally said.

"Yes." I nodded, smiling. Never have I been so sure in my life. But then I stopped, turning slightly to make out Alice's face beneath the thick coat of darkness. "We can't tell Charlie."

"Bella-"

"He hates you right now," I interrupted. "He was the one who told me to stay away."

"I know."

I eyed her carefully, sensing the hesitation in her tone. "But?"

"We have to tell him soon."

"He'll be fishing tomorrow. It can wait."

"It can," she agreed. "But not for too long."

I didn't question her about why it was such a big deal. My thoughts were completely turned over to tomorrow's plans, causing my stomach to stir in anxiety.

"It'll be fine, Bella," Alice whispered, gently playing with my fingers as they began to tremble. "I can assure you it will. Everything with Edward will go well. It'll be like old times. I promise."

Without a doubt, I dreaded her words to no end. But I accepted them as what they were, knowing very well they had to be true. I was going to give it all a chance, an opportunity to live my old life again, no matter how angry or betrayed I felt.

It was all deeply… inevitable.


	6. Chapter 5

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** I'm not at all happy with this chapter, but, alas…

* * *

_I knew it was a dream._

_Or at least, somewhat… of a dream. A memory, I suppose, seeing as how they were growing common whenever the slight possibility came that I would fall asleep._

_That, and… I was in the arms of the man I swore to hate until... well, until I had reason not to._

_And it was strange, because I was happy. Seeing myself in this comfortable atmosphere, in a setting I couldn't recognize, was just unusual. My head rested on his shoulder, and his arms, cold and firm, like Alice's, snaked around my waist as if it were pure instinct to do so._

_I was happy._

_And I couldn't find the excuse to deny the obvious._

"_Are you sure about this, love?" he asked me, a soft chuckle vibrating through his chest as I smiled, his lips making contact with my forehead._

_Wherever I was, the real me, I cringed._

"_How bad could this game be?" I shrugged. "I mean, I know Alice can be a bit too excited when it comes to playing, and with Emmett's obsession with winning…"_

_I caught a glimpse of him, Edward, flinching. It was small, and very quick, but still there. "I don't recall you ever playing one of Alice's games."_

_I looked at him, the fake me, or whoever the girl was. Obviously, we could both hear the hesitation in his tone, as if it held a message._

"_Is it really that bad?"_

"_Would you like the truth or a lie?"_

_I held my head back as I groaned, most likely realizing and regretting the stupidity of my decision. It didn't last, though, the moment I noticed we weren't alone anymore, and it struck me, at least in the dream, as annoying._

_But for the girl in the future who can't even remember the people who were an important part of her life, it was utterly heart stopping and shock worthy._

_It was the first time I had seen the rest of the Cullens, and seeing as I already met two of them, it didn't surprise me that they were all good looking as well. _

_I just never got over _how _beautiful they could be._

"_No complaining, Bella," Alice scolded, and I took this opportunity to admire them all, from the gorgeous blond, to the man, blond as well, standing beside Alice, and finally to the large one. "You already promised."_

"_It would have been nice if you mentioned _which _game we would be playing," I, as in the old me, grumbled, all the while untangling myself from Edward's embrace._

"Some _of us haven't decided yet," she said, adding a sort of adorable glare toward the bulky one, who grinned in return._

"_Hey, I'm not the one with all the lame choices."_

"_They aren't lame, Emmett," Alice growled. "And you know Bella wouldn't be able to play if we went with your idea."_

"_She could if we made them more interesting, like Truth or Dare, Emmett style."_

"_Truth or dare?" I nearly squeaked._

"_Or Would You Rather. Whichever one. I'm still going to find out what you want for your birthday," Alice gleamed._

"_Alice…" Edward began, shooting a warning glance toward his overexcited sister._

"_Oh, come on! You can't read her mind and I can't see what I'm giving her since she hasn't made a decision yet!" She frowned. "What else am I supposed to do?"_

"_We could always pretend she doesn't exist," the blond girl added, her perfect face twisting to a bitter expression. "I honestly couldn't care less about the pathetic life of a human."_

"_Rose," Edward growled, tightening his grip on me._

"_No, Edward. It's fine. I shouldn't be involved."_

"_Nonsense, Bella. You know we love you. Or at least I do." Alice frowned, casting a glare toward the girl I supposed was named Rose. "And Emmett, if it'll get you to shut up, I suppose we'll play it your way, then."_

_Emmett grinned. "Oh, this is gonna be good." And he jumped, literally leaped _over _the coffee table and onto the couch, taking a graceful seat beside Edward and me. "No twisting the question if it's truth, and no backing down if you're dared."_

_And then he turned toward the blond boy, a mischievous twinkle in his golden eyes. "Jasper, I'm not going easy on you with either one. So watch yourself. Truth or Dare?"_

I was swept away from this image, this memory of a family that I was actually a part of to be greeted by reality. I never thought real life could be a shame until that moment, where I knew I had enjoyed it in the past.

Because even when I wasn't asleep, I could fill in the missing parts, whether they were true or not. I honestly couldn't care. I could see it all, like a vision, as Alice had explained, where the blond boy was dared to dress as a female and sing "Barbie Girl," and I was eventually pestered by Alice to give in and admit what I wanted for my birthday.

Despite my constant embarrassment, I was laughing.

I was cheerful.

I was whole.

Completely and utterly whole, like I would be if none of this had ever happened.

"You're awake," a voice, familiar with its warm tone, whispered beside me.

It was then that I noticed I wasn't alone, bringing me back to the events from last night. Tilting my head slightly to the right, I was surprised to see the action wasn't painful, like it usual was whenever I attempted to get up.

I was instantly greeted with Alice's brightening smile.

"Good morning," she chirped, and I realized I hadn't replied to her earlier statement. How stupid of me to continue staring with my mouth slightly agape.

"Good morning it is," I muttered before I could stop myself.

"I mean…" I sighed, brushing a strand of hair from my forehead. "I haven't slept like that in so long. It was nice."

Hopefully she could see past the lie, because I had to be the worse liar in history. It was nice, of course, to sleep so soundly after days of nightmares and torture. But it was even nicer to wake up with her by my side, arms still firmly around my waist and a smile that could lighten anyone's mood.

Even my own, and I was never a morning person.

"So I'm taking this as a sign that you're changing your mind?"

"What do you mean?"

She laughed. "I knew you would forget."

"Alice," I uttered her name as a warning, pushing my unusually peaceful, body up. "Spit it out, or you'll face the wrath of my mood swings."

Her smile never faded. "That _is _tempting." She followed my league, crossing her legs so she was sitting across from me. "But I think I can handle your stubbornness."

I glared at her, though the grin on my lips seemed to betray my threat. "Don't think that you'll be taking me anywhere if-"

I then came to an abrupt halt, silently smacking myself as the realization soaked through.

I was going to visit her family.

I, as in Isabella Marie Swan, was going to _visit _a household full of blood drinking vampires that I thought to be family in my old life.

How wonderful.

"Oh," was my famous word in a situation like this. Why, again, had I agreed to do it?

No. Even worse. I _offered _to do it.

"Now that you're up and awake," Alice began, smirking. "And I'm guessing the look on your face means you've figured it out, you should start getting ready."

I didn't pay much attention when she glided to my closet rather gracefully, though in my eyes, she was dancing. I continued to see, think about the specific moment in time that I dreamt about.

Alice seemed to have caught my change in mood. "Please don't tell me you're having mood swings already." She frowned, holding up a shirt I didn't recognize, nor did I think I owned. "I thought you were joking."

"I was."

The frown deepened. "I understand if you're worried. We don't have to go today."

"No, everything's fine," I said, shaking my head. "I just… I had a dream last night, and I think it was of your family."

"Was it…" Alice began, handing me the shirt she held. "You shouldn't feel intimidated by Emmett. He's big, yes, but he's like a giant teddy bear once you get to know him. And just ignore Rosalie. I swear she doesn't hate you, nor is she planning to kill you-"

"It was good," I interrupted, hopefully answering her unspoken question. Biting my lip, I said, "It was before my birthday, and I think I was at your house." And then I laughed. "It was your idea to play Truth or Dare just so you could find out what to give me."

I watched Alice closely as she took a seat beside me.

"That really did happen, you know," she said. "I remember it clearly. It was one of those nights we act like humans inside our own household, only you were involved in our games for the first time. You couldn't exactly participate when we had to use our… abilities, but we entertained you."

"Hm… yes. You must always entertain the human."

"That is a must," she agreed. "But I'm sure Emmett did all the entertainment when it was his turn."

I quickly matched the name to the big one, the 'teddy bear,' as Alice called him. "What did he do?"

I found myself smiling as she giggled, throwing her face into one of my pillows to refrain from making too much noise. "Oh, you know. The little competition between Jasper and him. Only he was forced to strip to some song by Nelly."

I blushed at the mere mention of 'strip,' attempting to stop myself from picturing any of the Cullens naked.

I failed.

"And that," Alice pointed, "was your exact reaction."

I didn't think I could blush a darker shade, though by the heat rushing down my face, I suppose it really was possible.

"Now stop distracting me, Bella." She grabbed my wrists, obviously attempting to control her strength as she pushed me out the door, an outfit in my arms. "We don't have time to waste. Charlie will be back from fishing at five twenty seven sharp."

The fact that she could see the future still wasn't quite clear in my head.

"You said there were others that had special powers," I added before she could shove me out the door. "In my dream, you mentioned reading minds."

I followed her down the hall, coming to a halt in front of the bathroom.

"Edward can read minds except for yours, and Jasper can manipulate emotions."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"We're still not exactly sure why he can't hear your thoughts," she answered before I could ask. "Now, what would you like to eat?"

I couldn't think. Really, it took me a while to realize my mind was blank. How could she expect me to know that eating meant breakfast after she practically shoved an hour's worth of information in three seconds timed?

Seriously. Mindreading? Controlling emotions?

And I thought being psychic was shocking enough.

I didn't notice Alice was talking until I saw her lips moving, and since I was mainly focusing on her face, it was a bit too late to actually listen to her words before she was gone.

Poof.

And all I heard was 'cereal.'

I was starting to think I shouldn't be asking questions. It was one thing to have a few days of pondering the issue of the Cullens being a coven of vampires.

I could understand that. You know. A few days. A creature that isn't known to exist in the human race. No big deal.

But discovering _in the morning _and_ in a hurry_ that some of these vampires have powers that could only be found in comic books… well, that was a different story.

I wouldn't be surprised if they could change into bats. That would be normal.

Groaning, I took my time and entered the bathroom. I honestly didn't see the point in rushing. Last time I checked, it was nine thirteen, and that was just seven minutes ago.

I made my way to the sink, frowning at the sight before me.

Oh joy.

No toothpaste.

I used mouthwash instead, just so I could get rid of my morning breath, mentally taking note to buy some toothpaste in the market later that day.

If I survive, of course.

I shuddered at the thought.

I spent the next twenty minutes cleaning up, washing my face, and jumping into the shower, which was extremely difficult with a cast on, mind you. And for some reason, the thought of Alice waiting impatiently bothered me.

I quickly dressed, despite my earlier thoughts on taking my time, and admired the outfit Alice had chosen. I admit it wasn't something I usually wore, and in a good way. I would have worn a t-shirt.

Hair tied back into a ponytail, I glided down the stairs, the smell of actual food reaching my nose.

"It's about time," Alice said as I entered the kitchen. "I was about to drag you out of the bathroom myself."

I knew she was joking, really, and I shouldn't have had the thoughts of Alice barging in while I was in the shower.

Naked.

"You… made pancakes?" I asked, mostly to change the subject before Alice could ask, though the fact that there were pancakes and a cup of orange juice on the table did catch my attention.

"I was looking through your cabinets for cereal and saw the pancake mix," Alice said. "I thought you might prefer that. You make it really hard for me when you can't decide."

I stared at her for a moment, and took in her words before they sunk in. I didn't know why, but my chest began to hurt, and not in the bad way, either.

"Thank you, Alice," I smiled, interpreting the pain to be a reaction to her kindness, and quickly hugged her.

"You're welcome," Alice replied. "I'm beginning to follow the average times humans feed."

"And you know how to cook human food?" I asked, taking a seat.

"I can promise you it isn't poisoned." She laughed, causing me to smirk. "But I began learning when you came along. In case you don't remember, I used to help you cook when it came to feeding Charlie."

"You're right. I don't remember." I took a bite out of my pancake and, much to my surprise, it didn't taste like burnt rubber. "This is really good."

"I know." She smirked, leaning forward with her hands supporting her head. She then pointed to herself. "Psychic."

I continued eating, not even noticing Alice's intent stares until I was nearly through.

"Am I really that interesting to watch?"

"Yes," she uttered. "It's the way you eat, rather."

I swallowed, suddenly growing self conscious. "Why? Do I eat weird? Do I have something in my teeth?"

"Of course not," Alice laughed. "It's different from how we feed. I find it fascinating."

I nodded to show her I understood, then took my plate and dumped in the sink.

Making my way to the front door, I put a shoe on my uninjured foot, hesitating with whether I should bring my crutches or not.

I didn't want to look even more pathetic than I already was, so the solution came pretty quick.

"I hope you don't mind that I had to leave while Charlie was gone to pick up my car," she added once we were outside. "I didn't think it would be suitable with a broken leg to carry you there."

I nodded once, unable to find my voice to reply, nor did I have anything to say, really.

I held my head back once I was in the car and strapped my seatbelt on, despite the fact that my mind was on something entirely different.

Once the car rumbled to life, I allowed myself to wander, my entire body jumping at Alice's touch as her fingers made contact with my hand.

And it wasn't because they were cold. I was already used to the abnormal temperatures.

I looked at her, my chest tightening painfully again as she grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry," she murmured. "You looked like you were about to fall asleep. And you seem worried."

I nodded in reply, forcing myself to put on my own smile when what I really wanted to do was to get out.

Now.

And not turn back.

Anything to escape the overwhelming amount of thoughts flowing through my mind. And even when I hated to admit it, the emotions, as well.

Yes, I was worried. The problem was about what, and I had a feeling I already knew.

"It's going to be fine, Bella," Alice confirmed. "Trust me. I know."

I hoped she was referring to her family.

"I'm not scared," I uttered. It was the truth. I already forgot why we were in the car in the first place.

"Really?" she muttered. "Then would you care to explain why I just saw you attempt to escape?"

Attempt to escape…? Oh. She really wasn't lying when she said she could see outcomes on people's decisions, was she?

"Thought so," she said, turning on a corner so we were now hidden behind a bunch of trees.

Pushing aside all other thoughts, I breathed in slowly and said, "You live in the forest?"

"I've been told of your theories when we first met you," she replied. "You thought we lived in dungeons?"

I bit my lip, twisting my face into a scowl. "I would have thought so if I didn't remember that time I visited."

"Really, Bella? Dungeons?"

"Hey, don't blame me for not knowing anything about vampires!" I frowned. "Now you're going to tell me you don't turn into bats?"

I caught her eye the moment she drove up a steep hill, the trees thinning in numbers, and I couldn't help but notice her eyes, which were different now. They were deep, endless in swirls of gold. I would have thought the difference would be a good thing if she had a talent for hiding her emotions.

"You're upset," was what escaped my lips without my consent.

She shifted her gaze to the road again, and, glancing in her direction, I noticed we were in a wider area, almost like a meadow, and I could make out the outline of a house in the distance.

"You may want to keep the vampire theories to yourself," she whispered. "You're lucky we weren't in hearing range. Emmett would already be planning jokes on your presumption in us transforming into bats."

I ignored her warning. "Tell me what's wrong."

"There's nothing wrong, Bella." She came to a halt in front of a rather large house, painted white, and possibly a few decades old. It was beautiful, I admit. Cozy.

A house I've seen before.

"You're lying," I uttered before Alice had the chance to open her door.

She sighed and glanced toward the house again, and it was then that I realized we were being watched. If I hadn't known better, there was a man there. The door hung open, empty at the moment, but he was blond.

Jasper, was it?

"I've just been having visions of this reunion. The events continue to change, so it's possible it won't go well."

Stepping out of my seat, I froze in my spot, eyes growing wide. I suddenly felt nervous again.

"Bad how?"

Alice linked her arm to mine, with me gaining the urge to hold her hand as a distraction from the anxiety. Seriously, if a wrenching chest was a sign for an approaching heart attack, I should have died by now.

I sort of wished it would happen already. Anything so I wouldn't have to go through with this. It was a lot easier to think about the outcomes last night. But now…

I felt Alice's slender fingers intertwine with my own, and I took this opportunity to squeeze.

It didn't help much.

"Don't worry about it," she whispered into my ear, and it embarrassed me to know there was nothing private about this conversation. "I promise nothing will happen to you."

Right…

_Of course _nothing bad will happen. Not with a house full of vampires that was just a few feet away, and I wasn't even afraid of that. Wasn't I here last time something happened? The entire disaster that caused this mess?

I found myself on the porch then, and I instantly felt calm, which was weird, seeing as how my mind was anything but.

I looked at Alice for an answer.

She smiled. "Jasper can control emotions, remember?"

I shuddered. That wasn't weird at all.

Inside was even more beautiful. Bright, I should say, with large, open space that matched the size of the house from the outside. The walls were painted white, and to the left was a massive staircase that seemed to go on forever.

But that wasn't what caught my attention.

There, greeting me from what appeared to be the living room, sat the entire family.

I stopped breathing.

I couldn't help but admire each of their faces, quick glances, since seeing them in real life was completely different than in my dreams.

They were more beautiful than I could have imagined.

The blond girl, Rose, was seated in front of the t.v., with Emmett beside her. She wasn't looking at me like everyone else was, and I was eternally grateful for that.

Jasper stood in front of the entrance to the kitchen, or at least that's what it looked like, and my eyes easily found Edward near a piano in the far corner of the room. His eyes seemed to light up when he caught my gaze, and I instantly felt a new wave of worry wash over me. Or was it fear this time?

"Bella! Oh, it's so wonderful to see you again!" A woman's voice broke the silence, actually acknowledging my presence.

I've never seen her before, and I could only think of her to be Alice's mother, seeing that she only had four siblings and I counted all of them off.

She approached me without hesitation, as if we were friends, and embraced me fully.

I couldn't say I wasn't pleased that I was accepted so quickly, though it still didn't stop my body from tensing.

"Esme, don't scare the poor girl." A man appeared by her side, obtaining the same awestruck beauty the entire family possessed.

Her father, perhaps?

"Carlisle." He smiled, and pointed to the woman. "And this is Esme."

Esme caught my eye, a look of realization soaking in her features, followed by the same expression Alice held in the car.

"Bella!" Emmett shouted enthusiastically, making his way over. I jumped slightly at the sound of his booming laugh. "Long time, no see!"

"It's nice to meet you, Emmett," I managed to choke out, mustering up a smile for him, even when all I wanted to do was crawl into some dark hole.

His chuckles died down, and all was silent again.

Oh.

Maybe I should have said "see" instead of "meet."

I haven't noticed everyone's gaze was towards Edward until Alice bumped my shoulder, and I looked at her, and toward him as well, silently taking in his stillness, as if he were struggling with something. And for some reason, I saw him that way, but in a different place. A classroom, it looked like.

"Perhaps it would be best if this meeting took place another day," Carlisle added, flashing a quick look toward Alice, I presumed. "We apologize for making you uncomfortable, Bella."

"No! Please. I'm fine. Really," I stuttered. I struggled to say anything but single words. "It's just a bit…" I hesitated. "… Overwhelming," I breathed out. "But I'm fine."

Carlisle nodded once, and, giving me an understanding smile, he said, "Very well. Would you like Alice to give you a tour around the house?"

"Maybe later. Thank you," I uttered, feeling a little better with his sincerity. I turned to Alice, squeezing her hand lightly. "I'd probably feel a little better if I knew what was going on. Alice isn't exactly the best to confide in when it comes to information."

I felt myself smile when laughter was heard, and, laughing myself when she flicked her tongue at me, she said, "I'm just taking that as a compliment."

"Do as you wish," I whispered, unable to break eye contact until she gently pulled on my arm. I looked at the walls instead, silently praying that no one would notice my blush.

Taking a seat across from everyone else, Alice released her grip on me and, with a wink in my direction, gracefully walked the other way.

Quiet whispers could be heard between Carlisle and Esme, and constant glances were directed toward Edward, as if in a silent conversation. Call me stupid, but it was rather difficult to keep up with the fact that he could read thoughts.

Maybe that was why he hadn't said a word since I arrived? His family spoke to him through their minds.

I should have just listened to the quiet conversation, anything to keep my mind off the world of conflicts tearing me apart. But my attention went to Alice again.

And my heart dropped.

I watched, with undeniable interest, as she leaned into Jasper's arms, tilting her head up to capture his lips with her own in a gentle kiss. I wanted to look away, to give them their privacy in this loving moment of theirs. I wanted to act like it wasn't anything at all, to be happy that my only real friend was happy.

But there was only one thought in my mind, and it was that she already had someone.

And I was already struggling with changing the statement from 'she was taken.'

Something pierced through my chest, like a knife, but not big enough to compete with the pain I once dealt with merely weeks ago. Maybe because it was mixed with something else. Some other emotion.

Envy.

No. It couldn't be. There was no reason to feel jealous. Unless, of course, my desire to have what Alice had created this feeling.

And it was then that I remembered what Jasper's talent was.

He looked at me.

I looked away.

And of course my face grew hot, though the temperature seemed to increase depending on the scale of humiliation.

It was a perfect ten.

"Well then," Carlisle began carefully. "Where should we begin?"

It was quiet again, and all I could really hear was the beating of my heart, which had a tendency to drum against my chest rapidly whenever I grew insecure. And the reason behind that was obvious.

Everyone was waiting for my reply.

"I…" I began, fumbling with my fingers as my breathing became uneven and rough, my voice bound to tremble if I uttered more than one word.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Edward moving, his eyes drilling into my skull.

I shivered.

"Alice already explained what I need to know about… you guys," I whispered. "I can find out more later. I just… I honestly don't know where to begin."

"That's perfectly understandable," Carlisle stated calmly. "Bella," he began, uttering my name in a tone I couldn't distinguish. "Are you aware of what caused this incident?"

I nodded slowly, unable to understand which incident he was referring to.

"It's because you left, I think."

There was soft murmuring coming from the room, but I didn't pay any attention, nor could I even understand the words as they were too quick for human ears.

"Bella…" Esme began, but I interrupted her.

"You don't have to apologize," I murmured lightly. "Please don't. I don't know what happened, so there's no reason to."

"You don't know," Carlisle said. "Or you don't remember?"

I didn't say anything.

"Bella, what happened? Alice already confirmed that you jumped off a cliff. Is that true?"

I shrugged, lowering my eyes to the floor. "Apparently."

"Why?" Carlisle asked, leaning forward in his seat. "Bella, why would you do such a thing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Rosalie asked. "Really? How stupid can a human get? She was trying to kill herself."

"Rose," Jasper began, and it seemed like he used his abilities to silence the commotion. "Let her speak."

"No. She's right," I breathed out. "They told me I was attempting suicide. I didn't actually believe it until… until I started remembering."

It was all I could say before I heard a deep growl coming from the other side of the room, followed by an earsplitting crack that echoed across the vast walls.

I flinched, and instantly I was greeted by Edward's trembling form.

"How could you?" he shouted, his face twisted in rage, the pain and agony still evident in his eyes. "You promised me, Bella. You promised you wouldn't do anything stupid and look what happened! You _hurt _yourself!"

"Edward, calm down," I heard Esme plead. I paid no attention to her as I stood up as well.

"Like you haven't done the job already," I glared, listening to the small gasps in the background. "Like _you don't have the slightest clue how much pain you inflicted on me."_

I honestly didn't know how I could gain the courage to shout like that. It was just the anger, the _fury _that resurfaced the moment he had the nerve to speak to me.

"You tried to kill yourself, Bella," he whispered, his tone softening within every word. "We left because I was trying to protect you."

"You didn't do a very good job, then, did you?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it, his jaw softening from stiffness, but his eyes remained filled with agony.

"I'm sorry," he answered, capturing my gaze with his own. "You… have no idea how terribly sorry I am, Bella. I was stupid. Completely stupid and selfish," he continued. "I just wanted you to have the human life you deserve."

I stared at him incredulously, shooting a quick glance behind him to find several of the Cullens have left.

I didn't have the time to figure out which ones.

"A human life? You mean… I could become like… one of you?" I asked and shook my head violently. "Wouldn't… wouldn't that be my decision with what to do with my life? Don't I get a say in this at all?"

Closing his eyes, he pressed two fingers against the bridge of his nose, breathing in deeply. "You don't want that."

"Oh, I don't?" I glared, hands clenched into fists.

"You would've been _damned _for eternity, Bella. I could never let you throw away your soul like it's garbage."

"And what makes you think you could decide what I _want-_"

He snarled in fury and, with a gentle movement, grabbed my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him.

"Because I love you," he admitted, swallowing me whole with his intense gaze. "Bella," he murmured softly, and if I hadn't known better, he was shedding tears that couldn't fall no matter how many times he blinked. "I…" He paused to breathe out. "I am to blame for everything that has happened. You have to remember, Bella. I just… I _can't _live without you."

Edward's jaw was stiff again, but his grip on my face loosened, tracing his cold thumbs across my cheeks. I couldn't breathe because of his closeness, and I couldn't stop staring as I felt his breath prickling my forehead. Slowly and ever so gently, he tilted my head higher and brushed his lips against my own.

I immediately pushed him away.

"I may not remember what I had with you, Edward, but I haven't forgotten the promises you've broken yourself," I bit out, only paying slight attention when Alice quickly made her way towards me. "_I_ can live without you."

"Bella." Alice took hold of my hand. "Maybe we should go."

I shook my head, pulling away from her grip a bit too forcefully. "I'm not leaving," I said, knowing she could make out the bitterness in my tone. "I… I just need time to think. Alone."

And with that, I made my way to the door without another glance.


	7. Chapter 6

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** This chapter's in Alice's P.O.V.

* * *

"That… didn't go so well," Emmett said, deciding it was best to break the silence that lingered for what seemed like hours.

Which was unusual, seeing that time passed differently for vampires than it did for humans. It was only two minutes since Bella left when it should have felt like a few seconds.

But those two minutes were excruciatingly long.

I wasn't particularly fond of this feeling. It was as if a weight was heaved onto my shoulders, my dead heart actually feeling like it _was _dead. There was a reason why we, as in our existence, give up our souls for this type of life.

It wasn't supposed to feel like this.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Einstein," I replied, and a bit too resentfully than I had intended to.

The warmth of Jasper's arms comforted me as I took a seat beside him on the couch, though it could've been him manipulating my sorrow to fit in with his tranquility. I wasn't entirely certain about what to feel about it.

My gaze was permanently glued to the doorway, the hesitation merely expanding as the idea of following Bella grew to be essential.

"I think she'd appreciate it if she was alone," Jasper whispered, as if _he _were the mind reader. "I can assure you that her anger isn't aimed toward you."

I nodded halfheartedly. But the meaning behind Jasper's words was hidden, an implication to all of us listening that there was a cause for Bella's sudden outrage.

I couldn't catch Edward's gaze when I looked at him, though I knew instantly he had heard my thoughts of hostility when he continued to glare at the floor, his trembling body evident to a vampire's eye.

"It wasn't supposed to end the way it did," Edward spoke through a broken voice, answering my unspoken question.

"What did you expect, Ed?" I seethed, and drifted away from Jazz's embrace. "Did you just expect her to forget about all that we did and leap into your arms like nothing happened?"

"Alice," Carlisle interrupted from the kitchen, followed by a pained Esme watching her son with sympathy. "Please. Now is not the time."

"I wasn't thinking," Edward replied, closing his eyes and taking a breath of unneeded air.

"Of course you weren't," Rose barged in. "Even _I _know not to attack a human, even if you weren't planning on killing her. The girl just discovered our secret. Have you learned _nothing _at all with our existence?"

It surprised me, I had to admit, to know Rosalie was, in a way, on Bella's side in this situation. I knew she held no hatred for her, but I also knew Bella wasn't exactly her favorite person in the world, human or nonhuman. I was a bit taken aback by her comeback, and apparently, with everyone's expressions, they were, too.

"Why is everyone ganging up on me?" Edward cried. "It was stupid! I know." He scowled, a weak growl erupting through his chest before his fists made contact with the wall. "What have I done?"

I knew for certain, with the tremendous holes taking the place of the wall, that Esme would have gone ballistic if those holes weren't proof of Edward's sorrow and regret.

I stood up and, with slow and careful movements, gathered as much as I could of my brother in my arms. I was angry at his actions. Yes. But everyone has their flaws and mistakes that occur in life, or in our case, eternity.

Edward just happened to make many stupid mistakes.

He laughed, and I couldn't help but laugh with him, knowing he read my mind.

"Thanks, Alice," he murmured sarcastically. "That's quite helpful."

"I warned you, Ed." I sighed. "This could've gone either way. Good or bad. I suppose today wasn't the day."

I pulled away just as Esme took a seat beside him, pulling him into a motherly hug, which meant her grip on him was much tighter as he was forced onto her shoulder, much to his humiliation.

He didn't seem to care, though, as Esme carefully rocked him back and forth like he was a child again, and it occurred to me that I couldn't remember a time Edward accepted this type of affection. Obviously, we didn't have the ability to physically grow, but we could, mentally. It was rare to cry as we grew through the years.

And it was even rarer to see Edward do such a thing. The only times I could ever imagine him crying would be when he lost someone extremely important to him, such as Bella.

When we left her, he had lost her. And now… he had lost her again, and it frightened me to not know if this loss was permanent.

And not just for his sake, but our entire family's, as well.

"I don't need the pity," he added a moment later, and it was clear to me that the statement wasn't intended to sound rude. "I don't want it."

"You just want reality to be a distant dream," I whispered, repeating the words I once heard, and I was never sure where. I had a theory, though, that they came from my human life.

It made sense, seeing that my life was a nightmare.

He nodded once and, leaning forward on the couch, he closed his eyes again. I supposed it was an attempt to ignore the numerous thoughts clouding his already crowded mind.

"I have to hunt," he whispered, instantly standing on his feet.

I knew my brother well, and if I hadn't known better, he was far from thirsty. He was humiliated, utterly embarrassed that he had shown some weakness in front of his family. He was never one to do such a thing, and fresh air would be able to calm him down.

I could never understand why. It sort of angered me with how men could be so complicated at times.

Edward shot me a glare, and I smirked. He just confirmed my answer.

With another annoyed glare at my thoughts, he left in the opposite direction Bella took, making sure he wasn't tempted to follow her and make the situation even worst.

Honestly, I didn't know how it could get any worst. The only thing that could heighten the meter on how terrible everything was at the moment was if the wolf suddenly showed up. And it was quite possible, now knowing I was unable to see werewolves in my visions.

The information irritated me immensely. The moment I found out, my thoughts instantly drifted to Bella, and how none of this would be happening if this 'Jacob' hadn't been involved in Bella's life.

I owed him my gratitude, however, for saving her life.

The thought made me gasp, immediately silencing everyone's quiet murmurs about Edward.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked, eyeing me closely. "Did you have a vision?"

I shook my head violently, clamping a hand over my mouth for no apparent reason at all.

"Victoria," I whispered. "Bella's out there. Alone."

"But you didn't see anything?" Esme confirmed.

"Esme, she's out there _alone,_" I seethed, unable to control the anger arising at everyone's carelessness. "Even if there wasn't another vampire for another thousand miles, she could just as easily fall and crack her skull open. I have to see if she's alright!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Emmett laughed, but stopped the moment he caught my scowl. "Really, Alice? You of all people should know that girl has a serious temper problem. And in the mood she's in now…" He shook his head, feigning a realistic fearful expression. "Woah. Even if she's human, I don't think I have the balls to mess with her."

"I'm her best friend," I replied, almost smugly. "She trusted me when I practically attacked her when she got back from the hospital."

"That is very believable," Carlisle began. "But she needs time to think, Alice. Give her some time, and if she doesn't come back, then it is her decision. Though I don't think she would want to leave by herself. She doesn't know her way back."

"But Victoria-"

"The wolves confirmed today that she was last seen near Port Angeles," Carlisle replied. "Bella's safe for now, as long as you continue to watch her. If she's in any trouble, you should be able to see it beforehand."

I unconsciously bit my lower lip, knowing very well that I was defeated, though the fact remained that Bella didn't have the slightest clue of what was going on.

"She last spoke to the dog two weeks ago," I stated softly. "I made him promise not to tell her of his existence yet, and he agreed, which was extremely difficult, mind you, as long as we didn't tell her of ours."

I didn't know why I was repeating this. My family knew, of course, though I guess I was trying to make a point.

"Obviously I couldn't keep up with that promise." I laughed, not seeing the humor in this at all. "He's going to find out soon. I can't see it, but I have a feeling he's going to pay a visit, and it's not going to end well if he figures out that she knows."

"Are you implying that we tell her about those filthy mutts?" Rose sneered, clearly disgusted at just the mere thought of them. She was always the one to speak her mind.

I nodded. "And about Victoria. She'll know to at least try to keep out of danger, and it'll prevent a war with the wolves."

"I agree with you, Alice," Carlisle stated, and I didn't need to manipulate emotions to know he was upset about something. "But in all honesty, with the way things are headed, I'm uncertain with the outcomes."

"You mean if she chooses to stay with us or not?" Jasper asked.

Carlisle nodded. "As much as I hate to say this, for both hers and Edward's sakes, I'm afraid that there's a large possibility that she'll refuse to have anything to do with us, vampires or not."

"Oh, wow. That's absolutely terrible! How will we go on?" Rose rolled her eyes, filling the atmosphere with the stench of sarcasm. "How will we live without the human that caused all of this in the first place?"

She gave me a cold glare when I growled, the irritation being replaced with worry the moment realization soaked in. I couldn't see her future because she hasn't made a decision yet, which, to my horror, meant she could very likely choose to leave us.

The thought brought a sharp pain to my chest.

"The doctors said she would start remembering," I stated in a panic. "I overheard them. Her appointment's in a few days and she'll be given medication to help, along with a psychiatrist. You even said so, Carlisle."

"I am aware of that," he replied, sullenly. "And as a doctor myself, it seems as if she's purposely blocking out her memories. She's remembering her childhood and important events that took place, but her memories of us remain hidden."

"But she's slowly remembering us," I pointed out.

"And that could come to a halt anytime soon," he replied. "It was mistaken to think all her memories would be filled throughout time, because it is also very likely that they will not. She has gone through severe depression because of our departure, and it has occurred to me that her fall may not be the only cause for her amnesia."

"So in other words, we'll be seeing more of 'Emo Edward'," Rose confirmed, more to herself than to anyone else.

"Rosalie." Esme frowned, and I could have sworn I saw a Rose flinch. Esme rarely used Rose's entire first name, and the only times she would was when she was angry.

And Esme was rarely angry.

"Please don't insult your brother. He's going through a difficult time at the moment."

"It was his idea to leave in the first place," Rose continued, harshly. "He wanted her to have a human life, didn't he? Well, why are we back? She doesn't remember us! And she probably never will! She's living a normal, human life, just like Edward wanted. We can just leave Forks again and it won't make a difference."

"And that's the _exact _mistake Edward made!" I hissed, shifting slightly away from Jasper. "She may not see us as what we were to her in the past, but she's grown close to me. Leaving will only cause her more damage."

I turned to eye Carlisle before looking at Esme. "Besides, I happen to remember that Bella was considered to be family, and not just Edward's girlfriend."

"_Family?_" Rose sneered. "I don't recall allowing a _human _into this family."

"Rose, will you _shut up _already?" I fumed. "No one gives a damn about your opinion."

There was a sudden chill in the air then, followed by a wave of calmness most likely sent by a pained Jasper. I would have left with him by then, to drag him away from all of these emotions, but I couldn't bring myself to look away from Rose's icy glare.

She frowned and stood up, holding the same irritated expression on her flawless face, but I could make out the pain pooling in her eyes.

"I won't even bother using the word 'family'," she sneered. "There's nothing left of us anymore."

And she walked off, saving her last glance for me.

A few seconds passed before Emmett stood as well, his large frame hesitating before saying, "She's right, you know."

And then he was gone.

It was quick, and most likely pointless to worry about, seeing that I fought with my siblings all the time. But just seeing the two of them walk off because of my careless choice of words caused my stomach to twist and turn. I knew if I was human, I would have vomited whatever I had left in my stomach.

Everything hurt, because even _I _knew Rose was right.

This family, or whatever you would call it, was falling apart.

I watched quietly as Esme leaned her body against Carlisle, her eyes lifeless, an exact image of her appearance during Edward's isolation from the rest of us.

I felt the need to cry, and I could actually _feel_ it. The tears that blurred my vision. Tears that could never be shed, and I could never experience the feeling of having your sorrow slip down your cheeks.

It was a human experience I never wanted to give up.

I sensed Jasper's gaze on me, and the moment he laid a hand on my thigh, a vision clouded my mind.

"Where are you going, Alice?"

I didn't even realize I was standing outside the doorway, jacket in hand, before Carlisle spoke those words.

"I had a vision," I told him, the panic slowly arising as I thought about Bella's practically broken frame. Honestly, I didn't think. I just acted the moment I saw her. "She needs my help."

"Is she alright?"

I didn't want to worry him.

"Yes." But then I pondered my answer, shaking my head. "I mean, no. She's crying."

"Are you sure this is the best-"

"I care about her, Carlisle," I shot back as politely as I could. "Edward's not the only one who loves Bella, and if he's just going pity himself while she's out in the rain, then I guess it's my job to do what Edward can't do."

He eyed me for a moment, his face expressionless, and then he nodded to himself, hinting his approval.

But I didn't wait for this gesture.

I envisioned it when I took off running, following Bella's scent just as the rain began to fall.


	8. Chapter 7

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** T

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone for the reviews!

* * *

I didn't want to.

The last thing I ever wanted to do was show weakness, and by doing that, my tears would blend in with the rain, and I would curl up into my usual position as a way to stop my heart from breaking again. But I knew it was impossible.

It was already shattered.

All I could feel was the pain drowning me whole, taking in the small pieces of life, of the soul that still existed within my lifeless body. I still felt like I had one, but it was infested by the idea that I didn't exist, that I was nothing.

And I was.

I _was _nothing.

The simple idea was what kept me together.

To believe I had anything in this… this _existence _would simply deepen the pain.

I could handle the agony. But the more intense it was, the more tears there were, and the whimpers would be a part of my surroundings. Of nature.

They were just there.

And like I said, I didn't want to show weakness. But that didn't mean I could stop it.

I was broken, which means these unwanted results were unstoppable.

"I'm not leaving," I whispered.

The words came out low and deep, cracking beneath my self-pity and loathing. But I knew she could hear. She was a vampire, after all. And somehow, I had a strong feeling that she would be coming, and I was ready for any attempts to bring me back.

These words may have been weak when they were uttered, but they were strong because they were honest.

I wasn't leaving.

I caught sight of her small frame in the corner of my eye, inching herself closer until I was greeted by her legs, and if I had the strength to tilt my head up, I'm sure I would have seen her entirely.

Before I knew it, she curled her body beside my own, pulling herself closer until her face was merely a few inches from mine, and I could feel the coolness of her flesh, mixed with the wetness of the rain, make contact with my skin.

"Neither am I," Alice murmured, catching my eyes in one breathtaking moment.

Literally.

"Just tell me when you don't want me here, and I'll leave," she went on, her tone a bit more serious than her last statement.

I managed to crack a smile upon my lips, tearing away from the intensity of her eyes, though I still caught myself wanting to look back. "That'll never happen."

When she sighed, her breath tingled against the surface of my neck, and just that action caused me to meet her gaze once more.

"I know," she said.

I was able to finally notice the rippling of water gliding across her face just as the rain began pouring, and the feeling of her clothes, drenched against my own.

"Your clothes," I choked out, unable to control the tears now shedding for no apparent reason. "You- they're-"

"Shh…" she hushed, attempting to calm me with the contact of her hand on my arm. "It's worth it."

A single tear merged within the rain, and a sob broke out without my consent. I couldn't help but feel the little bit of joy blend in with my anguish at her motive. She was lying here, trying to comfort me, and it was worth the mud and water destroying her designer clothing.

Her icy hand made contact with the soft flesh of my neck, and I shivered. It was obvious that this reaction had nothing to do with the chilliness of her skin, and the rapid beating of my heart wasn't fear of what she was doing.

Alice smiled, which was what caused the fear in me to think she knew. Her fingers gently stroked the back of my neck, using her thumb to tuck a tangled strand of hair behind my ear.

And before I knew it, Alice's lips brushed against my forehead in a tender kiss, the pain easily overruling my moment of contentment.

"Let it out," she whispered. "You can trust me."

Of course I did.

Why else would I sob even harder against her shoulder, showing the one person I wish I could hate all my weaknesses like the fragile human I was?

Why else would I let her arms slip around my back, holding me like I'd disappear if her grip was loosened in any amount of strength?

Why_ else_ would the pain be any worse when she continued to whisper in my ear, my chest clenching when I wanted to pull myself closer to her in both ways.

It was because I trusted her.

She was the only one I could ever allow to grow close to me after my past experiences, no matter how much I didn't want her to.

I didn't want to feel this. It would simply cause even more pain.

"I'm not letting go," she declared, once sensing my hesitation as I attempted to pull back. "You can pull all you want, but I'm not letting go."

The force in her words told me she wasn't lying. So I did the only thing I could do.

I cried.

I cried until the wind broke through this moment.

I cried until there weren't any more tears left to cry with.

But even then, I still felt broken. I didn't even notice Alice move until she was out of my grip.

The panic was overwhelming. "Don't go!" I cried, reaching out just as she knelt beside me.

"I won't, Bella," she replied, taking hold of my hands. "But we need to get back."

"I can't face him," I muttered, the thought of Edward causing my chest to ache.

"You won't have to. He went hunting," she said softly, pulling me into her arms once more. "You're going to be ill."

"I don't care."

"But I do," she pointed out. She lifted my head up by my chin, causing my breath to hitch when I saw the concern pooling in her eyes. "Please. Do it for me."

Just those five words made my body limp and, reluctantly, I nodded with the little strength I had left.

Alice smiled. "May I?"

I didn't have the slightest clue what she was asking for until I saw her hands held out before me, palms up, as if asking for permission to hold me again. I looked at her, then toward the direction I thought I came from, before realizing she wanted to carry me there.

A soft gasp was uttered through my lips as I slowly shook my head, closing my eyes to release the vague image drowning my mind. "You asked me that before."

She smiled once more, only this time, it was different, seeing as her face seemed to light up at the mere movement of her lips, and the smile appeared to have reached her eyes.

She didn't speak, but simply cupped me in her arms and, uttering a few words I couldn't hear, took off in her normal speed.

And when I say normal, I mean in the usual vampire speed I had to bear with when I first arrived from the hospital.

Her feet barely touched the ground, or at least in my eyes, and instantly I was met with a churning in my stomach the moment I lifted them to watch the trees pass by.

I felt sick, and closing my eyes didn't ease the discomfort, though I didn't have to deal with it for long before I heard Alice's voice ringing through my ears.

"You can open your eyes now. We're here," she whispered, prying away my fingers that dug into her granite skin. "I apologize for frightening you."

I obeyed, and it took me longer than necessary to see we were indoors, away from the wind and rain, and inside an unfamiliar room. I was placed on top of a rather large bed, centered in a corner, and my head hit the cushion before I had time to really admire the design.

Alice, having noticed my questioning look, said, "This is my room." I watched with disinterest as she disappeared from my sight. "And Jasper's, though it's difficult to tell when I'm the one who decorated it."

It was true. The room was feminine. So… Alice-like. I instantly felt stupid for not figuring it out before. But what caught my attention the most was the mention of Jasper.

This was Alice's _and _Jasper's room.

And here I was, lying on the bed they shared _together._

Together. That's what they were.

"Bella," I heard her say. I didn't have the will to look at her. I was afraid she might question my newly formed tears. "You may want to change into dry clothes. I have some for you."

I didn't move, nor did I respond. I was too busy swallowing up my self-pity.

I felt a sudden movement on the bed, followed by Alice's petite figure appearing by my side. I looked at her, quietly studying her face, which was twisted into a concerned expression. I couldn't exactly tell with my blurry vision.

"Would you like me to do it for you?" Alice asked, silently wiping a few stranded tears.

Her voice came out hazy, almost like an echo sounding across the walls. But I nodded, nevertheless, and soon I was greeted by cold fingers brushing against my bare stomach.

I couldn't hear the gasp released, but I did make a sound. A whimper, perhaps, and a flinch as I stopped Alice's hand from going any further beneath my soaking shirt.

"It's just me," Alice whispered, capturing my eyes in a reassuring glance. "I promise I won't look."

I should have felt violated, but how could I when my best friend was offering to help and I was letting her when I let go of her hands? I was hurting, both emotionally and physically.

"You have cuts all over your arms and stomach," Alice confirmed gently, but I could easily make out the anger in her tone. "Has anyone-"

"I fell… a lot," I assured her. "In the forest- it's really hard walking with a cast on. Especially in the rain."

She sighed, and I couldn't tell if it was a sigh of relief or irritation. But either way, she kept her eyes on my face without hesitation to look any further just as the shirt was raised over my head.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, fighting the urge to cover myself as Alice reached for a dry top. "My body's sore."

"We have to check for any infections," she murmured, most likely referring to my cuts. She helped me up from the bed, and, cringing with pain, she placed the top on me and said, "Your bra may be wet as well."

I flushed at her statement, but nodded once. She unclipped it, allowing the straps to fall and pulled the sleeves over my arms, barely exposing my breasts.

"I'm counting each day until you get that stupid cast off," she snickered, waiting for me to unbutton my pants.

I couldn't help but join in on the laughter, though it turned more into like the whimper of a dying horse when Alice's fingers made contact with my thighs. My breath hitched and, holding it, I squirmed slightly beneath her hold as her hands traced the outside of my legs, touching bare flesh.

"I'm sorry," I gasped, both from her touch and the pain of my sores.

I reckoned it was a way to distract myself from my uneven breathing and, to my horror, the rushing of blood not only pulsing in my heart, but in a place I never dreamed of feeling.

She looked at me then, her eyes never leaving as her fingers slowly trailed back up. If I hadn't known better, she was playing with me if she was actually going this slow. Or was I imagining it because it I wanted it to be true?

"For what?" she asked.

I jerked forward when her hands came dangerously close to my crotch.

"You may want to-" She pointed to my underwear, turning to retrieve another article of clothing.

"Oh, right." I blushed, struggling as I leant forward to pull it down my legs.

Alice didn't watch as I did this, but merely helped knock it off my feet, replacing it with a dry pair, and I wouldn't be surprised if her underwear was an expensive brand as well.

Was she not affected by this like I was?

She didn't appear to be, seeing how ridiculously calm she was.

"I don't recall you answering my question." Alice smiled, moving on to the pants, at which point I was calmer myself.

"Um… well, for doing… this, first," I stuttered, ridding away of the humiliating apology, and going on to the difficult one. "And for what happened with your family. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

I was fully clothed by then, supported by Alice as she joined me in lying on the bed.

"No problem for the first one." She winked at me then, causing me to blush at how cryptic she was being. "And I don't blame you for the second."

"What do you mean?" I eyed her, puzzled. "You're not angry with what happened?"

She shook her head, shifting her body off the bed to place my clothing in a pile before quickly making her way back, fully dressed in dry clothes. "You're not at fault for your reaction."

"Alice," I began, pondering how I couldn't be blamed. "I was rude to your family, and did you not see when I blew up at your brother?"

"You weren't rude, Bella."

"But I-"

"And I would have had to be miles away to not have heard your yelling," she assured me, grinning slightly. "If there's anyone to blame, it would be that certain brother you yelled at."

I stopped myself before uttering another word, slowly taking in her words. I admit it wasn't such a bad thing to blame it on Edward.

"He shouldn't have done that, Bella. He shouldn't have walked up to you like everything was okay and forgotten," Alice continued. "He feels horrible for it, and if he could take back everything he's said and done, he would."

"You mean he didn't mean it when he said you left to protect me? That he still he loves me?"

"You know what I mean." She scowled, playfully kicking my leg. "But to rephrase it for your uncomprehending human mind," she continued, snickering when I frowned. "He meant everything he said. He just wishes he had said it differently… and perhaps he could have gone without the kiss, as well."

"Perhaps?" I added.

She sighed. "Alright. He was a complete and utter fool for kissing you."

"Thought so." I smirked, arching an eyebrow when I caught Alice vacillating. "But…?"

"Just out of curiosity… is my brother is a good kisser?"

I stared at her, incredulously, suddenly having the urge to throw a pillow at her face. Though the innocence on her expression was probably what prevented me from doing so, despite the fact that she could kill me with just a pinky.

"What?" She asked, continuing her good girl act.

"Way to make a girl feel better," I grumbled. The grin playing my lips betrayed my irritation.

"Is it working?" she asked, sitting up. "Honestly, I don't want to know how he kisses. That's revolting. I should have thought of a better way to make you laugh, though."

I giggled out of nowhere, hiding my face above the covers. "Pout like that again and you may have something."

"Have you been drinking behind my back?" she asked, ignoring my last statement, but I could sense the humor in her tone.

I looked at her then, and, despite the shallow feeling in my chest, I couldn't refrain from smiling. "No," I uttered, not having the slightest clue by what she meant. Really, drink what? "You're just brilliant."

"Hmm…" she murmured quietly, tilting her head up to the ceiling. "I am, aren't I?"

It earned her a nudge in the ribs, only it backfired on me when the pain spread through my elbow. I whimpered, resulting in a small chuckle from Alice, and I ignored the pain altogether just to listen to her soft laughter.

"I don't need to control emotions to know when you're upset," she stated after a few minutes of silence.

I bit my lip to keep from sighing, knowing very well it would come out as a sign of aggravation toward her, when I was really annoyed with myself for not hiding my emotions better. I couldn't escape Alice's clutch when she discovered I was upset, or simply if I wasn't happy. Those were one of the things I both liked and disliked about her.

She didn't know when to butt out.

I shook my head.

"I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me," she added.

Of course she wasn't.

Sighing, I said, "I just… I told you I would at least try to give him a chance. But it's- it's just really difficult to love someone when you're angry with them."

"Bella, I never meant to force you into this, and you know you can choose what you want to do. You can't force yourself to love someone," Alice stated quietly, not once moving her gaze from the ceiling above her. She sighed, closing her eyes. "Love is like a drug."

Scrunching my eyebrows together, I asked, "What do you mean?"

"It's an odd comparison, isn't it?" She laughed. "I don't remember where I heard that from, but I can see the resemblance. If you really think about it, love is just supposed to come to you, like a drug. You can't stop it, but you can help lower the effects, if that makes sense…"

"Like a drug," I murmured, finally able to understand Alice's motto.

"Yes, like a drug. Well, I don't remember what it's like with drugs, but I can see the effects they have on humans," she continued, opening her eyes and surprising me when she turned on her side, facing me. "But what I'm trying to say, Bella, without comparing it to anything, is that you can't just force love in or out.

"When you experience it, no matter how much you don't want it, you can't prevent your heart from feeling it. You can't drop that person from your mind, not even in your dreams. It's a battle within yourself, and it isn't worth fighting in the absence of it. The easiest thing about it is letting it in. You can't control who you fall for. It just happens, and usually it feels like magic.

"The tricky part is whether that person feels the same way, which could either lead to happiness or the process of letting go."

I'm sure I appeared to be puzzled when she took a single glance at me and laughed.

"Sorry. I'm a bit passionate when it comes to this subject. You'd be surprised at what's taught in college," she continued, grinning. "But back to Edward again, Bella… just know that you'll always be a part of this family no matter what happens between the two of you."

I nodded, her words not quite entering my memory

"Magic," I whispered, my mind sinking into a puddle of confused thoughts.

Alice nodded. "Magic." She locked her eyes with my own.

And she left them there, leaving me as I struggled with another feeling arising in my chest. Once again, my breathing became uneven and shallow, caused by the splitting of two emotions. Fear, for one. And the other one I couldn't identify. Or at least I didn't want to.

An attraction, maybe? As I felt the blazing, hot fire prickling beneath my skin as the sudden urge to lean closer appeared? Desire was an option, when my gaze was focused on the light that seemed to radiate off her face.

Or lust, when I was drawn to her in a way that yearned to release the tension and simply touch the lips that taunted me, whether it was with the very edge of my fingertips or with my own.

A glow seemed to illuminate the dark edges of her eyes and, closing them, she snapped me back to reality with a large intake of breath.

"Charlie's coming back earlier than I thought," she whispered with an edge to her tone.

"You had a vision?" I asked, attempting to keep the sorrow out of mine, but the shedding of tears wouldn't cooperate.

"I had one on the way back from the forest. I was just waiting until you were rested," she answered, gracefully pushing her body off the bed. "I had another vision. Yes. But nothing important."

I blinked back the tears. "So you're taking me home?"

She shook her head and helped me sit up. "There's something you need to know. I'm taking you to see the w- Jacob Black."

"Jake?" I asked. "Why?"

"He might be able to explain. But for both of our conveniences, I'll invite him to your house before Charlie arrives." She then made a face of disgust. "Even if it's going to smell like wet dog."

I didn't bother asking what she meant by that. She, instead, carried me to her car, not uttering a word of our previous moment, even if I had nothing to say about it, either, seeing that I didn't have a clue with what happened.

_Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion. – Javan_


	9. Chapter 8

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** M

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **This was meant to be a oneshot I was planning to write. I got halfway through before I thought, 'Eh. Fuck it. It'll fit better in a story.' I… think it did.

* * *

Seven days.

Six hundred and four thousand, eight hundred seconds. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. One hundred and sixty-eight hours.

One week.

Seven days was all it took.

I couldn't say I was utterly shocked when I was told of the 'other' side of Jacob Black. True. There's only so much a girl can take in, especially if this certain girl suffers from amnesia and recently discovered the existence of vampires.

But that's just it.

I admit I wasn't so… tranquil, I should say, when Alice threw away her secret to me like it was garbage found on a random street corner. I had to take it in first, pondering the idea that I could really obtain so much trust for a girl I recently met, and a girl who confirmed to be a mystical creature.

It didn't take a genius to realize I _did _have that certain trust, which would probably explain why I couldn't think of myself to be insane when Alice muttered the word 'werewolf.'

Huh. Werewolf. It sounded so weird saying it.

I trusted Jake as well, so when he confirmed this _wonderful_ piece of information, I had no doubt. None at all.

If vegetarian vampires with incredible superpowers existed, why couldn't werewolves?

The meeting didn't go so well, which became outright irritating before either Alice or Jake told me they were meant to be enemies. Arch enemies, according to Jake, and, in his words, if I hadn't befriended this leech, her 'life' would be his just for having the balls to show up after what the Cullens have done to me.

Again, this information didn't seem new to me. What _really_ had me was the fact that a vampire was out looking for revenge, and by that, I mean brutally torturing me until I had nothing more to beg for, and every single ounce of life I contained would be drained in the most agonizing and excruciating pain.

Again, Jake's words.

Oddly enough, I found it rather funny. That is… until those words actually sunk in and I passed out from lack of oxygen. That was when I learned something normal.

You can't breathe when you're scared.

I regained consciousness just before Charlie was supposed to arrive from his fishing trip, and I honestly couldn't explain the relief I felt when I locked eyes with Alice, knowing she had stayed and cared enough to kick a werewolf out for clearing this information in the wrong way.

This was the beginning of day one.

"I want to get out," I begged the moment I was able to absorb my surroundings. "Please."

Alice's honey brown eyes continued to stare, trapping me in a calming mood before her unreadable expression shifted into one of pure excitement.

Even though I just recently discovered her secret, I knew Alice well enough to know when to be cautious of her hyperactive state, especially when she squealed after having a vision.

There was no need to tell her I had no desire to speak with Charlie about the Cullens. At least not yet.

Instantly, a pen and a sheet of paper were shoved into my hands, and I was quickly obeying Alice's commands as I wrote a note to Charlie, saying that I was staying at Angela's house to work on a project.

I made a phone call to Angela with my plans and, laying the note on the couch, where I knew Charlie could see, I was dragged away to Alice's car.

I was never one to lie, but I was willing to do just about anything to clear my mind, and that evidently meant straying away from the house that reminded me of the Cullens and Jake.

Alice was probably the main link to all these problems, but I honestly couldn't care less. I needed her, and nothing could possibly stop that.

"Victoria's not going to hurt you. I won't let her," Alice whispered, having noticed my anxiety. "I promise."

"I know," I added, nodding. Keeping this promise in mind, I allowed my eyes to flutter close and listened to my quiet breathing as the silence penetrated through the car. "I don't want to talk about it."

And we didn't.

For the entire car ride, my thoughts flowed through the idea of some crazy vampire killing me in every possible way I could think of. It was ridiculous, really. I had no desire to talk about her, yet she filled my mind and emotions with fear.

After about twenty minutes of Alice's insane driving, she lightly tapped my arm to fill me in that we arrived.

I should've known we'd be going to the mall.

Ha. I'm sure she knew my reaction before she envisioned it.

Let's just say she wasn't so accepting.

We were looking through a random furniture store. Thirty minutes and a pillow thrown at an expensive looking vase later, she just so happened to convince me to try on at least one outfit she _knew_ would look good on me. I didn't bother asking how she knew.

But I laughed anyway, mostly because the owner of the store was attempting to convince Alice to buy the vase that _I _broke.

We went to a clothing store nearby, and the moment she set foot through the door, I was greeted by a rather… well, a different outfit. Something I wouldn't usually wear, and something that couldn't compare to my plain hoodie and jeans.

So I tried it on.

And she called me beautiful.

With arms wrapped tightly around my very exposed stomach, she smiled at me, gently running a cold hand across my arms and pulling them apart.

I was too much of a human to notice the twinkle in her honey colored eyes, but I could still see _something. _I just didn't know what.

And she said that one word.

I blushed, of course. It just didn't seem right being called anything close to pretty, and beautiful went beyond that, especially when it was said by someone who could easily be described as gorgeous.

Alice was the _definition _of beautiful, or gorgeous, or any other word that related to them.

And I told her that before I could think twice about what would be escaping my mouth.

She merely laughed and linked her arm to mine, ignoring my constant pleas to not purchase any clothing for me. It was expected that she wouldn't listen, and soon I didn't care.

Instead, I spent most of my time staring.

* * *

It was Sunday, the day after, when Charlie finally realized that I had lied.

It didn't take much, and he certainly wasn't trying to be nosy. He was just being a good father, and _as_ a good father, he spoke to Angela's mother about the crimes taking place in Port Angeles before asking how my project was going.

Obviously, this confused her.

He wasn't angry when he found out there was never a project to work on, nor a visit. He was just curious and worried, wanting to know where his disabled daughter was heading off to. I struggled with answers, attempting to convince him that it can all be explained later on in the future.

He didn't see the point in waiting, and there was no convincing the head of police when he was this stubborn, so I told him. The Cullens and all.

This was what infuriated him. I never knew Charlie could be so… red.

"That boy is nothing but trouble," he confirmed, raising his voice with every word. "Do you have _any _idea what you're getting yourself into, Bells?"

"Dad, please let me explain-"

"I won't allow you to see him. You're not going to see any of them."

"You can't do that!"

"Yes, I can. You're living in _my _household and will be following _my _rules," he continued. "Do you understand that?"

I shook my head, the tears beginning to blur my vision as I attempted to hide my face. "Why don't you believe me? I'm not seeing him, Dad," I whispered, the words cracking within my weak tone. "I'm not going to."

There was a knock on the door before he could respond and, with a quick glimpse toward my balled up frame cuddled at the edge of the couch, he made his way to answer it.

I heard her voice then, a mention of Charlie's name, and before I knew it, I was taken in a pair of petite arms, Alice's sweet scent attacking my mind.

I tuned out the voices invading my thoughts and merely paid attention to the body currently holding me, my figure rocking back and forth in a repetitive rhythm with hers, and her fingers gently running through my hair and down my arm.

She was a blur to me. They both were, and all I could hear were the quiet murmurs buzzing through my ears. I felt myself relax against Alice's grip, and though her flesh was abnormally hard and cold, I was comfortable.

I was content.

After what seemed like hours, I was pulled away from her hold and into strong, more masculine arms. I was too tired to notice that it was Charlie carrying me, and I spent those few seconds struggling to get away.

I was placed in my bed, Charlie's screams now a distant memory.

As soon as the door closed, Alice crawled through the open window, taking her usual position beside me, and it made me happy to think this was becoming a routine.

We didn't say anything.

And that was day two, where I fell asleep that night in the arms of my guardian.

* * *

I was beginning to hate school, which was stupid, considering I didn't mind it just last Friday. I supposed it was because I would wake up early in the morning, discovering that Alice was nowhere to be seen.

It would usually leave a feeling of dread until I realized she was making my breakfast.

I made it through the day, or at least halfway through before she had to ruin everything with a single question.

"Can you sit with me today, Bella?" she asked once I stepped out of my math class, referring to the lunch.

I stared, taking note that she must have memorized my schedule if I was able to see her after each period. We only had one class together, and it was only because she had it changed very recently.

This morning, in fact.

"Alice." I sighed irritably. "How many times are you going to keep asking?"

"Until you say yes," she chirped.

"That was a rhetorical question."

"And mine wasn't," she added, taking hold of my books as we walked toward the cafeteria. "It's a 'I won't accept no for an answer' question."

"Will you accept a reasonable explanation?"

"Nope." She smiled. "I know what you're going to say."

"But-"

"Bella, I can assure you that he won't say or _do _anything. And even if he does, I'll have Emmett take care of him. He's my brother. I'll shove his head through a row of lockers if I have to."

Despite her achievement in convincing me, I couldn't stop myself from laughing. "Can you really do that?"

She gave me a sly grin. "Would you like a demonstration?"

"Maybe someday, when we aren't surrounded by a bunch of pitiful humans," I joked.

"Right. We wouldn't want such a frail creature to know what we are, would we?" She winked, coming to a halt before the doorway. "Now, what's your decision?"

I rolled my eyes. Like I had any say in this at all.

But before I could respond, I was taken aback by Alice's sudden squealing then, attracting unwanted attention in our direction.

She kissed my cheek before pulling me through the double doors, and I could only assume she's seen my reply in a vision. My heartbeat quickened to an impossible pace; it was as if I was undergoing cardiac arrest.

I was blushing, badly, the burning sensation increasing to a scorching temperature in the exact area Alice's lips brushed across my cheek.

* * *

It snowed on Tuesday.

And Wednesday.

Although it was the usual customs that occurred on Tuesday, with a hug here and there that left me unable to breathe, and it was pretty obvious it had nothing to do with the strength Alice enforced on me with her hugs.

They were merely small snowflakes, and they could easily have been mistaken for as rain. By the next day, though, it was clear that it wasn't just water when I stared out the window to be greeted by never ending white sheets that completely covered the streets.

I was at ease then with Edward's presence at the lunch table. Not a single glance or word was spared the first time, but by Wednesday, we both seemed to grow comfortable as a few words were uttered between the two of us.

It wasn't much, but it did seem to cheer Alice up. Her optimism seemed to radiate off her and to her neighbors.

Mike Newton planned a snowball fight after school, and, according to him, it wouldn't be much fun without me. He must have been mistaken. I was the complete opposite of 'fun.'

As exciting as it sounded, I didn't feel like being surrounded by a bunch of strangers and snowballs. I've grown used to the curious stares that have been directed towards me when I came back to school. I wasn't about to draw attention with my clumsiness.

I had my own snowball fight with Alice, which was completely unexpected. As much as I hated surprises, I enjoyed this moment of ours when I nearly slipped in front of my house and she ended up being my savior.

I couldn't blame her for laughing, but I took advantage of her distraction to throw a snowball at her stomach.

It was aimed toward her face, but hey. Not everyone's a star pitcher, right?

She won, of course, though I did I have a little hope that luck would be by my side. It was utterly stupid of me to think so. She was vampire, and I... well, I was a cripple.

But she participated in a human pace, much to my relief. We were both soaking wet from rolling around in the snow.

I took this opportunity to take a shower.

And taking a shower meant walking around the house with merely a towel covering up my nude body. I knew Alice was still in there. She could run to her house, fix herself to perfection, and run back, all in under three minutes.

I just didn't know she was holding an extra snowball just for me.

Again, I hated being surprised, but with a freezing cold ball of ice running along bare flesh, this was an annoyed kind of surprise, which was so much worse.

I knew there was no use for revenge against a vampire, but, of course, I attempted anyway and ended up being tackled on my bed. Tackled. In only a towel.

Alice didn't seem to notice she was on top of me until I stopped breathing, my heart thundering against her own chest, and a bare leg extending beyond the shield of this towel, exposing the pale flesh of my thigh.

It was probably the best feeling I ever had if she hadn't stood up abruptly and murmured a few incoherent words before sprinting out of my room.

And that was day five, when I began thinking of Alice in ways I shouldn't have.

* * *

Day six.

Day six was, without a doubt, complete and utter torture. And it wasn't going to get any better.

The Cullens had to leave for a 'camping trip,' seeing that it was sunny out and all the snow had dissolved. But I knew better, and had Alice's word to confirm it.

She never did tell me what would happen when her kind was exposed to sunlight, but she promised she would be showing me soon. But for now, she and her family went further north to hunt. Canada, I assumed, and when a hunting trip was that far, they wouldn't be back for two or three days.

The weather would be nice for the rest of the school week, and I knew better than to bet against Alice.

I didn't know it could bother me so much, knowing that all the Cullens would be gone. Part of it had to do with Victoria, though I knew there was nothing to worry about, seeing that Jake and his pack would supposedly be guarding us. Us… as in Charlie and I.

But it mostly had to do with the fact that they were just… gone. They weren't in Forks, and a distance that far was disturbing. I supposed it related to the time they left me. A part of me felt sickened to think they could do it again, even if I only knew the two youngest Cullens.

Hell, I was even missing Edward. True. All he did was stare at me when he thought I wouldn't notice and exchange a few insignificant questions, but I still missed that.

But most of all, I was missing Alice.

Every minute of every hour, she was invading my thoughts. She was just… everywhere. I _couldn't _stop thinking about her.

When I looked at my math textbook, my mind would drift over to the memories of her attempting to tutor me. They were always funny, mostly because we both knew nothing could be taught when we were together.

With my lunch, I would always think of the times she would pretend to eat just so she could blend in.

It would never work.

A quick glance at anything gold would remind me of her honey colored eyes, and even the sight of a pencil would bring back the memory of her scaring Mike Newton off.

It soon grew into an obsession.

By Friday, I was having thoughts of events that haven't even happened. Events that could happen… that I _wanted_ to happen. Fantasies, I supposed.

Every kiss, hug, and touch would turn into something more. Every moment would be altered to fit into my sexual daydreams. Every scene that was meant to be plain friendship would exceed the typical PG-13 rating when I extended the times and removed the interruptions.

And I would blush beyond the usual crimson color whenever I caught myself doing so. It seemed like the snowball incident tended to appear more than once.

I didn't think it could get any worst until the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day and the beginning of the weekend.

How was that possible?

The Cullens should be coming back soon, which meant Alice was as well.

It was an excruciating wait, and even more painful when I had to finish cooking Charlie's dinner before I could go upstairs. Every nerve in my body seemed to jolt whenever Alice's face appeared in my mind, and just the thought of seeing her again caused another one of those heart attack moments.

Only it was the opposite effect, really. Instead of my heart stopping, it would beat like it would be after running a marathon nonstop.

It split in half when I entered my room, my eyes quickly darting from corner to corner for any sign of a creepy shadow. But nothing.

The window was still open, just as I had left it.

With a sigh, I made my way to bed, tucking my body beneath the covers and turning to face the wall. It took every ounce of strength I had to reach my hand out and turn off the light, signaling my body that it was time to sleep.

It was easier said than done.

I waited, glancing at my alarm clock and hoping an hour had passed, when in reality, it had only been five minutes.

I groaned and threw the covers off, turning myself to face the ceiling.

I didn't realize Charlie had gone to bed until I took note of the silence breaking through the walls of my room. The entire house was quiet, which could easily be described as normal, seeing that the only person living here besides me was my father, and he was asleep.

But it was quiet outside as well, the window not serving as a barrier for noise when it was open, and I should have been able to hear cars passing by, or at least some sort of animal.

Nothing.

It was a world without sound.

My breath hitched in my throat when I felt the presence of someone in my room, and, lying still, I was unable to demand my body to move.

There was no reaction when the bed seemed to sink, confirming the idea that I wasn't alone, and this person was currently pressing down on the bed. Shutting my eyes, I took in the feeling of my figure stirring above the movements of the cushion, and soon I was greeted with an icy touch brushing across my arm.

A single, soft gasp escaped my lips within contact, piercing through the dead silence. My breathing grew rough and uneven when I caught sight of the figure sitting before me, and soon it all turned into loud wheezing when the figure shifted its body over mine, straddling my hips with its knees.

"A-Alice?" I stuttered, squinting when the moonlight hit her flawless face. "What-"

"Shh," Alice hushed, placing a finger upon my lips.

She didn't say anything more, but instead, slowly ran her hand up my arm, earning a shiver to erupt down my spine.

She shifted her weight again, rubbing her thighs against my crotch and creating a type of friction that interacted well with the throbbing occurring within my center.

I swallowed the air that seemed to be strangling me, and watched with both fright and curiosity as Alice leaned the upper part of her small frame over me. A louder, more pleasurable gasp broke through when I noticed she had no bra on.

_I _had no bra on.

Nothing could possibly describe the bliss it was to feel Alice's breasts pressed against my own, her nipples hardening within instant constant of my chest.

She brushed her lips across my flushed cheek, trailing them pass my jaw line and coming to a halt at my ear lobe. My hips bucked when Alice ran her cold tongue across my outer shell and, with her hands obtaining a firm grip on my wrists, she spoke, her tone in a soft, begging whisper.

"_Please."_

I refrained from whimpering by sucking on my lower lip, though it didn't stop anything when her mouth was brought to my neck.

Tilting my head up, I granted her greater access when she nibbled upon the soft flesh, her lips sucking the skin that contained my pulse, flicking the spot as the blood pounded through my veins.

Alice pulled away before I could emit a moan, and with a tender kiss on my jaw, she captured my lips.

They moved at a gentle rhythm, my hands slowly making their way up her back before taking hold of her black hair and pulling her closer.

A purr was Alice's reaction, and almost instantly, her movements became more needy and passionate. Violent, I should say, when her hips swayed with the movements of my heating center and she licked my lips as if asking permission to enter.

They parted, and soon I was exploring her mouth, taking pleasure in both her scent and taste.

I aimed for her neck this time, my hold on her hair tightening when she gripped my ass beneath her palms, squeezing lightly. I gave her better access by lifting my upper body from the bed, pressing myself against her as I was greeted by Alice's breasts.

Her shirt was off.

I moaned at the sight of her, her soft, pink nipples tempting me in so many ways. I caught a glimpse of a smirk on Alice's lips, but I never had the chance to delve further before cold fingers were pressed against my stomach, running along my curves just as my t-shirt was lifted over my head.

She grabbed hold of my left breast and pushed me down, sneaking her other hand beneath the rim of my pants. While her fingers pinched and played with my hardened nipple, I was met with her touch outside the thin fabric of my panties.

With another moan, I arched my back against the contact and pressed myself closer to both her breasts and hand.

She began massaging my center, playing with my folds through my panties and feeling the moisture building up.

"Alice," I whimpered, tightly shutting my eyes as I followed the rhythm of her hand and rocked my lips with every thrust.

I trailed my nails up and down Alice's bare back, taking in her smooth, soft flesh. I couldn't contain my cries when my thrusts increased in speed, begging for release.

I slammed my lips with hers again, kissing her fiercely before she pulled me upright, taking my pants with her along the way.

In a flash, we were both completely nude, and I found myself on top with me desperately humping her, searching for the sleek moisture of her folds with my thighs.

A bit more roughly than what was probably intended, her slender fingers pried my hands away from her granite skin, and I was instantly thrown back to the edge of the bed, with Alice standing by my side.

I looked at her just as she turned to face me, that same ambiguous smirk playing her lips. Her eyes, once two sparkling pools of gold, were now as dark as night, taunting me.

They were Edward's eyes.

And that was Edward's face.

"_You're not worth it," _he hissed, fading beneath the moonlight and disappearing within the shadows that consumed us both.

I awoke to the sight of the ceiling before me, the cool air refreshing against the sweat pouring down my face.

My panting blended with the soft splattering of the rain outside and, sitting up, I watched the drops of water trickle down the window sill and waited for my heart to calm down.

Hesitantly, I tucked a hand beneath my panties and ran a finger down my slit.

And as expected, I was wet.

Now knowing it was passed midnight, I slumped against the wall beside my bed and stared ahead, particularly at nothing. I couldn't say it was unusual to have nightmares about Edward. It wasn't. I was used to the things he said to me, because they all held the same meaning. But this... this was different.

_This _was what Alice did to me. These dreams or whatever you call them. _Everything._

My heart raced a mile an hour at her presence.

A single glance at me and the blood would immediately rush to my face.

Any type of physical contact would leave me melting, and all coherent thoughts would fade.

Hell, now I was having sexual fantasies about her!

Let's face it. It never bothered me to know I was crushing on a girl. Lesbian or bi, it honestly didn't matter. She could be the only girl I could ever have feelings for. The point was… I was bound to get hurt, and I couldn't handle the pain. Not again.

But it was more than a simple crush, wasn't it?

I mean… I could never say what I felt for her was mere friendship. People don't have wet dreams of someone when all they felt was friendship.

A crush would be an understatement.

But to say I was falling for Alice wouldn't be… would it?

I brought my knees up to my chest and pondered the idea, silently rocking my body back and forth as the confusion slowly washed in.

"I… I think I am," I whispered to myself, blinking away the unshed tears. "No," I uttered and wiped away the moisture running down my cheeks. "I can't- No."

No_. No. NO!_

And I continued to repeat it to myself, again and again until I could believe my own words. But it was useless, because every moment I thought of her, those same emotions exploded and burst with force.

Lust. Desire. Longing. Trust. Faith. Hope.

_Passion._

And it was on that seventh day that there was no denying.

There _was _no rejection or disagreements or lies or contradictions or coherent thoughts.

I, Isabella Marie Swan, had fallen for Alice Cullen…

…and it hurt.


	10. Chapter 9

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating: **T

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **You guys are awesome. Thanks so much for the reviews!

* * *

"Bells?"

"Huh?"

A pause.

"You look like you got run over by a truck."

"Thanks, Dad."

I couldn't disagree with him, honestly. I mean, I still haven't gotten the chance to take a peek at my monstrous appearance in front of a mirror, but I knew as well as he did that my looks went beyond the normal 'wake up stage.'

I felt like a complete mess, too, which probably explained why I felt the need to sneak to the bathroom without drawing attention from Charlie. It was another one of those nights last night, where my dreams were outside the censored boundary.

No.

They were further outside the adult rating, and it was just pure instinct to think I wasn't as silent as I wanted to be, which humiliated me beyond belief to think my own Dad knew I was having sexual thoughts on a boy. A boy, in his mind. I never gave it much thought on his reaction if he knew all my thoughts and emotions were centered on this one _girl._

"Bells?" he repeated, though his tone didn't hold the same questioning ring to it. It was purely out of hesitation.

I finally got the nerve to lock my gaze with his.

Despite the fact that he remained hidden underneath the cloak of darkness beside his bedroom door, I could still make out his expression. I was pretty much familiar with his personality to know he was keeping his eyes on my face the whole time, and not on my shirt, which was wrinkled and unbuttoned from hours of squirming.

"Yeah?" I managed to utter.

Another moment of hesitation and he said, "Were… were you watching some… well, I'm not saying it's bad to watch those kinds of videos. Everyone gets the temptation when it comes to pornography and-"

"Woah. Hold on there, Dad," I squeaked, eyes widening by the time he mentioned 'porn.' The heat began creeping up my face, soon showing up as a dark blush. "You don't think-I mean I-"

"It's alright, Bells. You're an adult now and it's only normal to satisfy those… needs-"

"Dad. Dad, please stop!" I shouted, hiding my face behind the towel I held in my hands. "It's not like that."

If it were possible, he appeared to be even more puzzled, causing a darker shade of red to brighten my cheeks.

"Well, um…" He stammered, paying close attention to his shoes as he pressed the heels against the floorboard. "If there's a boy you like, Bella, you don't need to-"

"You're going to be late for work, Dad," I interrupted, dragging my gaze to the floor. "And I need to get to school."

He stood there for a moment, taking in my words. I didn't bother waiting for his response. In an instant, I found myself in the bathroom, door shut and ear pressed against the wall. I heard Charlie's distraught sigh and listened to his quiet footsteps heading downstairs.

The front door closed, and the faint roar of the cruiser sounded through the house.

It was fair to say he didn't deserve my isolation from him, but I really wasn't in the mood to have a conversation on sex and dreams and boys. It was embarrassing enough to know he had heard me last night.

But even I had to admit that my current state of emotions had nothing to do with Charlie and his awkward conversations.

School sent my stomach dropping, and the thought of Alice hurled whatever I had left to another long period of depression.

It was even worse today, knowing I had to do something about it before I go insane… if I hadn't already.

Really, it was just another miserable day of my wretched life.

Angela picked me up that morning, as usual. It was becoming a constant routine, and the only difference was that Ben came, too.

I've regretted having her doing me such a huge favor, and the mere fact that Ben came along only made it worse. She deserved to spend time alone with her boyfriend and all I could do was follow her like a sick puppy, like she was the only friend I had left.

It took me long enough to admit that it was true.

I now saw the Cullens as a second family, since their departure left me as a broken mess. I took action the moment I found out they came back and ignored all the warnings my conscious continued to give, accepting Esme's warm embrace, Carlisle's welcoming smile, and everyone else's attempts to make me feel at home.

Everyone, when you didn't include Alice.

… And Rosalie, but that was expected.

She's been avoiding me since the day she and her family came back from their hunting trip, and it all started when she couldn't even say a simple 'hello' when I surprised everyone with visiting on my own.

By then, I didn't take it personally. It was a bit out of character for her to be in an upset mood, but it happens, and I gave her space.

I shrugged it off.

I just didn't know how painful it could be until I realized she was ignoring me.

Not a single glance was directed from her eyes throughout the entire reunion, and by the time I had to leave, it was Edward who had ended up driving me back to my house, in the same truck I had come in, seeing that I was in no condition to drive just yet.

She didn't offer anything. She didn't spare a word or even a hint that she knew of my existence.

She didn't even talk to me about my feelings of having Edward taking me back.

I only accepted so I wouldn't seem rude. If I had known this car ride would be the most uncomfortable moment I ever experienced, I would've thought twice about my choice of a companion.

It was only worse when the behavior increased when we were at school, seeing that we had English and lunch together.

Together, as in were in the same room, sitting at a close distance, and nothing was exchanged between us.

I, of course, offered a weak smile when I thought she was finally able to catch my gaze.

She was actually looking at the teacher, who stood behind me so I'd stop blocking the entrance.

If I hadn't been so disappointed, I would've stuttered with my apology and blushed for gaining the attention of the entire class. If anything, I was embarrassed for thinking she was paying any attention to me. I smiled when she wasn't looking, and I even gained the courage to ask a simple question.

All I obtained was a shrug.

And that wasn't even an answer.

She never appeared at lunch, which gave me two choices: Sit with Angela or sit with Edward.

It was really a no-brainer.

I couldn't possibly imagine myself sitting with Edward. In a table. By ourselves. No Alice. Awkward silence.

Of course, with this image, the most obvious choice would've been Angela. But with one glimpse at the group that also included Mike, Jessica, and Lauren, I made my way towards Edward.

Thirty minutes with him was nowhere near as bad as half an hour of invitations, flirts, and rumors.

He looked up at me before I was able to move from my current position, followed by one of those crooked smiles that appeared to have gotten to me before I lost my memory.

I didn't know what I felt then. Happy that someone was willing to acknowledge my presence? Or happy that I received a smile from Edward Cullen and it wasn't uncomfortable?

Either way, I felt better.

And this was when our friendship began.

* * *

The days passed by, day after day of constant hurting and depression. Constant attempts to steal an answer from Alice to discover what I did wrong. Constant pain whenever I failed.

It was just a constant cycle, and every day, it tore a piece off of my heart.

"Edward," I had stated on that first day. "Where's Alice?"

"She hasn't told me where she went." He shrugged, once again dragging his eyes to the food he never touched. "She's been blocking her mind from me since our hunting trip."

"She's ignoring you, too?" I asked softly.

"_That _isn't exactly uncommon," he replied, smirking. "I'm always willing to give my family some privacy, though I can't control the thoughts that just slip out. They frequently avoid me when they have something to hide."

"But that doesn't explain why she's avoiding me," I pointed out.

He looked up then, his eyes locking with my own, smoldering with emotion. Normally, I would have taken this as an ordinary trait coming from him. But there was something else there, beyond the usual sorrow and regret. It was typical… happiness.

"Alice can be a bit difficult to understand. You'll have to ask her," was his reply.

Simple, really.

I didn't bother telling him I tried, and that I was willing to try again and again until she told me. I didn't mention the fact that she was my best friend, and the thought that she was angry with me was painful.

And obviously the fact that I had feelings for his sister could never leave my lips, and it was undeniably the most agonizing feeling I experienced when she couldn't even speak to me.

I would stare at her when I knew for sure that she wasn't looking, and simply welcome the swelling developing in my chest.

I would lie in bed all night, wishing she was there to hold me.

There were nightmares. Very rarely would there be any actual dreams of her, and when there were, it only added to the pain of knowing I could never have her like that.

That she would never be there when I woke up.

It all soon turned into anger.

Humiliating enough, I had learned a bit more about periods from Angela when I refused to let Charlie even utter the word. I supposed all of that had something to do with the sudden mood swings I was experiencing, which eventually led to this fury overpowering my emotions.

I was much more distant from him than I was with Emmett or even Edward, but that still didn't mean I didn't want Jasper or his ability to soothe the overwhelming sensation. With the times I went to visit the Cullens, he was always gone, with Alice, according to Esme.

And that only infuriated me to no end.

With the cool wind a part of the late April climate, it did nothing to ease the fire blazing within every inch of my flesh. Every organ in my body. Every cell in my blood.

I kept asking myself why she was doing this. _What_ did I do wrong?

I _needed _to know. I wanted _her _to know how much this was hurting. I wanted to hate her for doing this to me. But even I couldn't deny the truth.

I couldn't hate her no matter what.

I could remain angry. Yes. And it would help when it came to knocking the damn answers out of Alice.

But that was pretty much it.

"Will you be okay after this?" I heard Angela ask as we took the first few steps toward the entrance. "Ben and I were going to meet up with Jessica before school starts, and I know things are difficult between you two…"

I wasn't entirely listening, seeing that my attention was fully focused on the silver Volvo sitting on the other end of the parking lot.

"I'll be fine," I said, smiling and giving her a hug. "Thanks so much for everything. You have no idea how much it means to me, Ang."

"You're welcome. Just tell me if you need anything. Okay?"

I nodded and uttered a quick good bye to Ben, watching them as they made their way toward Mike and the rest of the group. I turned on my heel before he had the time to figure out that I had arrived, and made my way toward the double doors.

I wasn't in the mood to turn Mike down politely when it came to asking me out, and I knew I'd regret it later on if he caught me in such a sour mood, which meant I'd have to accept if I was to make it up to him.

The idea sent my stomach hurling.

I've grown used to the atmosphere of Forks High School and the constant staring, which had been limited after my first few days, so luckily I made it to my locker in one piece.

It's been rumored by Charlie that I was going to get my cast off in a few weeks, if and only if I was fully and completely healed. This was obviously relieving.

The medication and psychiatry were going to continue, though, and I couldn't do anything about it until I was _mentally_ healed.

Huh.

I quickly turned to my combination and listened to the quiet 'click' of the lock before opening the door, averting my eyes to my book bag.

I didn't notice the sticky note hanging from the edge of my locker.

It sort of just fell on my head when I wasn't looking, and a freshman ended up pointing it out to me just as the bell rang.

The only thing that could've been worse was if someone glued it to my back and I wouldn't have noticed until the end of the day, after I finally realized everyone was laughing at _me _and not at some rumor spreading around.

I've seen it happen in movies.

I pulled the note out of my hair, quickly reading the few words written in black ink.

_I'm sorry._

_7:30 p.m._

It was cute at first, but this note passing habit was _really_ starting to piss me off. The words were spread across the piece of paper in perfect handwriting, curved in the very neat script, and I could bet a million dollars that it was Alice's.

And I didn't even _have _a million dollars.

Growling quietly to myself, I slammed my locker shut and crumbled the note in my hand, shoving it in a nearby trashcan.

I waited outside for her that night.

I figured the time written was an indication that she wanted to stop by for a visit, and really, the only reason I even considered to participate was for an answer, or anything that could fill in the empty space in my thoughts that continued to badger me, day in and day out.

There wasn't an explanation as to why I was standing outside my house then, with the trees dancing rhythmically along with the wind. I always found this type of weather nice. For once in Forks history, it wasn't raining, and a light breeze took its place instead.

It was nearing twilight, and if I gazed hard enough, I could make out the faint glow in the horizon as the last few rays of sunlight faded within the sky.

I supposed it could've been a reason as to why I couldn't just wait inside my room. The sight was soothing to the fury slowly building up, and I didn't need Charlie suspicious with whether I was having visitors without his permission.

In my room, of all the places.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

There was an infinite number of responses to that statement, all ranging from 'I didn't think you'd show up' to 'not as beautiful as you,' or from 'I hate having to listen to your voice' to a simple 'yes.'

An infinite number of possibilities that would've changed everything that has happened, and if I had chosen right, both of us would've walked out happy like we were before.

I decided to not _say_ anything.

She was looking at me when the comment spilled through her lips, so gentle and elegant; I almost forgot the sound of her voice. I always compared it to that of a famous singer, and her stunning appearance to an angel's, but even an angel could never do her justice.

Now I just wanted to show her how loud _my _voice could be.

"Twilight's always been my favorite time of day, you know," Alice added, her small frame fragile looking when compared to the trees behind her. "It's always so…" She paused. "… peaceful."

I don't know why I found that so funny. Peaceful. Calm. Hah. I was anything but that.

I didn't watch her when she inhaled a breath of unneeded air. I could only hear it, and when she let it out in a sigh. It was a habit she learned from years of pretending to be human. It just stayed with her after that, along with other small habits I had always found to be cute and entertaining.

Like when she fumbled with her fingers when she was nervous, which was completely out of character for her. Or when she tapped her foot against the floor when she was impatient and when she chewed on her lower lip when she was thinking.

She could be completely still for a day if she wanted to, and without growing uncomfortable. It was always interesting to study what vampires did to appear human, Alice as the main experiment.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she continued, her tone dropping to a quiet whisper. "I never meant to hurt you. I would never want that. I just… I just needed to get away for a while, and I'm sorry for how much pain that caused you."

I couldn't refrain from flinching at her apology, seeing that I wanted to maintain the same expression.

A new spark of flames ignited in my core. My hands were instantly clenched into tight fists, and I took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling over and over again until I was able to control my temper.

"You don't have to keep it in," Alice continued calmly. "I know what you're going to say."

That did it.

"You're _sorry_?" I snapped, sending fiery eyes in her direction. "You stated everything you needed to say in a _note, _Alice. The least you could've done was tell me face on, but _no_! You were too busy avoiding me that you couldn't even look at me straight in the face or utter a single word!"

I hated crying. I absolutely despised it. Loathed it. I always appeared to be weak whenever I did, vulnerable and helpless. And if there was anything that I hated more than crying, it was crying when I was furious. The day I didn't shed tears when I was yelling would be the day pigs fly.

I didn't see any flying pigs.

"Do you have _any_ idea how much you hurt me? Do you? I mean, all this time, I thought I had a best friend, Alice. All this time, I thought I could count on you, but you were never there! I thought I could trust you, but you broke that trust when you lied about never leaving!

"So you can stop wasting your time," I seethed, feeling the rush of blood growing hot on my face. "Just stop it. _Stop _pretending like you care about me at all. Maybe then it could lessen the pain."

"Bella," she began sternly, taking a step forward.

"Don't," I demanded, eyes narrowed with newly formed tears.

"How can think that I don't care about you? I always _have._"

"_Then why did you do it?" _I bellowed, furiously tugging at the roots of my hair. "_What _did I do wrong, Alice? _What?_"

A slightly stronger breeze blew through night air, welcoming the silence with a ghostly whistle that echoed through the endless paths of trees and roads. Paths that led to no escape in all directions.

"You didn't do anything," she whispered. "I was never angry with you."

I couldn't take it. It was too much. I just…

I didn't have the strength anymore.

And I was starting to believe I never did.

"Then why?" I murmured quietly, using what little energy I comprised to meet her eyes.

I never thought I'd live to see the day Alice cried. I knew it wasn't possible. It was one of the few vampire facts she shared with me; vampires couldn't cry. They could shed tears, and that was exactly what I saw.

"I…" She closed her eyes then, shutting me away from everything I saw in them, including the tears I wished I could take from her. "I don't think it's best if we see each other as often as we used to."

There was one word that stood out more than the others, and that was _don't. _Not _didn't_, but _don't. _It was the present, not the past, and the present was what led to the future, which was practically all I had left.

That little word meant _everything._

"Please," I uttered. "Please don't tell me this has something to do with your brother."

She eyed me wearily. "Bella-"

"No. Don't _Bella _me," I fumed and took a step closer, a deadly glare soaking up my expression. "All I ever hear about is Edward and Bella! _Me _and Edward. Why don't I ever get a say in what to do with _my _life? Who I get to choose and love?"

"_Because,_" Alice snapped, emphasizing the word in a way that appeared to be out of impatience and anger. "Love is complicated."

I had to admit it. It wasn't the most pleasant sight in the world to watch a girl you once knew as the hyper and happy type snap at you within seconds. It was scary. _I _was scared, easily substituting the anger to something else.

There was no more anger. None.

Just confusion and sorrow and… fear.

What did she mean by that? Surely she hadn't referred to the complications between and Edward and me? She would never do that. She couldn't. I trusted Alice, despite everything I said. And when she told me that I would never be forced to love someone, then I believed her.

And her motive for why I had no choice was because 'love was complicated'? I _had _no choice?

"Alice," I whispered, blinking rapidly. "W-what-?"

"Edward wasn't the main reason I was avoiding you, Bella," Alice continued, looking away and at anything but me. "He thought it was. He thought I was giving the two of you space so things could start over. But really, I didn't want him reading my mind when it came to you."

I didn't move. I couldn't. I was deprived of all senses except for hearing, which was forced to listen to the heartbeat that had lost control.

I was surprised Charlie couldn't hear it.

"On our hunting trip… I had visions. Visions of things that weren't going to happen, but of what you _wanted _to happen… between us."

Her words were scattered within my incoherent thoughts, though I must have understood them if I was willing to suffer through a severe moment of panic that had blocked the idea of breathing altogether.

They were supposed to be thoughts, dreams… things that were meant for my mind alone. Not decisions! I never chose to act upon my desires. I never-

"_Oh God," _I released, snapping my eyes shut as an attempt to conceal the objects rotating around me.

But I could still see them in the darkness, even if they were of random colors and shapes. I could still see them, sending my mind spinning with increasing dizziness. I wanted to vomit.

Not just needed, but I wanted to.

I wanted the churning in my stomach to stop.

"Bella," Alice said, and within an instant, my waist was held by a pair of icy arms. "Bella, listen to me. It's okay. Please calm down. I just… I should have seen this coming earlier."

"And then what?" I mumbled, wrenching away from her grip. "What would you do, then, Alice? Avoid me? Ignore my feelings? It's just like you said. Love is complicated."

"We can figure this out-"

"Why do you keep doing that?" I cried, taking a step back until I was a good two feet away. "Why do you keep referring to my emotions as-as- a _thing_?"

She didn't respond.

"I don't have to have memories to know what kind of person you are," I choked, running a hand through my tangled hair. "Vampire or human, from what I _learned, _Alice," I paused, allowing a tear to slip without any desire to prevent it. "You're all I could ever want, and more than Edward can offer."

I watched silently as she shook her head, dropping her eyes to the ground within seconds of finishing spilling my thoughts out.

My confession.

My soul.

And my heart.

I didn't need her gift to know I was about to lose it all.

"Just tell me, clearly, that you don't feel the same way," I whispered, my eyes fluttering shut when the words were unable to be said. "And I can promise you that it'll be like old times again, and everything from the moment you left will be forgotten."

Alice raised her head up then, the pained look on her face all there was for communication. "My family's already falling apart, Bella."

"That's not an answer."

"I can't leave Jasper," she added, crossing her arms in front of her chest, almost as if to prove her point. "I love him."

"That's not an answer," I repeated, ignoring the familiar sting obliterating the torn pieces of my heart.

A bright glow lit the vast streets as a car passed by, reaching an end by the time it turned a corner, and away from the problems and the pain that consumed my being.

Three houses in the distance, a small boy escaped his house and began chasing after a firefly, all the while screaming in joy when his mother caught up to him. They both went back inside to the comfort of their home, also away from the dread that could have affected anyone within a close range.

And right before me, a pair of insanely beautiful golden eyes blended in with my own, searching for the soul that no longer existed.

"I… I don't," she said, and it took every ounce of my willpower to calm myself from the desperate need to curl up and weep.

"R-right," I managed to mutter. "I just needed to hear you say it."

She took a step forward, and as soon as I realized what she was about to do, I shook my head.

"Don't." I refused to look at her. "Just… go away."

"Bella, you don't –"

"_Please,_" I hissed. "Leave."

She stood there for a little while longer, eyes burning into my skull and I no longer had the strength to meet that gaze. When I knew for sure that she was gone, I didn't go back inside like I had planned to. I didn't cry like I wanted to, nor did I scream like I needed to. I simply stood there with no destination in mind, clawing away at the remnants of my core.

Outside, the world was dark.


	11. Chapter 10

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **Nursery songs remind me of Freddy Kruger (shivers)

* * *

One of my earliest memories was of me at six years old.

It was unusual, because aside from the aching memories of Edward disappearing from my life, I was able to locate a different part of my mind. A part where I didn't think I could remember, even before the cliff diving incident.

It was a clear image, yet vague in most areas, such as the exact location or even the color of my surroundings. The only thing that really stood out was the yellow dress I wore as a little girl.

I was staring out the window as the rain splattered against the glass, my eyes trailing a spider crawling up a corner. It surprised me, despite my current state, how much I remembered of that spider.

I wasn't like the other girls at school. I always found insects fascinating, so I didn't run away when I noticed a sudden movement by my side, nor did I scream when I saw it was a black widow.

It was just like my mom told me; black and marked with a red hourglass shape underneath. I also learned that killing spiders brought bad luck, so as the lips of that little girl moved, the song I had always chanted echoed within the vast emptiness of my mind.

_The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout  
Down came the rain and washed the spider out  
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain  
And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again_

I never touched it. I never even saw it again, or, at least, not the same one.

All I could see was an image of me crying on my mom's shoulder and, judging by the dress I wore and the spot beside the window I sat on previously, it was that same day.

I couldn't remember why I was crying. The lack of knowledge was the reason why this memory wasn't my favorite. I could only assume it had to do with Charlie or even a best friend that was moving away.

There was only one problem with that theory.

I couldn't stop crying until the sun came back up.

Although not my favorite memory, it was inspiring, or whatever word you would want to call it. Even as a small child, I didn't see how it was possible that I could cry so much over something or someone that could either be replaced or seen again.

That is… unless you lost someone you loved dearly and completely and more than life itself.

More than you loved anyone.

Like I did.

The pain was unbelievably small compared to what I felt now, but it was still there.

It was always there.

But it didn't matter, because I chose to pick myself up and continue with my life.

Just like the spider did in the song.

And that was the old Bella; the strong and fierce girl her mom always told her she was.

The old Bella, and all I could ever be was the _new_ one, where cowardly and pathetic fit into my short list of characteristics.

The new Bella.

It didn't take Charlie as long as it should have to notice I was exhausted and drained out of the little energy I possessed. It was difficult to explain, but I felt dry.

It was then that I realized I didn't have any more tears left to cry with.

Like I said, I was dry. Dry and deprived of all sense, feeling, and emotion, which probably explained why I couldn't remember when Charlie chose to take me to my room, or when I received a phone call from Jake.

I didn't answer it, that's for sure.

I couldn't remember anything. Nothing, except for what I didn't _want _to remember.

I found it funny, in fact, and it led to the theory that I was potentially going insane. It was funny because it was ironic. I had absolutely no desire whatsoever to remember and yet, here I was.

I wasn't completely healed and all I was left with were broken memories, shattered pieces of my mind that only appeared in my dreams, or if I was lucky, in my conscious when I wasn't even looking.

I knew I was going crazy if I thought that was amusing.

I mean, how could someone, besides a psychiatrist, possibly explain why I was giggling at the time, rolling on my bed in hysterics? How could you describe this pain, while providing a reasonable explanation as to why I doubled over, clutching onto my sides?

You couldn't. That was it.

I was just there, laughing and attempting to contain both the physical and emotional pain.

I couldn't breathe through the fit of giggles and roars of laughter, and soon it all died down slowly within the silence occupying my presence.

I crouched against the wall in the far corner of my bed and listened to Charlie's quiet footsteps, attempting to hold the pieces of my heart together with a loose grip on my chest that acted as a bond; a rope to pull them back into place.

Another chuckle.

Another giggle.

And I was crying again.

They were unspoken tears, seeing that I _had _no voice to sob with after my few moments of insanity. They just fell limply down my cheeks, leaving a trail of liquid that, when licking my lips, tasted like salt water.

Just that action alone reminded me of Edward and the Cullen's departure, which instantly fired back at me when I became aware of why I was crying in the first place.

Alice.

Bolting from my bed, I crouched against the floor and doubled over, quickly scrambling to my feet and making my way to the bathroom. I paid no attention to my surroundings, which would explain why, along with my clumsiness, I didn't open the door all the way and tripped over the edge.

My body fell in a lifeless motion and, as if every inch of flesh was nailed to the ground, I struggled with dragging it across the bathroom floor before finally reaching my destination.

The toilet waited with a pulled up seat, and the moment I was able to make contact, I threw up whatever was left in my stomach, pleasing the soreness that clenched within my core.

With the tears mixing in with the leftovers of my food, I continued to vomit. Again and again until my stomach was nothing but a black hole, just like the rest of me.

Cold shivers raked beneath my skin like a thousand needles, and I found my voice again. I couldn't hear them through the silence of this world I was enduring, but I could make out the movement of my lips with each sob.

I had nothing. I _was _nothing, and the only person I was willing to give what I could refused everything I was.

She didn't want me.

And I couldn't blame her.

I wanted to stop it. Not just the pain, but everything I felt. I didn't want to feel my chest explode when I heard her voice or my stomach flutter whenever her skin lingered on mine. I didn't want _this._

What I _wanted _was to not love.

What I _needed _was to go on.

But that only proved to be much more difficult than I had imagined. Everything that had anything to do with Alice replayed in my mind like a television screen flipping through a thousand channels, and the most common feature playing was how Bella got her heart broken.

It was absolutely pathetic, yet the emotions surged.

Sitting against the toilet in the exact position as before, I stared at the bare corner of the bathroom across from me, and I was greeted by a chilly draft that tingled against my skin.

Or maybe it was just cold.

It was like that without her presence. Even if the flesh of a vampire was hard and cold, I never shivered with Alice. A deep blush was efficient to keep me warm inside when she was around, but it was so much more when it came to her smile, her laugh, her eyes… It would light a scorching flame within my veins.

I wasn't sure how long I stayed in that position, with me staring at nothing but sole darkness. I was asleep before I knew it, sprawled across the bathroom floor in a way that I could feel protected from everything around me.

I had nightmares, of course. They were mostly altered versions of events that could have gone worse.

They almost made me appreciate reality.

It was still dark outside when I woke up, and it took longer than necessary to notice I was on my bed again. With the clock reading two fourteen, I sat up.

And I waited.

The bitter silence struck me as unusual, even if I thoroughly enjoyed the sound of raindrops on my windowsill.

I could only assume the faint drip drops seemed calming to me, adding to the feeling of dread that appeared to have devoured my being. It wasn't as if I enjoyed this sensation, because the desire for it was just as distant as I was from actuality.

It was just the only emotion I could actually _feel._ Everything else was just… numb.

And quiet.

Everything was quiet.

Even the constant creaking coming from the roof seemed to be muffled by my muted surroundings.

And it was like that during my journey to the kitchen, where I subconsciously looked through every cabinet for nothing in particular until I found a note Charlie had left me.

And that was in the literal sense in a way. He was called for an emergency in the sheriff's department, a threat to the good town of Forks that he couldn't refuse, no matter the condition his only daughter was in.

No matter the hopelessness or unwillingness to live.

No matter how fucked up she was.

He left me.

I was alone.

It was the shattering of glass that sliced through the silence in an ear piercing echo.

Or, at least, it was the sound that snapped me out of this painful reverie. The crash itself couldn't compare to the anguished scream bursting through this stranger's lips, nor could the intensity rival the sobs ripping and tearing apart her chest.

That stranger was me.

It didn't ache as much when my knees were pulled toward me as a comfort zone for my tearstained face. But it was a burning sensation that helped soothe the flames, substituting the sorrow with something that could easily be handled.

I was completely and utterly infuriated.

Another plate smashed against the wall in a thunderous crack, shattering the glass into the pieces of my life that would never be picked up. Followed by another, and another, drowning the pitiful sounds of my emotions with a more comfortable atmosphere.

How could he do this to me? How could my own _father _leave me in this stage? In this fucked up life?

All I ever wanted was to have a normal life. A normal future. After all the events from my past, what I needed was to forget, and this gift was given to me. I received the opportunity to walk in a straight path. To put aside the painful memories and replace them with new ones.

The perfect opportunity.

And it was taken from me before I could even make a grab for it, when my past reappeared to bite off whatever soul I had left.

It came back, and the only thing worth gaining… I lost.

I lost her. I lost Alice.

And I was blaming it all on Charlie.

No one could deny the rage pulsing through my veins, but it was easy to question what had triggered it.

I despised everything I was made of. My hair, my eyes, my nose, my body, my personality, my thoughts, my _everything_… all leading to my inability to be loved.

Yet, my anger was tilted to the one person who gave me life, all the while obliterating what little there was.

I repeated it to myself… that I was the one to blame. That I didn't deserve someone as beautiful and funny and smart and charming as Alice.

But really, I was attempting to avoid the selfish side I always kept hidden. It was reality, and with reality, I didn't deserve someone who couldn't love me back. I didn't care about her reasons and why she couldn't feel the same way. I just wanted her to feel it, so we could both be happy, and this pain could just leave.

I was selfish.

I wanted so many things, each wish contradicting the other. I wanted to remember, but forget. To love, but hate. I wanted to scream that I loved her and see how it goes, but the more dominant part decided it would be best to just sit there and sink into my sorrows.

It was all just a scattered mess of thoughts.

And the more I actually thought about it, the more one idea would come into mind. It disgusted me, but it was the only option that made sense.

I just wished it didn't bring me to tears.

It was simply inevitable the way this was happening, and absolutely pitiful when it came to my vow I made just a month ago. It just took me long enough to realize I broke it the moment I decided to be a part of the Cullens.

But it had to stay that way. I needed to move on.

Just like I promised I would.

It took everything in my power to stay within the boundaries of the numerous trees occupying familiar property. I couldn't change my mind at that point, no matter how desperate I was to scurry back to the safety of my room, where I could cry alone without judgment. But if there was one piece of information that I learned from my experiences, it was how difficult it is to drive in the rain; especially with a cast on.

So I remained absolutely still, silently grazing my lifeless eyes over the contours of the Cullen household.

I was certain that they had at least heard the engine of my beat up truck, so they must've been aware of my presence as if I were some creepy stalker waiting outside a house full of deadly vampires.

And I was.

Hell, they could probably hear the uneven, pants of my breathing, or even the explosion of my frantic heartbeat.

An explanation as to why Emmett hadn't already tugged the door off the truck and carried me inside was up to them. I merely took the uninterrupted silence with gratitude as a way to thoroughly reconsider my decision.

Sighing, and even a human could notice the trembling beside my habits, I walked into the drooling rain and slammed the door behind me, all the while eyeing the front door with hesitation.

It was time.

I was greeted by Emmett's grinning face before I could decide whether to knock or walk right in, seeing that I was considered to be the eighth Cullen in the family.

This was proven when Emmett took me into another one of his bear hugs and dropped me instead of gently placing me back onto the floor.

"Haven't seen you around lately, sis. What cave have you been hiding in?" He laughed, causing me to cringe as it echoed against the vast walls with a loud boom.

How long have I been in solitary confinement?

"Ha ha," I muttered dully, completely forgetting about my lack of enthusiasm. "Very funny, Emmett."

I caught a brief glimpse of Esme's slender form from across the room, and I was instantly crushed into another pair of familiar arms. Emmett's 'I was only kidding' was muffled by the shoulder of my second mother.

She pulled away after a while, and I wanted nothing more than to cry right then and there for the love radiating off of her. But I held it in and saved it for later, even if my voice cracked when I was able to answer a question that just barely made it to my ears.

"I'm okay," I whispered softly, meeting her eyes for a brief second before looking away. They were beginning to tear up. "Really, Esme."

The sympathy on her expression wasn't much of a help. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve this family.

"What are you doing here so late, Bella?" Esme asked, leading me to the living room where Carlisle and Rosalie were. I smiled at Carlisle, though I didn't dare glance at Rose. "I'm sorry for allowing you to stay outside. Alice told us you hadn't made a decision yet, so we thought it would be best to give you space."

A sob broke through my lips at the mere mention of that name, and just that mistake alone ruined everything I worked so hard to achieve. Within seconds, the wall that held me up fell apart.

"Bella, dear. What's wrong?"

"Has something happened to Charlie?"

"You have to check on her, Carlisle."

"Are you hurt?"

I fought the urge to nod at the last phrase I was able to make out, because the truth was… I _was _hurt. But it was nothing Carlisle could heal. I, instead, shook my head and pulled away from this absurd reunion.

"I said I'm fine," I said, unaware of how rude my answer turned out to be. "Charlie's working, and I'm…"

Pausing, I glanced around the room and came to a halt on a figure in the far corner. It was then that I realized that _all _the Cullens were now occupying the living room, and here I was, the pitiful human, within the presence of a family of vampires and all I could do was tremble beneath my weight.

"I need to talk to Edward," I finished, finally able to answer the question I wasn't able to place my mind upon.

I never quite understood the meaning behind the word 'uncomfortable' until then, because I never experienced a moment where this entire family was silent, and not even Emmett had something to say.

I was the one to blame for that, because all I have ever done was push the youngest Cullen away, unable to seek the will to forgive. And then I arrive in the middle of the night, practically in hysterics, and ask to speak to the one man I thought I would hate forever.

Not even our very first reunion could compete with this.

I attempted to ignore the smug grin evidently plastered on Esme's expression from the corner of my eye, but it didn't help much – or at all, really – when I was able to catch everyone silently communicating with his or her beloved.

And that included Alice.

I crossed my arms in front of my aching chest, eyeing her with the same enthusiasm I had given Emmett.

_That _was an understatement.

I had about as much enthusiasm as a block of wood did, and I was positive it was much, much worse.

She was sitting beside Jasper in a comfortable position; nothing beyond a nice G rating, though it was still painful. Her eyes slowly darted across his face, as if exchanging a few unspoken words. She soon met my gaze, and it would have instantly taken a heartbeat to break down right then and there if I hadn't noticed Edward was right beside me.

Whether it was my mind that had been tampered with or the tears that had blurred my vision, I was able to gaze into the eyes of a different Alice. One that I wasn't fully familiar with, yet the closest to this appearance that I've seen was just a few hours ago, when she spoke the truth.

I saw more in her eyes than one sees in a lifetime.

I couldn't distinguish the emotion left behind. I could only see how torn apart she seemed. Broken and anguished. I couldn't tell whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. If it was good that I wasn't the only one to suffer, or if it was bad that the Alice that I once knew seemed to fade away in my eyes.

I looked at Edward, then back at Alice, where a single, barely noticeable nod was all it took to know that she was aware of what I was about to do, and it was that little movement that told me everything.

She was accepting it.

Biting my lower lip to refrain from whimpering without my consent, I shut my eyes briefly, allowing the darkness to overcome my vision. By the time I had the will to open them, I was leading the way upstairs, with Edward right behind me.

I always knew where his room was located, seeing that I recognized the house by heart when every little thing didn't go unnoticed by me.

I've just never been inside.

So there really was no other explanation as to why I found it to be so familiar, with me positioning the furniture in my mind without setting foot into the room, and when I did, it was just as how I imagined it.

It was an odd feeling, one of recognition, and it was difficult to not be overwhelmed by the sudden sensation. I could only assume they were frozen memories trapped within the locked door of my mind.

And this could only mean that I've been here more than once.

The thought caught me off guard.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Edward asked, interrupting my reverie after having noticed my hesitation and anxiety.

"I'm fine," I answered quickly. Maybe a bit _too _quickly, but I pushed the error away by focusing on his massive music collection.

"You already said that," he continued, observing me closely when I refused to look him in the eye. "And you don't appear happy."

"I never said I was," I snapped, vacillating with my thoughts before taking a seat on his couch. "You shouldn't be making judgments."

"And you shouldn't be rude when I was merely wondering if you were all right," he pushed, pressing his firm lips into a frown. "I may not be able to read your mind, Bella, but I can tell when you're upset."

"Oh, so did you and Jasper switch abilities now?" I scowled, allowing the room to burst with my sarcasm. "All of a sudden, you can read me like an open book?"

His jaw clenched, eyes narrowed at the exact position I was sitting on. "You know that wasn't what I was referring to. Believe it or not, your mind is a code that can't be deciphered. It remains a mystery to me."

"Then what _were _you trying to infer?" I glared, though I'm certain my attempts to look menacing appeared to look like that of an angry puppy.

But to be honest, even I couldn't detect why I was furious. Something in me just… snapped, and if I were to make any assumptions, this had nothing to do with what Edward said.

Or Edward himself, really.

"I've known you long enough to be able to read your mood and facial expression," he told me. "Like right now. It doesn't take a genius to know you're angry. A reason as to why is a different matter. I don't think anyone could have such a talent to explain why but yourself."

I frowned, but refrained from saying anything else.

"None of my family members seem to have a clue with what's going on. Alice continues to conceal her thoughts," I stopped breathing at the mention of her name. Edward appeared to take no notice. "And you…" He locked eyes with my own, and this time I _couldn't _breathe because they held the same appearance as of that of a different Cullen. "You've been crying, Bella."

Even I couldn't deny that.

"I can leave if you want," he continued. "I'll give you time if you need it, unless you never want to speak to me again."

If I hadn't known better, I could've sworn there was a hint of regret in the tone of Edward's voice. Sighing, I tilted my head slightly, enough to meet his gaze.

"No. You're right," I muttered softly. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't apologize."

"Please don't say 'please'," I added, a weak laugh escaping my lips, but it stopped almost as abruptly as it came. "I've been wondering…"

He didn't say anything for a moment, which simply added to the already awkward atmosphere of it all. The seconds ticked by, and only a fool would claim I wasn't frightened by the suddenness of Edward's voice.

"I don't know what you're thinking," he declared.

I couldn't refrain from smiling, though it was only brief before disappearing from my lips, taking the shape of a frown. "I was wondering if… before, when we were still together… did we ever – I mean, have we ever done… it?"

I sounded like a child asking an adult where babies come from, which pretty much summed up how vague this question was. And immature. And basically stupid. But it seemed important to me, no matter how humiliating.

Besides, Edward seemed to have understood.

"Have you completely lost your mind, Bella?" His response calmed me, assuming it was a longer version of a simple 'no.' "How could you think that? How could possibly think I would take advantage of you? Of your virtue? Nothing in the world can explain how much I love you, and yet, you think of me as a monster worse than what I already am. I could never hurt you, Bella, and you don't have the faintest idea how much I regret-"

"I forgive you."

I would always remember these words.

Always.

Though insignificant to anyone unaware of the situation, these words meant everything to me. They were a start of something new, picked up and restored from the old. They were words that came from the heart. Words that were true.

I meant them.

The past was the past, and I just accomplished what I thought to be the impossible.

I moved on, just like I told her I would.

I had fallen in love with Edward before, so what would be different this time? The heart is the most complex ingredient to the human body. People come and go. Take it and break it. But it would heal. It just took time, and time healed all wounds.

If only I believed it myself, maybe the hope would have lasted.

I cried that night in Edward's arms, unable to care about what was around me, or even the six other vampires that listened to the quiet sobs that echoed through the night.

The tears weren't just spilled for Edward or even Alice. I was crying for myself. For the error of my actions, and for the different ways my heart reacted to both of them.

Throughout the night, I kept wishing I was lying in the arms of someone else, someone that could make my heart sing instead of weep over what the future held. But I kept telling myself that the feeling would soon end, and I would be happy again.

But there was no convincing.

There was no such thing as hope.


	12. Chapter 11

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **:)

* * *

"Bella, love."

Edward's velvet voice seemed to have sunk beneath what little attention I was able to obtain from my surroundings, considering the fact that not even a meteor could possibly snap me out of this trance. I supposed it was the typical vampire tone that I found appealing, or even attractive.

It made sense, really. One of the very few things that I learned of a vampire's existence was of their appearance, and how this gift was given to them as a way to capture their prey.

I was most likely the only human alive to find this detail fascinating, or at least out of the few that even knew of their existence.

Honestly, I had no idea Edward left in the first place until his interruption. My mind was practically stranded in this imagination land I made up within crowded thoughts. It was the place I could visit that actually had happiness involved, a sensation I lost within my memories.

It was only practical that I gave it a name.

I called it Bella's Hella.

Only a few thoughts were cheerful in my imagination. The rest merely collided with the amount of depression and sorrow occupying what was both mental and physical, so what could be better than calling my own personal heaven 'Hell?'

This time, I was practically heaved from my reveries as a more masculine frame took its place beside my own, causing me to groan from the movement.

I was suffering from 'bitchy attitude for lack of sleep.'

I would've sworn that was an actual sickness if I hadn't been partially awake.

"You need sleep, Bella," Edward announced, stretching a hand out to tuck a portion of my blanket beneath my exposed leg. "You've been awake all night."

"Not true," I whimpered, and even _I _could see through this terrible lie. Sighing, I asked, "What time is it?"

"Eight forty one. Too late to go to school," he told me, causing me to shoot up from the couch. "Again. You haven't slept all night."

Of course I couldn't sleep. How could I when I spent a majority of those hours crying on a vampire's shoulder? It made me snicker, though, when I noticed Edward's change of clothes.

I would've apologized if I hadn't already done so about twenty million times.

And each apology included a demand to stop.

The thought brought me back to the horrors of what some people may call my life, and I instantly attempted to block it all out by focusing on the present.

I should've known there would always be consequences with my actions.

"Who was that on the phone?" I asked, purely out of intense curiosity. I just remembered hearing a phone ring while lying on Edward's couch, and it struck me as odd when the Cullens rarely ever received phone calls. "I thought I heard you call someone a mutt?"

I assumed this had something to do with Jake.

And, seeing Edward's grim expression, I was almost positive I was correct.

"It's nothing, Bella," he confirmed, placing a bitter, cold hand upon my forehead, as if checking to see if I were ill. I shivered. "You need your rest. I think you're getting a fever."

"Stop it!" I snapped, clawing my way out of the blanket and further from Edward's reach. "Stop saying I need sleep, because believe it or not, I spend most of my nights crying, Edward. This isn't the first time I suffered through the lack of it."

A pained gleam seemed to radiate within his eyes, showering his flawless face with a paler skin tone when compared to his darkened pupils.

"And it's a bit obvious that I would be warmer than you," I continued. "Now, what is this about Jake?"

He didn't seem to expect my last question. It was times like these when I was proud to be immune to his creepy mindreading powers.

I enjoyed surprising people, even if I despised them myself.

A bit of a hypocrite, huh?

Sighing a breath of unneeded air, I watched silently as he ran a hand through his sleek hair. He refused to respond for a few moments, which irritated me to no end.

"Charlie's worried. You didn't answer his calls, so he decided to ask the wolf to check up on you," Edward began smoothly. It was almost as if he was struggling with the information. "Clearly, you weren't there. His phone call was merely a threat to be assured of your safety, or he'll make it certain that Charlie is involved."

The second portion of his answer seemed off to me.

I knew Jake. I knew him well, and his temper was probably one of his most distinguishing characteristics, behind his personality. He wouldn't just find me missing and make sure I was safe.

He would piss Edward off first.

That was another trait on his 'About Me' section; he despised vampires. His detest for Edward outstretched the borderline of absolute hatred by a mile.

"You're lying," I told him. "There's more you aren't telling me."

It wasn't a question.

His eyes lingered on my face for what appeared to be hours on end, trapping me in a gaze I couldn't escape from. Even when I was familiar with a vampire's capability to sit still for a lengthy time, it scared me at times when I saw how true that statement was.

I sighed. "Edward-"

"I can never live with myself if you're hurt," he interrupted, voice pooling with a large amount of concern.

"Jake would never hurt me," I pointed out, and I scolded myself for getting so emotional.

Why were my eyes tearing up when I was defending my best friend?

Oh, right. I cried over everything.

"I'm not talking about the – him," he replied, correcting his insult at the last minute. "You just shouldn't be concerned with this."

"I'm a big girl, Edward," I seethed. "I think I can take care of myself."

He appeared to have found my response humorous, because the next thing I knew, the room filled with the light sound of his laughter. It was an odd chuckle, mixed between amusement and a hint of disturbance.

"What's so funny?"

He wasn't affected in the least with my ominous behavior, so I simply surrendered. There was no point in letting the anger flow anymore. Anger and time was what caused me to think, and I would rather focus on the unavoidable thoughts consisting of the physical pain.

It hurt less, and when knots within my chest unraveled, I could breathe again.

"Bella," he whispered, most likely having noticed my sullen mood.

He was used to it, and he did his best to comfort me for all the wrong reasons. I only let him do it because it would be easier on both of us. For the whole family.

"You can't compete with a vampire," he finished in an even softer whisper.

It was nothing less than the truth. Not only was I weak, but also _human, _and to think someone like me could even stand a chance against a dangerous predator would be absurd.

The fact should have irritated me nonetheless.

But I was already occupied by the evidence lurking in Edward's words.

"It's Victoria, isn't it?" I pondered, releasing a shudder.

I shouldn't have done so, however, when he refused to respond after noticing my 'fear', and, really, it just seemed stupid to think a shiver or a tremble was a sign of fright.

I wasn't afraid. If anything, I honestly couldn't care less if I was eventually found and tortured, and done so by the methods Jake had described. It was better than living a life I couldn't bear to go through for a few decades.

I just wasn't going to endure another attempt at throwing it all away.

It would be awful to go the easy way out and just escape the consequences of life.

I learned that the hard way.

"The wolf found tracks of her scent surrounding the area of your house, and another one unrecognizable. He was able to trace Victoria's back into your room," Edward informed me.

I couldn't lie.

When danger was imminent, _then _I was scared.

"You mean… she was able to sneak by?" I muttered quietly. "She went inside my room unseen?"

I didn't ignore the tightening of his jaw.

"Edward – we can't – what about Charlie? She's going to kill him!" I gasped. "I… I would be dead by now if I hadn't come over."

"Bella," Edward uttered sternly, grabbing hold of my hand. "Don't say that. I can't bear the thought."

"It's true!" I cried, tearing away from his firm grip as an approach to avoid a few tears. "We can't leave him, Edward. I'm not leaving Charlie."

"We won't, love. We'll keep a close eye on him," he promised. "But you're more than welcome to stay here, you know. I'll protect you, and so will my family. We'll keep you safe."

Nothing, and I mean _nothing _could be more terrifying than the thought of living with the Cullens. I enjoyed their company. I even cherished the presence of the family I loved, though living with them was beyond my range of thoughts.

It wasn't the idea of settling in with a group of vampires that depressed me, but the memories that it all held.

And, of course, I could deal with less pain. I may have been resistant to Edward's mindreading, but I wasn't as lucky with Jasper.

I sometimes caught him staring from the corner of my eye, and I would always hope it was just a figment of my imagination, or even a sign of anxiety that was triggered by the first steps to the road to insanity.

I continued to question my mind when there were things I could never tell my psychiatrist.

"I can't do that to Charlie," I whispered to him, shaking my head. "You can watch over me in my house, can't you? Alice did it all the time –"

I would've thought that, after an entire night filled with regret, I should've been able to utter her name without being overwhelmed by the sensation of falling, or the tears blurring my vision. I was even stupid enough to think that a single night of rejection would've filled the hole in my chest and I could take a step forward.

I couldn't explain how I wrong I was.

I was too numb to feel the cold fingers that brushed away the newly formed tears, and when I did, the only person that came to mind was Alice. Of course, deep within my thoughts, I knew it was Edward. I knew it was him, thinking that these tears were shedding at his fault.

"That was what I planned to do when you rejected the first idea." He didn't bother saying _if_ I rejected the idea. He knew me well, then. "I'll be helping with tracking down Victoria, so I can't be there for you every night, Bella." He paused, as if waiting for me to argue. When I didn't respond, he said, "We'll be switching shifts."

I didn't think about what 'switching' meant at the time. Edward was nice company, but too much of him would have me wishing he was Mike instead. I was practically ecstatic at the thought of not having Edward around 24/7.

"Esme already has breakfast for you ready," he continued. "If you won't sleep, then at least do me the favor of eating? Please?"

"Give me a human moment first?" I asked, and he smiled, as if there were some inside joke to my question.

"Of course," he replied, standing up. "Take your time. I'll meet you downstairs in a minute. I need to have a talk with my sister."

His statement caught me off guard. "You mean Rosalie? Or… or…"

"Alice," he finished for me, paying no attention to my indecision. "I'm wondering why she hasn't had a vision of Victoria yet. It seems rather suspicious that she's been able to escape without Alice seeing." He paused for a moment, pondering the thought. "Perhaps it could just be Alice, though. She hasn't been herself lately, and that may be interfering with her visions."

I didn't have time to listen to the rest of Edward's theories. I was up on my feet and running to the bathroom before I even knew what was happening.

Once inside, I threw up.

"Bella, dear. Are you alright? I'm not going to force you to eat if you're going to throw it back up." Esme welcomed me once I entered the kitchen.

I knew she was just being playful, but in a way, I had a feeling she was also trying to distract me. I was positive everyone had heard what became of me that night and, knowing Esme, she was merely being the mother she was by pretending to be happy.

I could tell by the way she looked at me pitifully.

In return, I pretended to laugh. "It's not the first time my stomach was sick, Esme. I'm starving. I think I can handle it."

And it was true… at least the final part. Food had nothing to do with the constant stomach illnesses, and I was about to pass out from hunger.

Her expression appeared to have faltered. "Are you sure you aren't ill? When was the last time you had something to eat?"

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

I shrugged. "Two days ago? Maybe three?"

I wasn't Carlisle, or a doctor for that matter, but it didn't make any sense that I could vomit when there wasn't anything _to _throw up. Maybe I had the stomach flu? And I was heaving what I had to drink?

It was a stupid topic to ponder over, but I must've been in deep thought if I was able to leap at the contact of a pair of arms snaking around my waist.

"Good lord, child! Forget what I said earlier. You are not leaving this kitchen until you eat _all _the food I give you. Do you understand that?" Esme demanded, loosening her grip on her breathtaking hug – literally – and grabbing a few plates to serve what appeared to be blueberry pancakes and about a dozen other things.

"I sent Emmett out to get some eggs an hour ago. I don't even want to know where that boy has run off to," she continued, and passed me an overfilled plate.

I stared at it with mouthwatering fascination.

"Eat," she pointed, and I thanked her repeatedly before diving in.

It was almost ten by the time I was able to eat what I could handle, much to Esme's disappointment. We had spent that half an hour talking about what I was going to do with my life after high school, and the conversation didn't get too far. I changed it before I obtained the opportunity to tell her I had no plans.

I haven't applied for any colleges, nonetheless thought about it. I've been so worked up with what was important now than what was left with my future. The more spontaneous part of my mind even considered taking part in the Cullen lifestyle.

There was just one thing wrong with that plan.

How _do _you become a vampire?

A door slammed in the living room before I could even dwell upon my theories – which were absolutely extreme, mind you – and soon, Emmett made his entrance.

He grinned at me from the doorway, a bag in hand, though that was all he could do before Esme interrupted his greeting.

"Where have you been, Emmett? I gave you a simple task to go to the market and buy some eggs, and that takes you two hours?"

He shrugged, dumping the contents of the bag on top of the counter. "That was before I knew how much food it takes to feed a human. Bella's too cool for that. Just feed her an apple and she's fine. I mean, really, Esme? Have you seen what kind of things they have there?"

"Did you at least get the eggs?" she asked, obviously uninterested in her son's excuses.

I didn't bother warning Esme that he had bought Easter eggs instead of the real ones. You know? The ones that you can actually eat? I would've happily eaten plastic if it meant not being present at the time of her fury.

Their voices hazed in and out of my mind, however, so I was quite pleased with myself when I was able to sneak out of the kitchen unseen.

It was a major accomplishment when it came to vampires.

Rosalie sat on the couch when I went to the living room. Her eyes were transfixed to the television screen, and just by the program she was supposedly 'watching,' I knew she wasn't as distracted as she appeared to be.

It was the Discovery Channel.

I looked away as soon as I felt the fear. It was a feeling that came as a warning that I was about to receive a glare.

Looks _can _kill.

So I obeyed the warning with gratitude and walked on, hesitating with whether to say hello or not. It would be nice to get on Rose's good side, even if she hated me.

"They're talking about you, you know," she said, causing me to jump a mile in the air. "In Alice's room. Thought you might want to be in on the secret."

Her tone of voice was more ambiguous than it could ever get, so it was nearly impossible to tell whether it was an attempt to be nice or if it was some kind of joke.

I didn't meet her gaze when I looked, since she was, once again, glaring at the t.v. I climbed the stairs in silence.

The word 'surprised' would've been an understatement to describe my current state. Shocked would've been a nicer term to use in regards to Rosalie noticing my existence.

Curiosity overruled everything else.

I pushed the Rosalie thoughts aside and pondered her words instead, which were beginning to nag at me continuously. It wasn't unusual at all that I would be the main subject of a conversation.

It was actually quite common, to say the least, when I've caught nearly every one of the Cullens mentioning my name in secrecy. Them being vampires helped tremendously when it came to dropping the discussion after realizing I was eavesdropping.

I wasn't exactly the quietest human on Earth.

But this was a conversation taking place between Edward and Alice, in Alice's room, which was ten feet away from where I stood then. And it pained me beyond words to merely look at the room that I once stayed in back in the good old days, when I would've taken friendship over what this was now.

Maybe if I had known, I would've tried harder to stop what I felt. Maybe then, everything could be different.

I didn't expect to stand by the door unnoticed and listen, though the thought of tripping over my feet and knocking over a vase never really crossed my mind.

Cursing mentally to myself, I surrendered and knocked twice against the door, watching as it creaked slightly from the weight of my knuckles. My heartbeat quickened as it did so, and, pushing with extra strength, I was able to distinguish the two figures inside.

Neither of them appeared to have been aware of my presence, or most likely refused to acknowledge it. I was thankful for it. I probably would've fallen in the process if I had caught Alice's gaze.

I kept my eyes on Edward the entire time.

Eventually, the whispers came to a halt, and so did my moment of disregard.

I tried to soothe the discomfort from the two pairs of eyes staring back at me by speaking. "Rose sent me up here. I didn't mean to intrude… I just thought this had something to do with me."

A small grin danced across Edward's lips, though it was barely noticeable compared to the irritation washing over his features. He turned to Alice, which caused me to look as well.

"How long?" He asked her.

"Fifteen minutes at the most. I'm only able to tell by our own futures," she replied. "They're unreliable when I can't see them."

Not only did these short, cryptic remarks ignite the spark of curiosity flickering within my veins, but just the sound of her voice heated my blood to a temperature higher than what was considered normal.

I was blushing.

Edward growled. "That's not enough time!"

"It will merely cause more conflict if we take her away. What do you not understand in that thickheaded skull of yours? They have just as much right to protect her as we do, Edward. Possibly more," Alice said in a tone that could intimidate just about anyone.

I blinked.

"Then tell me this one more time. Will you be able to watch her if she was sent to La Push?" Edward demanded, pacing around the room in an inhuman speed.

He stopped only to stare at her for a moment, eyeing her in a way that made it clear that they were communicating with each other mentally.

"I thought so," he muttered. "We need Jasper here to calm things down. Take her to the hotel just outside of Port Angeles. We'll figure it out from there."

And in an instant, Edward stood before me, locking eyes with my own as he ran a hand gently across my cheek.

Brushing his lips against my forehead, he whispered, "I love you," before taking one last glimpse toward Alice and rushing out the door.

I was too numb to move.

And it was like that for a while, with my body frozen in place and feet nailed to the ground. The only parts that were filled with life were my eyes, and they were being used to watch a petite figure zigzag from one end of the room to another.

It wasn't until she stopped in front of her ridiculously massive closet that I had an idea of what she was doing.

"What are you doing?" What a stupid question.

But it literally took all the courage I could muster up to utter a single word.

"Packing some of the clothes you left here," she replied in an indistinct tone. "I'm not certain of how long we'll be staying there. My visions keep changing."

Her response shook me out my zombie-like state.

"Why are you taking me to a hotel?" I asked in panic. "What did Edward mean by not enough time?"

"There's no time for explanations, Bella."

"You know what, Alice? You can screw with my heart all you want. It's already fucked up as it is. But if this endangers Charlie, then I have every right to know what the hell is going on," I seethed, unpacking what little clothing there was to pack.

She was quiet throughout my infuriated temper, and yet, I didn't regret my choice of words. I didn't even glance at what harm I could've done.

It just felt good.

It felt… _nice _that I was able to speak for myself, and to think I might've hurt her like she had hurt me.

"Edward told me that Victoria was found in my room," I muttered, distracting myself by pacing. "But that everything was fine. Jake only called to let us know."

"Is that all he told you?" She said, almost bitterly. "My brother's an idiot, Bella, and you of all people should know that by now."

"You're saying he's been keeping things from me?"

Somehow, I didn't find this fact all that surprising.

"He's doing it to protect you," she warned me.

"And where did this lead off to last time he tried to be the hero?" I fumed, slamming the suitcase that, after flinging the clothes out, was now empty.

Alice sighed. "We really don't have enough time for this, Bella. To make it short, what's happening with Victoria is much more complicated than you think it is. We're assuming that there may be _more_ than one of our kind after you, others aside from Victoria, and the pack believes it would be safer if you stay with them in La Push. They're coming here to discuss the issue, which explains why Edward wants you out of here. Vampires and werewolves don't mix."

"Jake," I uttered. "Why can't I stay there? Wouldn't I –"

"Between my brother and me, I have more faith in the wolves than he does. Because I can't see the potential danger that comes in a pack of young werewolves in my visions, we would never know what could be happening. Edward's not going to take that chance."

I felt my eyes swell up with tears, and I angrily shook my head for the foolishness of what I couldn't control. "I told him _repeatedly –_" I paused, and, with blood boiling to the point that I _had _to close my eyes if I were to regain any self control, I said, "Take me home."

"Edward's going to be furious if he –"

"I don't care," I muttered shakily. "Just… please, Alice. I made a promise to you and I kept it. I'm not dragging my family into this. _Please _do this for me."

She turned her gaze to the floor, observing it with wonder until her eyes adjusted from their usual golden swirls to a darker honey color. Tilting her head to the side, she released a somewhat sullen sigh. Everything about her was captivating, yet I couldn't pull myself together when she spoke.

"Everything's going to change between us, isn't it?" she whispered.

It already has.

"You're the psychic. You tell me," I stated, and in a way that I hoped sounded as if I didn't care when, in reality, the walls were tearing up again. "I mean, for all I know, you could be in on this with Edward and lying to me as if I'm some little girl –"

"I would _never _lie to you, Bella," and she said it in such a way that I wasn't the slightest bit hesitant to believe her.

I only wished it was a lie itself.

I swallowed back the whimper that threatened to escape, choking on it along the way when I was overwhelmed by the weight hovering over my body.

"But that doesn't mean I don't lie to myself at times."

I looked up at her then, silently questioning her remark, and nearly dropped to my knees when I noticed our proximity. It was just like in the past, where I would catch myself staring at Alice over and over again, and I would look away whenever I had the feeling that she was about to look back.

But this time, it was different.

This time, I could gaze into her perfect features without fearing that she would notice.

Because she was doing the same thing.

It was the sound of a cough that interrupted this absurd moment, and the very first thing I became aware of was the way my fingers slowly made their way across the cold, hard flesh of her hand.

When I looked at Alice, the panic was evident on her expression. I pulled away and was instantly greeted by the confusion and loneliness brought from this movement.

"I'll get the keys. Get whatever you need and meet me outside. We have to leave as soon as possible," she said so quickly, the words were just a blur.

It was a wonder that I caught on, seeing that I was too… _dead _to cry or speak or even attempt to grasp at my swollen heart.

But before I could respond, she practically disappeared from my sight, leaving me in a position that I dreaded beyond my experiences when I followed her route to the doorway.

Jasper stared back at me.


	13. Chapter 12

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating: **K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **I had a snow day today, so I guess that's how I was finally able to finish this. I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter! They made me happy :)

* * *

**10:28 a.m.**

"Would you like to sign up for the Barer's Sweepstakes?" The girl appeared to have taken note of my dull enthusiasm, because she quickly added, "It's free. You really don't have to. My manager's making me ask all the customers."

"Do you ever get many yes's?" I asked, uninterested, to be honest.

I supposed the moment was perfect to create a conversation with a stranger. There wasn't a reason why, though I felt as though I needed to talk to someone. Anyone. It was a nagging feeling I had whenever I felt depressed or lonely, and sometimes talking actually helped.

"Maybe about once a day," she replied humorously, and, looking at her nametag, I assumed her name was Samantha. "People don't usually take these contests seriously. I don't blame them, but they don't realize that the least entries there are, the greater the chances that you could win."

"What's the prize?" I added, merely to lengthen the discussion.

"No clue." She laughed. "I think it's a five hundred dollar gift card or something. The King here isn't really specific."

"I'm guessing you're talking about your manager?" I pondered, and, much to my surprise, I was growing slightly intrigued. "He can't be such a bad guy."

"You have no idea," she answered, stretching out the word 'no.' "It'll be the greatest day of my life when I can finally quit."

"But you need the job, huh?" I said, sympathetically, and she nodded. "You could always apply at Newtons Sports Good Store. The store close to Forks High School? I used to work there, since a friend owns it. He's... okay."

"Anything beats this crap hole," she muttered.

"Hey. Look on the bright side," I said, suddenly growing very timid with my newly found confidence. "You just got a new customer."

To my relief, she laughed again, apparently finding my horrid attempts to joke around amusing. She was really pretty, I noticed, with or without the laughter. Her eyes were a stunning shade of green, though what probably stood out the most was the shape of her face.

It was… familiar.

"That's true. I'm Sam, by the way, though you probably already knew that." She smiled, pointing a finger toward her nametag, all the while holding out a hand. "I've never seen you around here."

"Everyone usually refers to me as the daughter of Chief Swan," I told her, and shook her hand. "I'm Bella."

"Short for Isabella, right?" she asked. "I've always loved that name. It fits you perfectly, though."

I wasn't completely sure of what it was that struck me as odd, though I knew something had to have caused the sudden discomfort penetrating in the air. Maybe it was the obvious fact that someone was actually flirting with me, and by a girl, of all… genders. It sort of thrilled me and overwhelmed me at the same time.

Thrilling, because I wasn't as clueless as I thought I was.

Or maybe, and this may be the reason that exceeded the borderline of surprise, it was the expression of unease slowly emerging on Sam's face, revealing to me that there was a time limit when it comes to buying something at a store.

"We have to leave now, Bella." Alice glared from behind, her darkening eyes piercing past me in a menacing approach.

To me, having known a family of vampires for a while, she was simply frightening. I could never get used to the way they can threaten, as if ready to attack their prey.

But to anyone who hasn't encountered one, it had to have been terrifying.

As in heart stopping, bone shivering terrifying.

"A friend of yours?" asked Sam after a few seconds of awkward silence, and even when it felt like an incredible amount of time, she appeared as though she hasn't recovered from the ominous glare.

I simply pursed my lips and nodded, refraining from showing any evidence of my discomfort, or even the slightest hint that the word 'friend' didn't do justice.

"Thirteen eighty one," she said, quickly flicking her eyes from the money in my hand to what I assumed was Alice, and then back.

I handed her a twenty and retrieved my disposable camera and picture frame, bagged in some kind of woolen sack.

I decided it was best to leave, and not bother saying goodbye to the stranger I just met, who I just happened to know the name of.

"Hey!" she called out before I could reach the exit, and I had no choice but to turn around. "Was that a yes or a no to the contest?"

I smiled. "I think I'll hold back."

"Suit yourself. I'll just add you to my long rejection list." She shrugged, catching my eye in a sly wink as I was dragged out by an irritated Alice.

**10:41 a.m.**

I slid into the car seat rather slowly, careful as to not meet Alice's gaze when I placed my bag between my feet. I allowed my hand to linger there for a moment, grasping both the handle and the small events that were nowhere near insignificant, despite what I kept telling myself.

I knew I could never ask her why she reacted that way, though it never stopped me from pondering the situation myself. But there was only one question worthy of receiving the answer I wanted, and the one I didn't have an answer _to._

What did the girl do?

I released my grip by the time the car engine roared, mostly because I was frightened by the suddenness of the movement, and tilted myself toward the door in my usual awkward way.

It was really the only thing I could do if I was going to prevent any humiliation, _if _the car ride to my house was anything like the one to the store.

Who knew I could blush so much when I hadn't even uttered a word?

"Wait," I whispered to myself, even if the sound could've easily reached Alice's ears. I pushed the thought aside and shifted from my position, obtaining a clear view of the window and the Welcome to Port Angeles sign greeting me. "We're leaving Forks."

Of course, the only words leaving my lips had to be the obvious.

"Alice," I uttered in a panic, unable to care about the rule I made to keep my mouth shut. "You said –"

"You have to understand, Bella, that I never agreed to take you back to your house," she said, and rather bitterly, I might add.

If I weren't so preoccupied by the terror I collected from this newly found piece of information, I would've been shedding tears from the anger directed towards me.

But I didn't, and for that, I was eternally grateful.

I was… angry, in fact.

"No, you didn't. But I thought you could at least _act_ like you were my friend, and do this one favor for me!" I shouted, attempting to unbuckle my seatbelt with trembling hands.

Alice's expression remained ambiguous, however, imagination or not, I could've sworn I caught a hint of hesitation in her features… or hurt.

"Let me out. Now," I threatened. "I'll jump if I have to."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," she said.

"I'm _tired _of being the weak human that everyone has to look after. I'm not being ridiculous," I seethed. "It's the truth."

"Are you trying to kill yourself again?" Alice replied. "Is that it? Because I thought you were past that phase."

"Then obviously you don't know me as much as you thought you did," I spat, furiously taking hold of the door handle as an attempt to thrust it open.

The car came to an abrupt halt, violently sending me forward into Alice's arm, which appeared to have flown in front of me before I could hit the glass.

I couldn't tell. I was too busy crying.

"Nothing is going to happen to Charlie, Bella," Alice stated, hands wrapped tightly around my arms, though not tight enough to crush me. "Or any of us."

"Promise?" I whispered.

"Excuse me?"

"You owe me for keeping mine," I pointed out, throat tightening at the mere thought of it, but I was able to put the tears to a halt. "Do you promise?"

Her eyes met my own before I had the chance to look away, and if there was one thing that I learned after my memory loss, it was that not even a plane crashing through the sky could tear me away from her gaze.

It was these moments that made me wish I had Edward's gift.

"I promise," she muttered softly, and in an instant, far sooner than I had wished, she turned back to the road and continued driving.

**11:19 a.m.**

There was a loud beep sounding across the elevator, and at nearly the exact moment, the doors opened at what I assumed to be the fourth floor. The man standing to my right shuffled through the papers in his hand, cursing repeatedly beneath his breath before he made his way out, and several more came in.

I stared at the doors with curiosity, unable to conjure up a memory in which I used the elevator before. True, there was an infinite amount of times where I was dragged to the mall, which meant there should've been an infinite number of times that I rode on an elevator.

But most people call it the escalator.

I didn't realize I was finally alone with Alice until the last person – a weird woman with huge glasses and a creepy smile – left. I took a step closer to the corner and stared at the numbers blinking above the doors, snapping out of my reverie when the number twelve stayed lit.

No words were spoken as I followed her through the maze of hallways. I already knew this wasn't exactly the cheapest hotel in Port Angeles, but the idea of _how _expensive never really crossed my mind.

Judging by how the twelfth floor seemed to go on for an eternity, I could bet my own money that Alice spent more than what Charlie makes in a year.

I didn't bother harassing her about it.

I nearly bumped into her when she stopped in front of Room 206, and, without any hesitation, I took a step back to give her some space. It was a habit I made whenever the urge to touch her reappeared, and with the silence between us growing increasingly awkward, allowing my instincts to take over was probably the worst idea anyone could come up with.

She led the way inside and I followed without a second thought, gasping at the first glance of what must have been a president's suite.

I may have been exaggerating over the size, though I wouldn't have settled for anything less than amazing when it came to describing it. According to the paper sprawled across the table near the entrance, it was a one bedroom suite with two bathrooms and practically everything you could never find in my house.

I closed the door behind me and took one last glance at what lay before me.

Alice was nowhere to be seen.

**12:07 p.m.**

There were three things bothering me at the moment, each of them with a level of frustration greater than the other.

I was hungry, to start off with, and I didn't have a clue how to use room service. The phone even served as a mystery to me.

Secondly, the television was on, and I probably had as much interest in the program as a one year old has with a book without pictures. The annoying laughter coming from it made me think the channel was Nickelodeon, and the thought itself decreased the amount of fascination – if that was even possible.

And the last one was the most obvious, and, unfortunately, nagging me to the point that I was just about to leave the hotel. I wasn't exactly worried about Alice, despite how horrible that sounded. If she was in danger, it would be the person attempting to harm her that would be injured.

And I wasn't even worried about myself, seeing that everything was replaced by the confusion and grief caused by her leaving without telling me.

A few minutes passed with me staring blankly at the television screen, my mind scattered in a variety of places that would most likely never be found again. It wasn't until I was lulled into a light slumber that I heard a crash coming from one of the bathrooms.

Really, what was the point of getting up to check?

A door closed nearby, and I was instantly greeted by Alice's petite form practically appearing out of nowhere. She didn't meet my gaze when she entered, and any sign of where she was disappeared long before I even noticed what was happening.

"I ordered some food for you. I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got everything on the menu," she said, and my eyes widened at the sound of her voice rather than her explanation.

She sat down on the chair on the other side of the room, attention directed toward the t.v. screen.

And I watched.

I watched with fascination and curiosity and confusion and dread and relief and sorrow and happiness. I watched her, which may sound a bit creepy to anyone who didn't understand my position, but it was anything but abnormal to me.

It reminded me of a time I was in a hotel again, and it was like this because Alice was there with me, but it was different, too, because so was Jasper… and we were running away from something dangerous rather than my best friend.

I never discovered what we were running from, and I couldn't care when I had the memory of my friendship with Alice – more of the beginning of it. I remember some parts to it, like the way she just sat there and watched t.v., or the way she tried to calm me down when I only knew her as Edward's sister, or even when she told me how to become a vampire when Edward wouldn't.

I blocked out the theories as they approached, pushing them aside for another day.

And I began to wonder… hope and think about what to say, anything that could ease the need to know that this could still work out, no matter how broken I was.

Should I have asked her if it could?

Or should I have gone on with where she went?

Before I could dwell upon it even further, however, I whispered, "I was eight when I wanted to be an astronaut."

I didn't know where this came from, or why I even bothered telling Alice. It just felt like something she would want to know about me, and it seemed to work when the volume of the t.v. was lowered.

So I continued.

"I remember because it was career day at school, and there were firemen, policemen, models, office workers and practically any other job that didn't involve flying. It's kind of funny, now that I think about it. I was probably clumsier at eight than I am right now, so it wouldn't have been a pleasant sight if I was in the air rather than on the ground."

I smiled at the mere thought, turning my gaze from the ceiling to the t.v. screen once again, all the while avoiding Alice's eye. It helped when I was about to spill out some of my secrets. But I knew Alice.

She always listened.

"Besides the flying, being an astronaut involved planets and stars, which is what I loved back then. I had this... crazy idea that if I wanted to do something, then there's nothing there to stop me. And since the words were taken from my mom's mouth, I believed them.

"So." I sighed. "I jumped off the roof when she left to buy some bread at the market. I thought I could fly, you know? What a big surprise it was when I landed on some bushes… I broke my arm, of all the body parts. I would've traded both my legs just so I wouldn't have to do anything stupid like that again.

"She came back to see me crying on the ground, and you should know Renee. Just a paper cut would've have made her crazy, so nothing can describe the way she reacted that day. I told her I fell off the kitchen counter when I was trying to get some cereal, and I ran outside to get some help. The doctors actually believed it.

"I didn't want to be an astronaut anymore after that. If anything, it made me afraid of heights," I muttered, sensing an increase of temperature within the room. I was certain I had to have been blushing. "I never told anyone," I said, pausing. "Not until now, anyway."

And I stopped there, knowing there wasn't much left to remember. Nothing was said for the next few minutes, and I used this time to reconsider my decision, despite it being too late to not have said anything.

I stared at nothing in particular, lying on the couch with my front against the cushion, and mentally insulting myself with words I didn't even think I knew.

When I couldn't handle the silence any longer, I tilted my head to look at Alice, who soon met my gaze.

And surprisingly, she smiled. "Am I allowed to laugh?"

**1:30 p.m.**

She did laugh.

And I laughed with her.

It didn't completely destroy the regret and distress left from the night before, but it helped me forget, and I was willing to take just about anything for the time being.

We spent these moments talking and laughing, sharing information that were only meant for our own ears, and secrets that we were willing to share with the other.

It wasn't like old times, where we would have the sleepovers and shopping trips that I considered to be the heart of our friendship. It was deep and honest, but awkward when the conversations were led in a direction neither of us cared to precede.

These were the directions that made me remember.

Room Service came at the exact time Alice said it would, and I was dumbfounded by both the preciseness of her visions and the colossal amount of food she ordered for me.

It all pretty much ended up on the floor and on the walls rather than in my stomach.

She had the ability to clean it up a hundred times faster than any maid could, though that didn't stop the guilt of knowing my hatred for steak started it.

**2:42 p.m.**

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

I paused, briefly pondering over which of two questions to ask first. "You don't have to tell me, really. It's none of my business. I just… where-"

"I didn't leave, Bella. I have to call Edward when I can't rely on my visions," she replied, and I immediately froze when I realized she could still see _me. _"You have another question."

Of course, she most likely already knew what I was going to ask. It seemed absurd to have to say it out loud when she could simply answer it and save my own humiliation.

I decided to get it over with. "At the store, why did you glare at that girl?" I asked. "You realize you can give any human a heart attack when you do that?"

I caught sight of a slight smirk playing her lips, instantly disappearing before I could make anything out of it, and what came next was the unbearable silence.

"It's… sort of an instinct for vampires to show hostility toward anyone they don't like," was her response. "That was my fault, Bella. I apologize."

And that was the end of this very short discussion.

**3:12 p.m.**

I had forgotten about the camera I brought until I ended up stepping on it beside the bed. It was in perfect condition when I took it out of the box, though the picture frame wasn't as lucky.

"Your mom gave you a camera for your birthday last year, you know," Alice told me while I attempted to figure out how to turn it on.

"I know. I think I remember that. I couldn't find it when I looked through my pile of scrapbooks," I said. "Besides, it's not like I'm made out of money. Disposable is good enough for me."

"Uh huh," she muttered, watching me struggle with an amused smile. "I'll just have to get you a new one, then."

I snapped my head up. "Don't you dare, Alice."

"I've been good! When was the last time I bought you something?"

"Two hours ago," I muttered without a thought. "If you don't count the money spent for the damages I caused."

"Too late. You're getting a new camera, Bella," Alice confirmed, surprising me when she snatched it out of my hands and pointed it in my direction. "Smile."

I didn't have time to consider her words before I was blinded by a flash.

**3:51 p.m.**

I was depressed again, and it was one of those circumstances where you actually knew _why _you would be depressed. I supposed it was my fault, like everything else was, when I went to the bathroom and decided to stay there.

The walls were practically mirrors reflecting the events from hours before, and merely staring at the images of myself brought back the thoughts I've been attempting to hold back, thoughts of the girl on the other side of the door.

I didn't cry, and I was thankful for that. The tears were, instead, replaced as I began contemplating over why the hell I was there in the first place.

There, as in the hotel. With Alice.

I wanted to leave. God, I just wanted to stop _thinking. _Feeling had to have been the appropriate word, though, when I realized I wasn't accomplishing anything.

Nothing. Nada.

The fire was only getting brighter, and I continued to play with it.

"Are you okay?" asked Alice once I was able to find the courage to leave the bathroom.

I nodded and attempted to smile as a reassuring gesture.

Alice, having noticed my gaze shifting to the object she held in her hand, said, "I was thinking we could watch a movie to pass the next few hours. Edward isn't coming until later on, and we have free cable."

I laughed. "Don't you already know the answer to that?"

"Now I do," she said, smirking. "Romance or horror?"

I eyed her suspiciously. "Aren't there any other choices?"

"Yes. But those are my favorites," she replied, sticking her tongue out.

I groaned inwardly.

What a difficult decision. I hated both genres.

I despised the mere thought of blood. Even fake blood on a television screen was enough to make me shudder. And then romance…

"Horror."

**8:01 p.m.**

I was wrong.

It wasn't the blood that freaked me out, seeing that there _was _no blood used in the movies Alice chose, and, judging by the quality, they must've been filmed in the eighties.

They were actually _scary. _I could only assume horror was at its best around this decade, because not once did the urge to hold onto somebody disappear, and with the only actual somebody being Alice, the definition of horror took on a whole new meaning for me.

"What's this?" I asked, pointing to the white bag Alice handed me.

"Medicine," she replied with a shrug. "I got your prescription from Charlie when you stopped taking them. Why do you think we stopped by the store?"

I stared at her. "Are you stalking me?"

"Maybe a little," she joked.

"Oh. Well… good," I said, taking hold of the bottle between my hands. "Better you than Mike."

She giggled as I began reading the side effects labeled across the sticker, my vision blurring in and out between each word. I remembered taking them after my trip back from the hospital, and threw them out without anyone knowing when I realized that it was the pills that were making me lightheaded.

I didn't even want to know how Alice found out.

Sighing, I took the cap off and dumped a few of the blue tablets in my hand, eyeing them with the utmost desire to just throw them out the window.

I glanced at Alice, only to quickly turn away when I caught her staring, as if expecting me to shove them down my throat already.

I laughed silently at the thought.

Grabbing a mug from the coffee table, I popped one in my mouth and devoured it with water.

**Alice POV**

**10:09 P.M.**

She told me she felt dizzy, and by the rate of her slowing heartbeat, I knew she was fighting the urge to sleep.

It was always like Bella to be so stubborn.

I was just glad she was going to take her medicine again. It wasn't much of a difficult task to drag her to bed when it became blatantly obvious that she could hardly keep her eyes open.

It was still fascinating, no matter how many times I've done it, to watch the muscles of Bella's body relax beneath the moonlight spilling from the window, and hear the pacing of her breaths even out. It was peaceful and just… right.

She began muttering in her sleep, which was as common as her falls, though not once had I heard her say my name in her dreams. It was what she said that brought me back to her side.

"Don't go. Please," Bella whispered softly, clenching her hands around the sheets of the bed and turning her entire body over. "Don't leave me. Don't…"

"Shh… It's going to be fine," I said, interlacing my fingers with hers to stop her from hurting herself.

It should have made me happy to think she was dreaming about Edward, even if it was a nightmare, yet I couldn't explain why it pained me instead.

I tried to let go when she appeared to have calmed down, but she tightened her grip on my hand – strong, even for a human – and pulled me closer.

"Don't go," she cried again, and the anguish within these words was evident. "Please. Alice."

I stopped breathing at the sound my name rolling off her tongue, and just a gentle tug was enough to pull me on the bed, slipping beside her trembling frame.

"I'm not leaving you," I promised, bringing our interlocked hands to my lips. "I won't. Never."

She whimpered again, like a child afraid of the dark, though that was all that escaped before she was still again, pulling herself closer to me while holding onto my hand, and resting her head against my shoulder.

I hated it because I enjoyed it.

I loved the feeling of Bella's body against my own, and the warmth radiating from her flesh and the blood pulsing through her veins. I loved how that blood wasn't what caused temptation. I loved how her breath tingled across my neck, and the way she moved closer when I brushed a strand of hair from her face.

I hated myself for loving these things.

And when the vision came to ruin what was both good and bad, I sighed, loosening my protective grip around her hand. If I was about to have company with a sight like this, there wouldn't be much to explain.

"Edward," Bella murmured in her sleep.

What perfect timing.

I only had about two minutes before he was to arrive, so I released my grasp, though not before I was able to catch a final glimpse of the girl sleeping before me.

Edward or not, she said my name first.

And the thought alone made me smile.


	14. Chapter 13

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating: **K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **The bed joke was taken from tara sue me's, "Edward and the Bed."

* * *

I had a massive headache by the time I woke up to the sound of an alarm clock. I was peacefully asleep, with no dreams or nightmares or even headaches to interrupt this accomplishment I was able to achieve. It had to have been the loud screeching three feet away that practically split my head in half.

Moaning with an unbearable amount of exhaustion absorbing my body, I stretched my aching muscles against the comforter of my bed and allowed the scent of freesias to reach my senses.

No matter how conceited it sounded, even I had to admit that the floral aroma was appealing, especially when I was capable of smelling it on such a crappy morning.

When the pain began to overrule the urge to sit still and merely enjoy the comfort, I rolled over and used my left arm to lazily slap the snooze button at my side.

There was nothing there.

I groaned softly at my terrible luck, and, now wide awake, shifted myself off the mattress to try again… only to get a good look at the time.

"You awake, Bells?" Charlie called out downstairs. "You're going to be late!"

A shudder ripped through my frame as my elbow made contact to the edge of the bedside table, and, with a low hiss, my attention was pulled from the throbbing pain to the gentle shadows dancing across the dimly lit room.

My dimly lit room.

My eyes flickered closed for a brief moment, the memory of the night before savored in my mind. Even if I felt as though it was alcohol I had consumed instead of drugs that were intended to aid during my recovery, I could clearly remember the instant I had fallen asleep.

What I couldn't remember was when I was taken back to my room. Without a doubt, I couldn't have done it by myself, though it also made me wonder whether Charlie had any idea of where I had gone.

Or even if I was gone at all.

The objects surrounding me appeared to be spinning when I decided to stand up, and, staggering helplessly to the door like an idiot, I shoved myself against the wall to refrain from falling. Eventually, I made it to the hallway in one piece.

The kitchen was filled with the kind of silence you have when no one claps after a bad performance. It was kind of funny, really, because all you would hear are several coughs from the audience and the scraping of chairs, which is exactly what came in Charlie's presence.

It was extremely awkward. I assumed there weren't any words spoken because I was rather quiet with my actions, and with Charlie's hearing problems, it was very likely that he wasn't even aware that I was there.

"You were too tired to change?" he asked suddenly, and I nearly slammed my head against the refrigerator from the abruptness of his question.

I quickly glanced at him to see his back was facing me, his arm raised to his face as if sipping from a mug of coffee.

Answer! I mentally screamed. I wouldn't have panicked if I had actually known what Charlie was talking about, but a look at the clothes I wore suggested two things. One – I still had on what I wore last night. And two…

Charlie didn't know.

Forming the words I needed to speak, I said, "Um, yeah. I was. School is just… really tiring, you know?"

"Is that so?" Charlie questioned. "I would've never known." And before I could obtain the reflex to look away, he turned in his seat, and I was greeted by a rather intense gaze that was nowhere near in character for him. "Is that why I received a phone call from your principal saying you didn't go to school yesterday?"

The slightest reaction to this discovery was clearly enough to prove his point.

"I'm not going ask anything you don't want to answer. Not unless you want to tell me," he stated sternly, the only available emotion smoldering within his eyes, and if I hadn't known any better, he appeared to be more worried than angry. "Do you have any idea why I was called to the station yesterday?"

At this, I immediately snapped away from Charlie's gaze. I expected him to be angry, to give me some kind of punishment, even if it was something I would never want from my own Dad. Anything would've been better than this… this disappointment.

I shook my head mutely, struggling with the amount of actual words I yearned to say. I wasn't capable of uttering a single sound, however, nor could I even obtain the will to open my mouth.

Charlie stood up then, and just this movement alone was what caused me to follow his figure from one end of the kitchen to the other, a rolled up stack of papers in his hand.

"This," he muttered, handing me the newspaper with the front page facing up. "Is why I'm worried about you, Bells."

I eyed him wearily, hesitantly, in fact, before I took it from him. I was only able to read the title when I was overwhelmed by the urge to lock myself in my room and never come out.

Four Killed in Port Angeles. Suspects Remain Unknown, was what it said, followed by a short summary, obviously written to fit a certain rating, of how the victims were found in several different sections in the city of Port Angeles, each body mangled and beaten to death.

I skimmed through the article in a quick pace, and took note of the lack of description when it failed to mention what should've been the most common method used to kill these people… they were robbed of their blood.

I allowed the frightened side of me – the side that was constantly hidden – to conquer my current state of emotions.

And it was official. I was scared out of my mind.

"Victoria," came my response to the small quivers arising within my body.

I couldn't stop shaking, and this normally wouldn't have been such a terrible reaction if Charlie hadn't been present. He snatched the paper from my hands and threw it across the kitchen table, all the while gripping my shoulders with enough force to temporarily put the unpleasant tremors to a halt.

Or at least, that was what I could distinguish through all the confusion.

"Bells," Charlie repeated again. "Bella, what's wrong?"

It was a struggle to breathe when the air appeared to be thick. It was a wonder how I could actually speak. "Nothing, Dad. I – I'm fine. I need to get ready for school."

I slipped away from his firm grasp and made my way toward the stairs, stopping when my name was called. Otherwise, I would've kept going until I had just a little belief that I was in a safety zone, even if my only available 'safety' at the moment was my room.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" he pressed on, meeting my eyes with the same amount of worry and despair as he previously possessed. "Don't do that again. It isn't safe here anymore, even if the murders are happening in Port Angeles."

"You can count on that," I said, my eyes darting from the front door suddenly capturing my attention to Charlie's face, which hadn't altered in the slightest. "Just… just be careful, Dad."

He gave me a rather puzzled look, and, to conceal any leftover suspicions, I quickly added, "You're a cop. You think any bad guys will go easy on you?"

It was lame, but at least I earned a chuckle. "Like your old man can't handle it. You shouldn't worry about me, sport," he replied. "You, on the other hand, are telling me where you're going after school. And I expect you to be back before nine every night. You got that?"

"Yes, sir," I uttered, flashing him a weak smile that didn't go unnoticed by his observant gaze.

I looked away before he could see any further than what I mistakably showed him, and mumbled a quiet good bye as I climbed the stairs. For a second, the thought of school nearly left my mind, though a glance toward a clock drowned me in another wave of disappointment.

I took a quick break in the bathroom, not bothering to take a shower with the limited amount of time I had, and strolled across the hallway with an unusual sensation that told me I wasn't alone.

This feeling was proven right once I entered my room.

"Alice?"

If her random appearance was similar to the one made after my trip back from the hospital, it was only common sense to think I would've gotten a heart attack, especially with the thought of Victoria still lingering in my mind. But it was a casual greeting, her petite frame sitting on my bed, positioned beside the open window.

It was just… an unwelcoming surprise.

She provided me with one of her breathtaking smiles. "Hello."

"Um… hi," was my famous reply.

"You don't seem too enthusiastic to see me," Alice pointed out, jokingly. Her smile never faltered, but it didn't take another vampire to notice the darkening of her once honey colored eyes.

It would've been a lie to deny her remark, which is why I didn't. Oddly enough, Alice's presence awakened the misery I temporarily lost, and, although it was unknown as to why, the reaction alone was enough to force me into another state of confusion. I didn't see the point in hiding my emotions.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, refraining from adding any bitterness to the tone of my voice as I began rummaging through my untidy closet. "I thought you were supposed to keep me hostage at the hotel."

"Would you have preferred if I did?"

I didn't answer.

"Edward came just after you fell asleep. He said an agreement was made with the wolves, and it's now official that they'll be working together to find Victoria… and the others that are working for her," she told me, adding the best portion of her statement for last.

Even if there has always been a notion that there were more vampires other than Victoria after me, it still didn't soothe the effects of this verification.

And Alice appeared to have noticed as well. "It's going to be fine, Bella," she confirmed, waiting until I was irritated by my inability to find anything in my closet to say, "To your left, beneath the dress you said you would never wear after I gave it to you."

I quickly grabbed the t-shirt from the spot Alice pointed out, muttering a 'thank you.'

"I didn't think you wanted to stay at the hotel, which is why I took you to your house last night," she continued just as I was about to leave. "It would've saved you the trouble if Charlie didn't know you were with me, but the thought that the school would call never crossed my mind… or my visions. That was my fault."

I stood in front of the doorway silently, and pondered her words with a need to explain my reasoning. It was regret. It had to be.

I didn't dare turn around until I felt reassured that I wouldn't do anything stupid, because stupid, in my dictionary, was giving your best friend a hug after she rejected you just thirty-six hours previously. And turning around would make that stupidity reality.

"Thank you," I said, only the sincerity in these two meaningless words was far greater than what they appeared to be. "Are you… are you driving me to school?"

"If you want me to."

Of course I wanted her to.

"I'll call Angela and tell her, then," I whispered, hesitating between dragging my motionless body out of the room, and grabbing the dress that taunted me from the corner of my eye.

All in all, I ended up gripping it tightly between my fingers, eventually escaping the tension inconspicuously emerging.

"You look beautiful in it, you know," Alice whispered in the car, eyes planted on the road.

"Thank you," I muttered. The thoughts, 'I hate it. I hate it. I hate it,' constantly roamed within my mind, and every so often, I would scold myself for not bringing any spare clothes.

Of all the things I could forget…

I was the one to catch her staring this time, and it was the same procedure. She would smile and look away, and I would blush until I felt the world itself was heating up.

I didn't realize the process was broken until it happened more than once, and each time was what led to me catching Alice's gaze, and the sudden burst of awkward laughter that filled the car.

All good things end, however, just like they always did. The car came to a halt in front of the school, and a glimpse of the Volvo informed me that it was time to depart.

"I guess I'll see you after school?" I asked, nervously unfastening my seatbelt, anything to buy me more time.

"Not today," she answered back. "I have somewhere to go with Jasper… but Edward already plans to pick you up. Esme wanted to surprise you with dinner, but you were going to find out anyway."

"Right. Dinner," I whispered sullenly. "Edward."

It was foolish of me to disregard the fact that Alice could still hear, no matter how low I was able to speak. She followed me as I got out of the car, with me searching through my book bag on top of the hood, and her slamming the door, which instantly pulled me out of another reverie.

Alice looked at me rather oddly for a moment, her gaze transfixed to my face as if pondering a thought. It left me uncomfortable until it appeared as though she was about to speak.

All she could say was, "Bella, do you –," before a sharp ringing noise echoed across the school. A crowd of students flooded the parking lot within seconds, shattering the idea that there was no one else to worry about but the two of us.

I was beginning to despise my own imagination.

Bringing my attention back to Alice, I was almost certain I saw a hint of distress playing her expression, followed by a smile as she caught my eye. With a wave before I gained the opportunity to speak, she disappeared.

Never bet against her.

This was a fact that I had to relearn throughout the weeks of recovering from memory loss. True, the statement wasn't precise, but it was enough to send me into an anti happy phase. Dinner just happened to be a few days after it was supposed to take place.

"Bella, dear. Which do you prefer?" Esme asked me that evening, a blue bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other. "Spaghetti or lasagna?"

Honestly, I didn't see the difference. I mean, isn't spaghetti lasagna without the cheese or meat or whatever you put in spaghetti? Or was it just me being picky about food I barely remember ever eating?

"Spaghetti," I replied. If anything, I remember the food channel, and lasagna was most definitely more difficult to cook than spaghetti.

She nodded with a graceful smile, leaving the Cullen living room just as Emmett's booming voice exploded in the kitchen. I cringed. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy having Emmett toying around with his jokes.

I just preferred the quiet.

And anything that wasn't party related.

I was sitting on the couch in Carlisle and Rosalie's presence when Edward arrived, dressed in casual clothing that still made him appear dazzling to the human eye. It was sort of depressing to know that I was wearing jeans, and no matter the style of fashion, I would always be plain Bella.

With this thought, I sank against the cushion and sulked.

"You don't look like you're having much fun." Edward chuckled. He followed my route by taking a seat beside my moping frame, brushing his icy lips against my own.

I shrugged, not once taking my eyes off the stairs. "I don't see why you guys had to change the date. You could have just kept it on Wednesday."

"Then it wouldn't have been a surprise," he said. "Besides, we had to tell Charlie before making any sudden plans."

"He would've said yes either way," I grumbled.

"It's more polite to ask beforehand, love," Edward replied, taking hold of my hand with his. "He's not exactly as… welcoming as he was before."

Of course he was referring to Charlie's strict rules, though I couldn't control my thoughts on a different subject matter.

"You really can't blame him," I whispered coldly. "You got on his bad side when you left. I don't think he'll be 'welcoming' any time soon."

He squeezed my hand lightly, causing me to temporarily break away from my transfixed stare that I've been holding onto.

"You got your cast off yesterday," he went on, changing the subject by stating the obvious. "You haven't said anything about it."

"There's not much to say. I guess… I'm terribly happy that my chances of falling on my face have decreased," I muttered. "I wouldn't want to split my head open again."

I scooted away slightly when Edward's chest began to vibrate, jaw tightened in what, to me, appeared to be a menacing way. It took Emmett's cheer to make me grasp that he was growling.

"Emmett," Edward snarled, letting go of my hand to take possession of my waist. "Don't you dare."

Emmett came in with another one of his goofy grins; contagious, it seemed, when, for the first time ever, I caught a glimpse of Rose with a cheerful expression.

"Come on, Ed," he begged through the use of Edward's most despised nickname. "This could be her last chance. Who the hell knows when she'll be changed?"

"I do, and it's never going to happen!" Edward snapped. "You realize she's underage, right? Or are you really that stupid to think she won't be harmed?"

"Dude, chill. It's only alcohol. Humans drink it all the time," Emmett explained, finally making sense when he held up a bottle that read Vodka. "This is Bella's choice, and she wants to try it. Right, Bella?"

I blushed at the mention of my name, the fire merely rising in temperature when I became the center of attention.

"Boys, please don't pressure Bella into doing anything she does or doesn't want to do," Carlisle barged in. "And Emmett," he uttered. "It's not the best idea."

"Thank you, Carlisle!" Edward shouted. "At least someone in this family has common sense."

"You realize he's only saying that because you have to take her back later?" Rose spoke from her secluded area beside Carlisle. The sound of her voice caused me to double back in my seat. "Charlie gives you his trust with his only daughter, and she arrives home drunk. Really, Edward. You shouldn't be judging Emmett's stupidity when it's obvious you don't have a mind for yourself."

"My girl's right, Eddy," Emmett joked, wrapping an arm around Rose's shoulders, which, in return, earned him a shove to the side. "But," he pointed. "I must give you credit for ordering a bed for Bella."

"Bed?" I whispered curiously, only interested in this… strange conversation at the sound of my name.

"It's nothing, love," Edward whispered back. "My brother… he doesn't know what he's talking about."

"And that's where you're wrong," Emmett corrected, pointing a finger toward Edward that soon landed on me. "The guy's been in the virgin industry for over a century, Bella. The only reason he would order a bed is to seduce you, and if I were you, I'd watch out."

"Emmett." Edward sighed, clasping the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "For the last time, that is not why I'm getting a bed."

"Sure it's not. And vampires can sleep," Emmett indicated sarcastically. "He's planning on having sex with you."

"Emmett!"

Okay. This must mean that it was time to leave.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I muttered, more timidly, though difficult to believe, than my first day with the Cullens. I had a very good excuse for this, and I didn't need to constantly repeat it to myself as I made my way up the stairs. It was already permanently marked within my thoughts.

"I was joking, Bella!" I heard Emmett call out once I reached the second floor.

I ignored him, like I usually did whenever he began to piss me off, and strolled across the hallways as the voices slowly died out. Of course, I really wasn't going to the bathroom, nor was I planning on it. But it didn't seem like such a bad idea. I recently learned that, next to my bedroom, the bathroom was a sanctuary to me, a place I could take refuge in with or without the thoughts to distract me.

I turned a corner after a few moments of wandering around, absorbed in anything but my surroundings. I supposed that was why I unknowingly ended up in front of the door, shoving it open without a knock or even a warning for anyone who was already in there.

That anyone just happened to be Alice.

"Oh!" I gasped softly, blushing once again at the sight of her, fully clothed and doing… absolutely nothing. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to – I mean, I should've knocked –"

It seemed a bit odd to see Alice sitting on the bathroom floor, isolated from everyone and everything. But I really wasn't one to talk when I did it all the time. What really had me was the silence met through my useless stuttering, and the curious gaze she held while sitting still.

There wasn't much to say when we haven't spoken for a while.

"I… I should probably go now," I muttered.

I was just about to leave before I was pulled back; not violently, but fierce enough to send me staggering into Alice's arms, who, much to my surprise, held me up in an easy position to say,

"I knew you were coming."

"You mean –"

"I wanted to show you something," she stated, loosening her grip on my waist so I could face her.

"Now?"

Alice laughed. "Yes. Now," she demanded playfully, which was a surprise itself. I was speechless when she took hold of my hand, tugging at it in a direction that she must've been referring to as the house. "Follow me."

Like I had a choice.

I wouldn't say I was being dragged like a stray dog, because honestly, I was just as curious to see what was up with Alice's sudden enthusiasm as she was… well… excited. But something told me that if I had any resistance toward this 'follow the leader' game, there wouldn't be a second option. It only seemed right to obey as I was led to the west wing of the house, a section I was vaguely familiar with.

"Where're we going?" I finally asked.

She didn't respond, and I didn't take it to heart for once, because I easily became distracted by the dead end in which we stopped at, teasing me with a white wall that couldn't go any further.

This time, I knew when to shut up.

There was a reason why the western part of the house remained foreign to me, and this dead end was the simplest way to explain it. There were a few rooms located within the same hallways, and only one was being used; Carlisle's office. The rest were either closets or storage space for the infinite amount of things the Cullens possessed.

So when I watched Alice pull down some kind of door from the ceiling, to say I was fascinated was an understatement.

"Is this… an attic?" I uttered.

"Uh huh."

I didn't know what to expect. Wasn't it about time that I was told the truth about vampires? That they really do sleep in coffins? And magically turn into bats whenever they felt like it? It seemed like the perfect place to hide these things, with a staircase to add a little decoration.

How could I describe my reaction when I realized it was just another attic like any other?

It was a disappointment, to be honest, as I studied the stacks of boxes accompanied by dust, cobwebs, and, when there were cobwebs, there were always spiders. The stream of moonlight from the window was the only source of light illuminating the small room, casting some creepy shadows along the walls and ceiling, which was curved in a way that told me we were just below the roof.

"We normally don't have secrets in this house," Alice murmured quietly, her voice practically hauling my attention. "But we have our privacy, and if there's something we don't want to share, then of course we should have the right to keep it.

"To shorten it up a bit, I keep all my memories from the past here, and items that just… resemble what I was able collect from my human years. This is what I hide from my family. Obviously it doesn't stop them from sneaking in anyway, but it's trust that holds us together. Love," she went on. "My visions help, too… but even Emmett knows when to back off."

She laughed when she said this, softly and, if I didn't know any better, sadly. "Besides Jasper, you're the only one I ever showed it to."

I knew I was selfish. I knew it was horrible to feel envy over this little fact; that I was second, and behind Jasper, of course. But it was only brief and subtle, hidden beneath the great amount of joy and absolute delight I felt. It didn't matter all that much what place I took in Alice's trust and love. If I wasn't allowing my pride to prevail, I knew I already had a tremendous seat.

If only… it didn't sadden me to think it wasn't the seat I wanted.

"That's my sister, Cynthia," she told me, eyeing the photo of a young woman I held in my hand. "She's been dead for years now, but she had a daughter. My niece… she's still alive."

"She's beautiful," I muttered, tracing the outline of the girl's face, and studied the similarities between her and Alice. "You two look so much alike."

"Thank you."

I shook my head. "I should be the one thanking you," I said. "For showing me this… Alice… it means a lot to me."

"And I don't regret it. At all." She smiled, walking over to a corner on the other side. She twirled around with her arms out, as if presenting a work of art. "So? What do you think?"

"About the attic?" I asked, and she nodded. "Hm… well," I muttered, playfully tapping the end of my jaw with my index finger. "It's not the most romantic place…"

I snapped my eyes close as soon as the words escaped my mouth, mentally scolding myself over and over again. Why the hell did I say that? Why?

"I'm sorry. I – I didn't mean it like that – I meant… you know, in general. It's not romantic for anyone. In general. No one. Or you and Jasper, in your c –"

I wasn't aware of her proximity at the time, as there was a safe distance between us. Nothing that could put a complete halt to my words. So when she was suddenly in front me, one of her hands tenderly caressing my jaw, well… I stopped talking.

"It's okay," she whispered. "You can say what you want. No one will hear."

My eyes widened, letting out a strange yelp.

I wasn't entirely sure what it was that nearly had me on my knees. It could've been her scent. It had to be – that cinnamon-like smell that was causing the ridiculously quick rhythm of the blood streaming through my veins, overcoming the leveled heartbeat from earlier on.

But I could see her then. Clearly. More clearly than I ever thought was a possibility as the light pants of her steady breathing were within contact of my skin. Flesh that tingled beneath the scorching heat that wasn't radiating due to the temperature of the room.

"Wh – what are you doing?" I managed to stammer.

This seemed to break her out of her stupor, because all too soon the realization began to sink in and her eyes, which were pitch black by then, looked at me as if I was the one to be fearful of. She took a step back.

"Alice."

"We should go back," was her response. "Edward will be looking for you."

"Wait, no. What the hell was that ab –"

But she was gone before I could finish.

And as I stood there alone, unmoving, unfeeling, and unthinking… I began to wonder.

I began to panic.

What just happened?


	15. Chapter 14

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** M

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N:** I honestly don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I wrote this chapter. Hope you like it anyway!

* * *

Red.

A kind of red that you could argue over whether it was really red, or an incredibly dark shade of orange tinted with blood. Red that can be seen even through the darkest of nights, and red that may – or most likely – haunt the inner portion that forces your flesh to tingle toward the mere idea of blood.

My nightmare revolved around this color.

Pale skin that shimmered beneath the gleaming moonlight, stiff and icy as the mountains fading in and out of my imagination. And lips that lifted into a snide smirk, revealing the crammed teeth and the monster within.

But it was the eyes that did it.

They were just that. Red. Red and piercing sharp with the ability to stun anyone in a distance. _Kill _anyone with the misfortune to gaze upon these two pools of swirling crimson, and possessing not one thought of what an action like this could do.

In an instant, the horrifying vision of what was found in the deepest depths disappeared, replacing the daze-like moment with the sensation of being underwater; lungs close to bursting and head ready to swell like a balloon.

There was no motion whatsoever.

No body to writhe in the imminent approach of death, or hands to grasp at the life located seconds within reach.

No heart to accelerate with the accompanying fear coursing through veins, or feet to dangle in the stillness of endless water.

No lungs to burst. No head to swell.

It was just me.

Me and the woman with the crimsoned eyes.

Waiting.

Waiting for me.

I awoke to the hard patter of rain against the window, pulled out of the little ounce of sleep by the shattering thunder striking the sky. Of course. How accurate my dreams became whenever the weather was terrible. And predictable. It was only fair to admit that I was used to the thunder and the lightning and the hail… but the images never went away.

I had the same picture of a woman permanently inscribed within my mind, freshly painted from my newest memories. It was sort of a random appearance, and trivial the first time it came. But as the nights passed, the same dream would reoccur every time there was a thunderstorm. Water seemed to hold a significant piece to my past.

It was the third dream I had of the woman that I decided to speak and tell the only person who I could trust at the moment. I instantly regretted my decision when Edward refused to leave my side until he was certain that I wasn't frightened anymore when, in truth, how could I be scared when I didn't even know what the hell was going on?

I was only afraid of the silence. I was afraid of the lack of information that was given to me, information that spun around my _life. _I was angry at everyone for keeping things from me. Infuriated, in fact, that I nearly took my truck for a late ride just so I could escape Edward and his damn impossibilities.

It didn't take long afterward to discover who she was.

Before I could sit up, a flash of lightning flickered through the shades, casting a dim glow across the objects of my room. The swiftness of the beam was rather quick, but not enough to prevent a view of what lay before me.

I eyed the rocking chair in the corner with a strong sense of tranquility, elbow pressed along the edge of my bed as I tilted my body for better examination.

It should've been a bit of a surprise to know my rocking chair was moving by itself, with its heals slowly swaying against the wooden floors in hushed creaks. But the vague shadow on top of the chair promptly consumed all confusion, and soon I was able to identify it when honey colored eyes met my own.

I dismissed the faint hint of excitement at once, flinging my covers over my feet. I forced myself to look away when I grasped the concept that I had nothing to say, and, instead, sat cross legged beside the window, gaze planted on the thin streams of water flowing down the visible glass.

I stayed like this for a few minutes, the sound of thunder growing softer and softer in the distance. And while I sat there, the shadow across the room did so as well, somehow communicating through unspoken words.

"Are Emmett and Jasper gone?" I asked when I no longer felt comfortable with the silence. I mentioned Emmett and Jasper because, for some bizarre reason, the thought of them was really the only thing I could conjure up.

It was an appropriate topic, despite the current circumstances. They were here just here before I fell asleep, 'guarding' the house, as Emmett said, when all he really did was disturb our neighbor's dog. And Jasper was just… Jasper.

Our relationship hasn't exactly changed for the better.

"Yes," Alice replied and brought the squeaking to a halt. I was just about to run over there and stop it myself, but the act would've involved physical contact. "They left about an hour ago for training. Because Jasper's the one teaching us how to fight, it only makes sense that he'd be the main guest. And Emmett's just in for the action."

"What about you?" I kept my eyes on the window the entire time, wondering why the Cullens ever agreed to participate during a storm. The plan had Jake's name written all over it.

"I told Edward to stay." I chanced a look toward her direction to see her shrug, and it crossed my mind that it was probably best if he hadn't come. The Cullen I wanted to talk to was just a few feet away. "Besides him, I was the only one who was willing to come." She paused as she said this, which earned me another minute to ponder the questions I should begin with. "Well, you know Rose would never –"

"Thank you," I uttered. I hoped the words came out the way I wanted them to, with no explanation needed.

"You're welcome," was Alice's response, and so began conversation one of two that had a split opinion on my part. "You dreamed about Victoria again, didn't you?"

I hesitated, just as I usually did whenever I was asked about my memory of her, or my memory in general. Most of what I could remember came from my dreams, and because a majority of these dreams ended up being nightmares, to relive them was pretty brutal.

"Yeah," I said.

I felt the movement of Alice's body close by, though from what I could tell, she was still seated in her exact place, motionless as a vampire. I assumed she just nodded her head, wordlessly telling me that she heard and understood my vague reply.

That was something I loved about Alice. She always knew when and when not to speak, which was a talent Edward apparently didn't have.

"It's the same one," I continued remorsefully. My mental state of mind held no agreements to what I wanted to say. All I wanted was to slip beneath the covers again and pretend I didn't know there was someone else in the room. Yet, at the same time, the need to talk to Alice was far greater than any conversation that involved Victoria.

"I feel it all in my dreams, almost like I'm actually there," I whispered. Exposed arms snaked around my legs as I brought them to my chest, head placed firmly upon my knees. "I feel it. The fear. The confusion. The sensation of _knowing _that something bad is going to happen, which is the worst of them all – when you _know _you can stop it, but you don't know how. You're hopeless."

"You can't control your dreams, Bella," Alice informed me, tone soft and gentle from what I believed to be an attempt of comfort. "There's no such thing as restraint in dreams. Anything can occur."

"Says the vampire who can't even sleep," I hissed mistakenly, and I followed the tightness around my chest in a foolish way by adding, "They're just like your visions, Alice. You don't have power over people's decisions, nor can you control which visions you receive. When you do get them, you're that one person who can change the future, and how do you feel when you can't _do _anything? How _would _you feel if you believed in destinies, and it has always been mine to die at eighteen?"

"Don't say that," Alice ordered, surprising me with a voice loud enough to wake up Charlie. "Why do you think we're working so hard to protect you? It's because we _care _about you, Bella. _I _care about you. I would never let that happen."

"Really? You can stop me from dying because you care about me?" I questioned, the sarcasm thick and solid in my inquiry. "Because life is that easy?"

She didn't respond.

"Is that why almost kissed me, then?"

This was it. This was the bull's-eye to my desired target. The hole in one to my golf game. The half point shot to win the match. This was a subject matter that I couldn't wait on any longer.

It was a question that troubled me since the night I learned of Alice's other side, a side I was never familiar with or even put a thought to. And to think that I would honestly forget the chaos she caused was absolutely idiotic. Rash. Surely I was in an awkward position at the moment, but it was worth the hours spent on wondering what had happened, and what _would've _happened if I had asked sooner.

But every time I attempted to lead the conversation toward this direction, I was always given the impression that Alice was avoiding it.

And that was exactly what she did.

"You were writhing as you slept. I can still smell the perspiration," came her answer. I again took note of her reluctance to come any closer. "You should probably change out of your clothes."

Annoyance.

I couldn't blame myself when another one of my questions was turned down just because Alice refused to directly answer it with a proper response. It was a routine. Over and over again, everything I said was practically shoved into a dark corner, ignored.

But when I thought about it, the anger was mostly due to the fact that I was here, and Alice was over there.

Not once has she moved to reassure me that everything was fine, and that dreams were just figments of my imagination by telling me face on like she used to. Her face remained hidden behind the darkness, with only a weak stream of moonlight to outline her figure. The tight feeling in my chest grew slightly painful when I realized that it was most likely done on purpose.

I untangled myself from my pathetic pose, arms held securely against my chest as I made my way to my closet. The possibility of falling grew to ninety percent when walking in the dark, but explaining to Charlie why I broke my hand was easier than having the light wake him up and _then _explaining why I broke my hand anyway with the lamp on.

By the time I made this decision, I only tripped once, and no other thoughts were spared the time to dwell upon.

It just happened.

Normally, I couldn't handle the idea of being watched when I'm half naked, so I would head to the bathroom whenever I planned to change. It was more comfortable and whoever was the guest understood, which, in this case, was Alice.

I stripped out of my t-shirt and boy shorts with an unusual confidence sparking in my blood, with nothing but my black, cotton panties on and a shirt held up against my bare chest.

Despite it being seventy degrees outside – according to the weather channel – I still felt the awful effects of the air conditioner when I was greeted by cold air. It was difficult to shield the trembling, yet I made no plan to put my clothes back on. I, instead, turned my attention back to the young girl before me, whose head was tilted away.

"Look at me, Alice," I demanded.

She sat with her knees up to her jaw, similar to my previous position, only she had the ability to linger on without moving.

"Please," I added when I received no reply. It appeared to work, though, as a few seconds passed by and I was brought into another trance by the sight of her eyes.

They weren't the same eyes I remembered. They were hard and sharp, almost pained… like a secret hidden deep in her very core, and I was supposed to reach out into her soul and find it.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" I breathed out, suddenly growing very tense. It wasn't exactly an everyday thing to reveal your almost nude body to the person who supposedly felt nothing for you.

Supposedly.

"Bella," Alice sighed. She eyed me for what seemed like a split second, gaze never traveling lower than my face before looking away. And as she shut her eyes, she inhaled slowly, a habit that only occurred when there was a vision coming up.

"I don't know," she stated honestly.

"You… don't know if –"

"No," she uttered. I found it slightly strange that she could answer what I hadn't even made a decision to say. "I don't know why I nearly kissed you."

So that was it, then. All I wanted was a complete and straightforward explanation, and this was what I got. Honesty that was just as painful as the first time.

"Don't you understand?" asked Alice. I snapped my attention back to her at the sound of her voice, my awful attempts to conceal any stray tears failing miserably. "Don't you? I mean, this entire time, I tried to deny it. I tried to pretend that these changes were just temporary, and ignoring them would be the best option.

"But I can't. I feel things, Bella. Things that I shouldn't be feeling and it's because of you," she went on, coming to a halt after the constant motion from one end of the room to the other, only to disappear.

I didn't waste my time searching for her like most people would do if they had just recently discovered the existence of vampires. If she was gone, she was gone; probably halfway through Canada by now. Or her vanishing was temporary for the night, and it was five seconds later that she stood in front of me, causing my instincts to fear the suddenness of her reappearance.

In the end, it was the basis of my falling down, shirt a few feet away from my body sprawled on the ground. Either I was much slower than I recently claimed myself to be when it came to reflexes, or I didn't have the will to pick it up and cover myself.

It honestly didn't matter when Alice was merely two inches away.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" she whispered. Her cold breath tickled my earlobe, traveling down the side of my neck where my pulse was most likely throbbing violently.

My breathing was shallow and wild, yet I managed to hold her gaze, gaining the courage to say, "How can I?"

It was all that was needed to take the next step up the stairs.

Before I could even think twice about what was happening, a deep shudder rippled along my stomach within contact of Alice's hand. All breathing came to an abrupt halt despite the need for air, and I watched, silently, as she traced the tips of her fingers across exposed skin.

They were feather light touches, strokes that barely left the sensation of actually being touched. Yet they were painful, sending an inestimable amount of commotion coursing through my core and fire that launched my heart into a frenzy.

I could bet anyone a million dollars that I was about to face cardiac arrest.

No words were spoken. They weren't needed. All it took was a meaningful glance toward the other, one that held the proposal and the other that gave the permission. And when she winked and smiled to assure that everything was going to be okay, there was no uncertainty.

At least none on my side.

I arched my back against the feel of her lips, hard but soft all at once with the trail she left on my neck. Hands were still focused on the heated flesh of my waist, but I could feel them moving; feel her thumb press down my side and gently circle the tender skin.

Each kiss emitted a quiet whimper from my throat, combining with the pants of our heavy breathing that eventually grew harder when one leg was thrown over my waist, and the other remained in its place so she could straddle me.

I wanted to moan.

It was a humiliating thought, and actually performing it would've taken more than just confidence, but also a moment that would leave me blushing. But Alice appeared to have noticed my resistance, because soon she began kissing my neckline, momentarily distracting me from the hand that was following the path up my curves, approaching my left breast.

The minute I felt her lightly brush my hardened nipple, I stopped breathing altogether. And when she finally cupped my breast with that single hand, my moan only escaped as a vibration against Alice's full lips.

I shifted slightly against her strong hold, the fabric of her clothes only intensifying the single most annoying tension deriving from between my legs. With only a thin layer of cloth to shield me away from Alice's _fully clothed_ figure, I was about to go insane.

Literally.

She took hold of my hands before I could reach out and touch her, emitting a whimper of protest from my throat. I shuddered at the sound of her chuckle and decided to just let her have her way with me as she raised my arms over my head, locking both of my hands together and interlacing our fingers. With one arm draped over my head, she used her spare hand to brush my hair aside, then parted her lips and actually _purred _when her tongue met the tender portion of my neck.

I drowned myself in that sound, the heat igniting in my stomach and pooling down my center. My eyes quickly snapped shut and, tilting my head back for better access, I cried out as she nibbled at my skin, swirling her tongue around my jaw and lower.

My neck became a constant target. She would kiss the sensitive skin just after kissing my lips, sucking on it and outlining the vague contour of my pulse with her teeth.

Wait.

Teeth?

"Alice," I whimpered. If anything, one thing that I was positive about was to _never _run from vampires when they're in their predatory state. And with the way Alice continued to play with my neck, this wasn't an exception.

I was scared.

"Alice," I tried again, only louder and it seemed to work. She let go of my hands and pulled away, eyes closed and body trembling slightly, and it scared me even more to see her so… vulnerable. "You should hunt," I added, warily.

"I'm sorry," she said and shook her head. "I just – your blood…"

"I understand," I added, donning a weak smile, and gently urged her again. "Just go."

The darkening of her eyes was apparent when she opened them, and so was the gratitude smoldering like flames. "When Charlie speaks to you, don't give in," she said, confusing me with the sudden mention of my dad and the unclear warning.

"What?"

But she didn't go any further.

It wasn't like she wouldn't want to come back. That was something I didn't know, and something I probably wouldn't _want _to know. But it was late, late enough for training to be over with and it wasn't possible to have both Edward and Alice in the same room.

I would slip.

So I just let her go like I always did, watching as she handed me back my shirt and headed toward the window, where she disappeared into the night.

And I watched.

Just like I always did.

* * *

I didn't know what to think when I went downstairs to find the kitchen light on. It was nearly two o' clock in the morning, and the idea that Charlie may have come back early from work hadn't crossed my mind until seeing him for myself searching through the refrigerator.

"Hey, Dad," I greeted him, any thoughts of the kitchen light vanishing, but only to be replaced by Alice once again. I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my lips, like a peppy schoolgirl who just received a phone call from her crush.

My situation was incomparable.

"You seem happy," Charlie concluded. I must have dazed off again if I didn't hear him say 'hello' back. "You realize it's still dark outside? What've you been up to?"

"Oh… you know. Same old, same old," I told him with another smile. He eyed me suspiciously, as if I looked absolutely ridiculous with my unusual ecstatic mood. Apparently he didn't see the difference between a girl who's happy because she just aced a test and a girl who discovered that Alice Cullen has feelings for her.

I started giggling.

"You're scaring me, Bells. Try not to keep the joy for so long," he said, his tone taking on a more serious note. I stopped. "I have some news for you."

I didn't like the way his facial features changed. It was similar to the time he told me my bird died when I was ten, and that it was now in a happier place, which, years later, I learned was the sewer.

I didn't like it at all.

"Yeah?" I urged him, suppressing a shiver when he let out a sigh. That was never a good sign.

"Things aren't going so well in Forks," he explained, taking a seat in front of the table. I followed his route. "Two of your classmates were murdered tonight, and three others have been missing over the past few days. We're not expecting it to get any better."

There was something about the way Charlie spoke that worsened the fear. It was all over the newspapers – about the kids from my school that have gone missing, and others that were random strangers from Port Angeles that were brutally killed and tortured. I knew it was Victoria, but she wasn't what worried me at the moment.

Why was he telling me this?

"Forks isn't a safe place anymore," Charlie continued quietly, avoiding eye contact. "I care about you, Bells. I can't even bear the thought of you as… a victim. I can't. It's just not safe for you anymore."

"Dad, what're you –"

"I talked to Renee this morning while you were at school," he interrupted, stirring another wave of unease. My parents rarely ever spoke to each other. "And," he went on, hands folded neatly in front of him. "We decided it would be best if you went back to Phoenix to live with her and Phil."

I stared at him, every single thought and worry I had previously now vanishing in thin air. There was only shock, complete and utter hysteria silently making its way through my body, forcing it to become numb.

"Dad," I repeated calmly, trapping the panic before it could make matters worse. "Maybe you should just… _think_ about what you're saying before –"

"We've already made our decision."

That did it.

"You can't do that!" I shouted, standing up. "Dad, please. Forks is my home! You can't just send me away after everything I've been through! What about my friends? School?"

"You had all of that in Phoenix," he pointed out.

"And do you really think I enjoy the change? Moving around all the time and becoming the new girl again?" I said irritably. "I love it here, Dad. For once it my life, I actually feel _normal_. Happy. I have my memories here. I have you, Jacob, Angela, Mike, Jessica, Alice –"

Oh God.

Alice.

This was what she was trying to tell me. She saw this coming. She saw Charlie's decision of sending me back to Phoenix, and she wanted me to stop it. She wanted me to stay.

I felt the tears begin to arrive, washing away my clear image of Alice's face. "Please," I uttered, walking over so I could stand in front of Charlie. "Please. Let me stay, Dad. I won't do anything stupid. I'll come straight home every day after school. I won't even leave to go on a date if that makes you happy. Why don't I just stay with the Cullens? They can protect me. I mean, who in their right mind would want to face Emmett?"

"No," Charlie declared, shaking his head. "Have you gone insane? There's no way in hell I'm leaving you alone with that _boy._"

Of course he was talking about Edward. It was always about Edward.

"I can stay in someone else's house," I suggested. I was running out of ideas. "You're at work half the time. I'd be safer if there was someone watching over me."

Charlie's eyes lingered on me, catching my gaze and holding it for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. His expression was thoughtful, which gave me hope that maybe I was able to get to him.

"I'll think about it," he said.

"You mean I can stay with the Cullens?"

"No," he stated again, though more amusingly than before. "I'll have a talk with your mom again. Billy included," he informed me, and stood up from his chair.

"Billy?" I was relieved, yet I raised my eyebrow at him questionably, his words slowly sinking in.

"You're going to La Push."


	16. Chapter 15

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** K

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

The end of the school year was quickly approaching for Forks High School, and not only did that mean final exams and both students and teachers tripping over books and review sheets – literally – but graduation, too. For the seniors, at least, along with college applications and stress that could cause any student to jump off a five story building.

But of course it was always different for one other person, where the school could suddenly blow up and that certain somebody would care more about finding a shiny penny on the floor or staining a favorite shirt with spaghetti sauce.

Who would've thought that person would be me?

"Hey, Bella! Wanna sit with us at lunch?" Mike asked one day while I was rummaging through a locker crammed with worthless supplies. It didn't help much when most of those supplies were textbooks that the teachers refused to take off my hands until the last few days of school.

"Sorry, Mike. I'm skipping lunch for today," I said and gave him a weak smile in return.

"You realize there's still two weeks left?" he pointed out.

"I know," I uttered. It wasn't like I didn't have the day written on my calendar. "Just getting it out of the way."

He nodded in understanding. "That's cool. You know, I should probably do the same. But I was meaning to ask you… you think –"

"Hey Mike. Bella, talk. Now." I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or confused when Alice suddenly showed up, but I should say I was close to aggravated when she closed my locker before I could say another word.

I grabbed my bag and handed Mike an apologetic shrug as my body lurched back and I reluctantly followed the raven-haired pixie into the restroom. It was empty, not that its desolation served as good news.

"You know, a simple 'go away' would've worked, too," I told Alice, eyeing her as she double checked to make sure there was no one hiding in the stalls.

"Not when 'go away' actually means 'will you go out with me?' in Mike Newton's language," she said. I calmly chuckled at the truthfulness of her words, but didn't get the chance to add a joke of my own.

"Hey! Give that back!" I tried to snatch my bag back before she could tug it away, but, as usual, I continued to underestimate the speed of a vampire.

"You, my very devious friend, are in so much trouble."

"What're you talking about?" I asked, knowing _exactly _what she was referring to.

"This." And she held up what I've been trying to hide for the past six and a half hours; a pamphlet I picked up for a few apartment homes for rent. "I'm giving you five seconds and I want a thorough answer."

A thorough answer? Hah. All I could do was look away and look through my scattered thoughts for the right explanation. It wasn't too hard to figure out what the brochure was for. Heck, even a five year old was capable of understanding that I wanted my own apartment in Port Angeles; one where I could be independent and declare it as my home. Too bad I couldn't say it out loud.

"Why you sneaky little human," Alice muttered.

"I am not!" I proclaimed, pouting. "I was going to tell you!"

"When? _After _you could fool us into thinking you were at La Push when, in fact, you're living right next to the pack of vampires that are hunting you down?"

"It's not like that," I stated.

"Then feel free to clarify."

My frown deepened. "I'm eighteen, Alice."

She scoffed. "Right, and then when I visit you, you'd be dead because you fell down the stairs. Imagine if Victoria was the one that pushed you."

I opened my mouth to reply, then closed it when it dawned on me that I had nothing to say. I felt utterly pathetic thinking it, but that actually _was _a possibility. Probably in my top one hundred list of the different ways Victoria could kill me if I went on with my plan.

"Look, I know you hate being told what to do. But he's your father, Bella. He knows what's best for you," Alice went on.

"And what do _you _think is best for me?" I asked. "I mean, just a few weeks ago, staying in La Push was out of the question."

"Yes," Alice agreed, handing me back my book bag, though she kept the pamphlet. "And now we know what the wolves are capable of. You're safe there. We've already talked about this."

I couldn't summon up the will to nod or act through any type of gesture, for that matter, so I calmly walked over to a nearby sink and leaned against it. I still refused to acknowledge the information, considering it was one of the most terrifying days of my life when the rest of the Cullens discovered Charlie's decision.

Another meeting was held in their household not even twenty four hours after Charlie confirmed it. And with these meetings, there was always an Edward to resist the idea, a Carlisle to act civil, an Alice to agree, and a Bella to fight over her own freedom to choose.

All in all, only a china table and a plasma TV shattered that night.

When the pack was placed into the situation, well… I wasn't quite there during the debate. And I was more than happy to not greet them with my presence.

"You know," I murmured. "Jacob's probably the friendliest of the bunch." I didn't flat out snitch on my best friend, but by the tone of my voice, I made sure Alice could see the message behind it.

"I know," Alice stated casually, surprising me. "Make sure to pack up a rolled up newspaper in case he tries anything. That's the best way to teach a dog new tricks."

I grinned, though it wasn't noticeable when I gazed into the mirror and looked at Alice's reflection. She didn't meet my eye and I took it as the right moment to say something.

"We need to talk," I pronounced and turned around to face her.

"I know," she repeated.

They were the same words she said whenever I was about to bring the subject up, and every time it would seem fate would tear apart the opportunity. I wasn't going to let the opening go this time, however.

"I'll be packing after school," I said, hesitantly. "I could use the help. We can talk there."

Alice nodded and proceeded in changing the subject. "Anything else you would like, master?" she added, jokingly.

"Yeah. My pamphlet."

"Not gonna happen," she stated, smirking.

I sulked. "You're so mean."

"I have to be if it keeps you from killing yourself."

* * *

Charlie was still at work by the time I arrived home, just as I suspected. I was left alone when Alice claimed she had to go back to her house for something, and I took her word that she'd come back to help. What I didn't believe was that she'd spare a few minutes for that conversation I wanted.

Even though living with Charlie was still slightly awkward to deal with, I grew attached to the house after living in it for over a year. Besides packing for the move from Phoenix, collecting my possessions for this move was the hardest yet. I wasn't certain of the days I'd be spending away from home. All I could do was fill my luggage until it was full and that alone proved to be harder than I thought.

It began in my room. After dumping clothes after clothes to pile up on my bed, I was able to place two shirts and a pair of jeans inside my bag until I realized I couldn't choose what to bring.

I saw a clean towel and went for that, but then spotted my laptop by the table and couldn't decide where it could fit. My box of photo albums continued to lie beneath the bed and I pondered my options.

In the end, after ten minutes of standing in the middle of the room doing absolutely nothing, I took a break from my mental break down and went to the kitchen for something to eat.

I was in the middle of making myself a sandwich when Alice came in through the window. The kitchen window.

"Now, I'm pretty sure my bedroom window's the only one unlocked in the entire house," I said as she took a seat next to the entrance.

"Considering I just climbed through that one, that can't be true," Alice pointed out. I merely shrugged and opened the fridge for a drink, only to scowl when I noticed the last coke was gone. "Whatya doing?"

"Looking for the last coke can," I uttered. Damn. All there was left was some of Charlie's nasty lemonade. "I'm starving."

"That's what you get for skipping lunch," Alice teased.

"I might've had time to get some fries if someone hadn't kept me against my will," I threw back, smiling despite the fact there was no soda left. I sat on the table across from Alice and had a bite out of my belated lunch. Though there was an extra pair of eyes watching me, I was too hungry to really care.

"So," Alice began. "What did you want to talk about?"

I came to a halt with the sandwich halfway in my mouth. All thoughts on satisfying my craving vanished like a rabbit disappearing from a hat. I placed it back onto the plate and stared at it for a bit longer than necessary.

"You know what."

Alice shrugged, but didn't say anything.

"Well, you know…" I whispered, the anxiety I didn't think I would experience coming back to bite me. "About… _us_."

It was too quiet to relax against my seat and actually mull over what I wanted to say. In fact, it was so quiet, I would've much rather take off and race over to La Push with open arms.

"What would you like me to say?" she asked.

"This isn't about me, Alice," I reminded her. "I just… want to know what we are at this point. What _you _think we are."

"Bella," Alice sighed. I didn't take her hesitation as a good sign. "What happened that night… it can't happen again."

It took me a moment to understand what she was talking about, and when it finally came to mind, all I had in me was a 'huh?'

"It shouldn't have happened," she clarified. "I wasn't thinking. You have to realize how difficult it is to control your instincts as a vampire. I almost _bit _you –"

"But you didn't," I added. Almost was the key word.

"I didn't," she agreed. "But we were both lucky that time. Any further and –"

"I know," I interrupted again, more out of not wanting to hear her exact words than saying them myself. "I could become like you."

Alice, having observed me as I spoke, turned away with a sort of regretful expression that I utterly hated to see on her. I wasn't certain of what caused it, but the most blatant answer was because of my desire to be turned and, once again, I had no choice in the matter.

"Is this about Edward and Jasper?" I questioned, hoping to switch from the vampire conversation. "They _don't _have to know."

"I can't do that to Jasper," she answered. It was like déjà vu all over again. "And Edward's my brother. I love them both."

I tried not to cringe at hearing the 'l' word, but failed miserably. It was so hard keeping my emotions inside and even harder trying to hide them from a certain Cullen who could actually feel them as well.

"Just give me time," said Alice when it became evident that I wasn't going to respond. It was too painful to do anything, really. "Please. Let it all progress. At least until this whole situation with Victoria dies down."

I nodded to show her I understood when, in truth, it was taking every ounce of my self control to prevent the hot tears from prickling my eyes. "So I guess this means no dates with candles and music, huh?" It was the best I could do to heighten the mood.

Alice smiled softly. "Why, I didn't think you liked romantic settings."

"Oh, shut up," I scoffed and looked down toward the floor, where my shoes suddenly became fascinating and disrupted any thoughts of gaining something greater than friendship with Alice. I suppose I should've been pleased. Hell, even thrilled of knowing that all I needed was time and little push in the right direction. But that was just it.

It was only two nights ago when I was nearly certain that I had her, and it didn't matter of who else would be pulled into the pit. That night now seemed like a century ago.

"What's it going to take to cheer you up?" demanded Alice. I didn't notice her small frame kneeling beside me until I felt her chin placed up on my knee.

"I'm okay," I lied and tried to prove it with a weak smile.

Alice rolled her eyes. "On second thought, force may do."

And before I could question the bizarreness of her statement, I released a yelp as she reached out for my sides. I scraped my chair back to add some distance from her touch, but it served as useless as she pounced on me and tugged both of us to the floor.

"What –" Another surprised gasp and soon I was giggling as Alice's slim fingers roamed around my waist, tickling me until tears began slithering down my cheeks and I was – much to my disappointment – at her mercy.

It didn't help to know she was far stronger than me. Even if my hands weren't rammed against the floor, I couldn't push her off, almost as if she weighed more than she looked. I was able to roll on top of Alice before she proceeded in going for a different area and the laughter slowly died off, along with any other movements.

"What? No kiss for my hard work?" Alice pointed out, grinning at me as I tried to catch my breath.

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that step two or something?"

I guess the day was full of surprises. I watched as she casually leaned over and placed a chaste kiss in the corner of my lips, and then pulled back to lie beside me. I continued to face the ceiling while a familiar warmth spread across my chest and faded throughout the silence.

It was peaceful despite the pain brought by having your back against a tiled floor. But it was nice. Almost enough to distract my mind from what I had to do in a few hours.

"I'll miss you," I whispered. I didn't know where the words came from, but judging by Alice's face, they were the right ones.

"Me too," she uttered and took my hand in hers. "But I want you to promise me something, Bella."

I tilted my head to the side and faced her, mulling over the possibilities.

"Don't go off on your own. No matter what happens, stay within the border."

It wasn't a request I couldn't fulfill. I wasn't planning on sneaking behind anyone's back but Charlie's, and both the Cullens and the pack knew that already. I wasn't going to be having any late night visits, nor could I leave without letting someone know first, but I was allowed to visit the Cullens as long as one of them was willing to take me. It just wouldn't be as often as before.

I faintly nodded in understanding as well as declaring it as my response. And then we lay there for the rest of time; not talking, not moving. Just soaking in the pleasure of each other's company.


	17. Chapter 16

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **Ugh. Writing is such a fucking pain these days. But I promise you guys, I _will _finish this story, even if I have snap all of my teachers' necks just so they wouldn't have to give me a shitload of work to do. I've had the epilogue planned out for a while and I'm not about to give it up.

* * *

I paid a visit to the only hospital available in Forks before making my way to La Push. It was on Charlie's behalf, in fact. His decision, and not even as I stood firm on my two feet about how the entire arrangement was unnecessary could overturn his judgment. Turns out I was right after all.

I was doing fine, according to Doctor Scott. I would've been pleased with the news if he hadn't said those same words to me five days ago. They weren't new news. I knew I was adapting to life in Forks with awareness I didn't have the day I first woke up here. The only good thing of having it repeated to me was the additional information they seemingly left out from my previous visits.

Apparently I didn't have to go to a mental facility. It went through the guy's mouth like a list of random words concerning the human anatomy, so all I really got out of him was how I was doing too well to chance some sort of mental breakdown. To me, I think they were all just too stupid to see what was really going on with me.

But to be honest, it was actually a relief. What more could a girl want after discovering she wasn't about to be surrounded by doctors on a mission to snap her out of killing herself? Bless Charlie for not pushing it.

They handed me another prescription to add to my growing – and probably goldmine – collection. Worth it or not, I didn't see how I could keep track of the dozen or so pill bottles stashed away in my bag, currently waiting in the back seat of Charlie's police cruiser.

I spotted Carlisle on my way out of the hospital. After the last Cullen meeting, it was slightly awkward between us, or, at least, with me. He was always so down to earth that the only person who could really sense what was going on with him was Jasper, and he had his way of cheating.

"Good morning, Bella. How are you feeling?" he had asked as I attempted to sneak pass his watchful gaze. Ugh. Stupid vampires and their stupid abilities.

I made sure Charlie was still speaking to the nurse before responding. It was nice seeing him interacting with another woman that wasn't me, especially now that I wouldn't be there to keep him company. Though, when I thought about it, I couldn't really summon an image of him 'dating' anyone. It was just too weird.

"Good… I guess," I answered shyly, keeping my head low. The conversation had already drifted off to unusual and awkward, considering Carlisle normally went straight to the point. "You?"

He chuckled softly, easing up my uptight stance. "I'm fine. Thank you." I nodded to show my gesture of a 'you're welcome' without actually saying it and shifted my attention to the edges of my shirt, which had immediately caught my fascination. They were ripped. Who knew?

"I assume Edward has filled you in on the boundaries of La Push?" he proceeded with casualty. Ahh. There's the old Carlisle.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Well… not exactly. Alice did. I haven't spoken to Edward since the meeting." I left out the part about how grateful I was for the space, knowing – judging by instinct and common sense – that it would only lead to suspicion.

No matter how much I wanted everyone to know about my feelings for Alice, I understood why it needed to be kept to ourselves for the time being, even if it was slowly killing me inside.

"How strange…" Carlisle mumbled, more to himself than to me. "Was he not with you yesterday? He didn't come home after school."

I shook my head. "No," and, attempting to hide my blush, I said, "I was with Alice yesterday. She was helping me pack."

_After she crushed my heart for, what? The fifteenth time? _I added, bitterly.

"Well, that explains her absence," he drawled, a touch – or maybe even more – of curiosity shadowed in his tone. "You and Alice have been very close lately."

My eyes widened for a split second, a wave of fear rising in my chest, but I quickly recovered and stared at Carlisle with the best calm expression I could come up with. "She's just been great, you know? I kind of forgot what it's like to have a best friend."

He chuckled. "That's Alice for you." He didn't seem to notice the extra resentment as I uttered 'friend,' for which I was thankful for, yet I couldn't shake the feeling that Carlisle was still skeptical.

"Yeah," I agreed wholeheartedly, nodding my head to emphasis my point. "That's Alice." And never in my life have I ever been so happy to have Charlie interrupt a conversation then I was right then and there.

What perfect timing.

* * *

After saying my goodbyes to Charlie – all the while responding to his 'call me if you need anything' and 'be safe, Bells' speeches – I met up with Jacob at around 9 am.

Way too early with only two weeks before finals.

I was happy to see him. I really was. It had been weeks since we could hang out like we used to; as best friends and, well, as my savior. Our friendship had always stayed intact within my memory and I would never forget it. Ever. I would always love him for shedding the light back into my life when I needed it. And that was just it.

I loved him. But it wasn't the kind of love I knew he wanted.

His temper hadn't completely faded ever since the Cullens came back. He could only be himself when it was just the two of us or, really, when it was vampireless. His mood was always altered in the presence of my second family, and especially – _especially – _whenever I mentioned Edward.

Lucky for him, I was more than happy to talk about anything else.

"Hey there, Shorty." He grinned as he accepted my hug, which was rather big in my perspective. "Missed me that much?"

I snorted in response. Can you believe this guy? I see him for five seconds and he's already taunting me with our size difference. "Shut it, or I'll smack you with this overloaded bag I have."

"Is that your way of saying you need me to carry that thing?"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't _need _you to do anything. But since you asked." I shoved the bag into his resistant hands, earning myself a smug grin. "It's all yours."

* * *

The room was smaller than what I had back in Forks, and probably a third the size of my room in Phoenix. Not much to consume my awe, but it was homey. Kind of. I wouldn't be expecting any vampires to crawl through the window. For one, there wasn't a window at all.

It was more like a shack than anything else, demolished and built back up with white walls and new flooring. That should explain the strong scent of fresh paint permeating through the hallways. I wasn't too fond of discovering the reason for coating everything up.

There was one bathroom in the entire house, much like Charlie's. I told myself I should've been used to sharing among men with little sense of hygiene, but Jake… he's a mechanist and a werewolf. As soon as I told him that, he promised he'd dirty up the tiled floors just so I'd remember him while I'm taking a shower.

I smacked him for that, which did absolutely nothing for my self esteem when I only hurt myself.

I was pretty much okay with everything else; no TV, no computer, no other food in the kitchen but fish and an expired box of cereal on top of the fridge – I made a mental note to shop for groceries whenever I had the chance. It was just me, a pack of werewolves, and the few books I brought from home.

No vampire.

The thought was both relieving and depressing.

My clothes were scattered all over the twin size bed I was given when Jake greeted me with his presence again. Despite my extreme discontent in folding one shirt at a time and placing it neatly in the closet, I ignored him and narrowed my attention on what I was doing. Either he didn't notice my sour mood or he chose to disregard it.

"Oh, come on, Bells. You know I was only kidding," he said once the silence exceeded past ten seconds.

"Uh huh," was my response. I really had to learn when to not say anything at all.

"What happened to the Bella I used to know? The one who didn't take things so seriously?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

"Guess your temper's still there."

"I don't _have _a temper!" Furious eyes snapped in his direction, and all I got out of it was an amused expression. It was infuriating! If only I could've just… just clawed it off his face. That'd show him just how ticked I could get. "What do you want?"

He simply shrugged, but I knew him well enough to know it was meaningless gesture to annoy me even further. "I was gonna ask if you wanted take a walk or something. Like old times. But since you're _so _busy –"

"I'll get my coat," I said, in which I then received a look of confusion from Jake. "What?"

He shook his head, a hint of a smile faintly tracing his lips. "Lead the way."

* * *

It took a while to get used to it, but after that, it felt like home. The beach was like some foreign place I've seen in an Indies movie, alien, yet familiar. I could actually taste the bitter tang of saltwater soaking through my tongue, and hear the quiet rush of the ocean out in the distance.

It was like déjà vu all over again, only this time, I knew what I was getting myself into. My life was already intertwined with mystical creatures I believed never existed, so what was the harm in hanging out with a bunch of immature werewolves?

Oh. Right.

Somehow, I let Jake lead the way when I was asked to do so, and, somehow, we ended up in Emily's house instead of the beach like we had planned. I could wait. I mean, it wasn't like I was in desperate need to go out when I accepted Jake's offer. I just… wasn't expecting a surprise party.

That's right. A surprise party. I could've _sworn_ I mentioned how much I hate surprises. I mean, it was pretty obvious.

"Cheer up, Bella. You're chillin' with us now. That's the greatest thing that could ever happen."

_Nah. It's the worst._

I gave Quil the best glare I could attain through my irritable mood. Now, this is a first, but I wasn't entirely pissed off at Jake, considering he was only trying to make me feel at home. It was those two slightly less annoying versions of Emmett that were doing the job, Embry and Quil.

"Leave the poor girl alone. She's had enough to deal with for a day." I shifted my attention to the female voice, giving Emily a grateful smile for the help. She returned it with a smile of her own.

"Hey, Em! Is the food ready yet?"

"Twenty more minutes, guys!" she called.

There was a series of low groans, which eventually turned into the usual separate conversations booming through the living room. The desperation for something to eat was kind of entertaining in a way, although I refused to show any evidence of my amusement.

Having caught my heated gaze from across the room, Jake playfully held a pillow in front of him and peaked from the side, feigning a fearful expression.

I couldn't help but laugh at his lighthearted nature, eliciting a chuckle from him as well.

"He's a good boy," Emily said through all the noise, taking a seat beside me. "His personality shines when he's with rest of us. It's good for him."

I smirked. "That's only when you don't set him off."

"Hm… he has his moments. You just have to be gentle with him. Like a puppy."

"A really big puppy," I added.

"He's rather big. Yes." She giggled and I followed her eyes to the large couch in the living room, where three of the wolves were jokingly tackling the other in their human forms, Jacob among them. "He's crazy about you, you know."

The sudden change in topic was more unexpected than the subject itself. "I know," I whispered. I didn't really care if she heard me or not. I could barely summon up the strength to say anything at all.

"I know him almost as much as I know myself. All of them, in fact. He's family to me," she continued softly. "I don't know whether you're leading him on –"

"What? No." I was taken aback by her presumption; absolutely _shocked _to think I could ever do such a thing. "Emily, I would never do that to him. I love Jake," I told her, truthfully. "I just –"

"You just love the vampire more," she finished for me. "Edward, is it?"

I was silent for several seconds, a disapproving frown enveloping my features. Something in me - a yearning, of a sort - burst out and it literally took much of my strength to shove it back in. "Yeah. That's him."

* * *

Ironically, I received a call from Edward not even five minutes after my conversation with Emily. I had no idea how the Cullens were able to get the number to La Push. Hell, I didn't even know a phone existed here. But I guess it didn't matter when Jake was the one that answered the phone.

Let's just say his mood was soured when he was asked to pass the phone to me.

I tried to ignore the fact that there were about ten other people surrounding me. Can I say awkward? But it was easy when I was speaking to Edward, because that was even more awkward. I don't know why, but the fluency in our chats just weren't… _there _anymore.

He asked me how I was, if I was happy and if I was being treated right. Basically everything that did not make Jake any happier. But I think the main reason he decided to contact me was for the other warning – I couldn't go with them to the training field.

Just to keep the peace between the two groups that were trying to protect me, I didn't resist, even if I did want to go. I ended the call before Jake could reach for the phone and thoroughly examined him to make sure he wasn't going to kill anyone once they left.

He was all right, according to what I saw.

So, here I was, helping Emily wash the dishes as I waited for morning to come. That's when the phone rang again.

"I'll get it," I told her, placing a hand on her shoulder to stop her from leaving the kitchen. She only nodded and went back to scrubbing the pot in her hands.

The ringing continued as I made my way to the table near the front door, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"What is it this time?" I practically seethed.

There was an intake of breath on the other line, followed by a, "Is that really any way to answer the phone, Bella? Or am I that special case?"

My heart nearly sprang right out of my chest as soon as I realized who it was. "Alice?"

"Who else would you be expecting?"

I took the phone and held it to my left ear, only to realize it wouldn't be as comfortable and put it in its original spot. "No one. Well… I guess Edward. He called a few hours ago."

"What does my pig head of a brother want now?"

"Want_ed_… It shouldn't matter now, anyway. All he has to do is insist and I can't do anything about it when I'm basically in forbidden territory."

A pause. "Is this a bad time?"

I sighed. "Of course not. I mean – maybe. No – I was actually helping someone clean up – but… not for you –" Kill me. Please. I could've slammed the phone right through my head if it wasn't such a gruesome way to die.

There was laughter on the other line to worsen my awkward state. Where's Victoria when you need her? "You're just too cute when you stutter."

Flushing, I shifted my feet against the floor and stared downward, unsure of what to say.

"Your heart's racing. I can hear it."

Okay. Change of subject. "How can you be talking me? Shouldn't you be training right now?"

"Technically, yes. But vampires need breaks, too. I decided to use mine to talk to you."

I smiled. "I feel special."

"You should. Do you have any idea what it took me to steal this number from Edward?"

"A few seconds of your time to copy it off his phonebook?" I guessed.

"Actually, it was a post-it, but you were close."

Laughing, I realized that we were both sharing a brief moment where, for those few seconds, we could forget about the dilemma that would potentially destroy the relationships around us, and laugh at a simple joke like there wasn't a single problem in the world.

It was a relief; a burden off my back and I could honestly say it was worth the rush of sudden comprehension that came afterward. I sat there with a feeling of hopelessness sinking right through my chest, one of the negatives of talking to Alice.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, keeping my voice in check. I didn't notice my eyes were stinging until it was too late. "How's Charlie?"

"He's still at work. Jasper and Emmett will be watching over him when he gets back," she answered. "Are you sure you're all right? You sound like you're crying."

"I said I'm fine," I muttered, much fiercer than I had intended to. The overwhelming combination of anger and confusion sent my temper tipping over the edge. "I should get going. Dishes aren't going to wash themselves."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean –"

"No, Alice. You didn't. I just – I'd rather –" I bit my tongue to keep from saying anything else. "I'll see you soon."

After saying our goodbyes and whatnot, I hung up and stood by the front door for the next few minutes, pondering the conversation with as much enthusiasm as a rock. That is to say… I was sulking.

Not long after that – or, at least, I thought so – Emily found me curled up as far as possible against the corner of the couch. I wanted to be alone, yet I couldn't help but appreciate her company.

"Want to talk about it?" she questioned.

I shook my head, never making eye contact. "You wouldn't understand."

From an angle, I could see that she shrugged and pointed her gaze to the coffee table in front of us. I was too tired to care much for being this close to spilling out the truth, and, knowing it was nearly two in the morning, the thought only made it worst.

"I wouldn't say that. I mean, I wouldn't say I could completely relate and sympathize, but I know a bit more than you think. The girl you were speaking to, for example. I could guess it's one of the two female vampires, and since you don't get along with the blonde one, my only other option is the short one.

"You seem happier when you talk to her… more so than you do with your mate. Whatever's on your mind probably involves the two of them. Maybe more," she continued, carefully laying out the few details she could figure out, leaving me stunned. "Try me."

Somehow, I felt bitter about not having noticed Emily as the observing type; someone who listens and understands. After everything I've gone through, I despised psychologists. Psychiatrists. Counselors. Whatever. Basically people who were paid to pretend to listen and give the same advice to anyone they came across.

Obviously Emily wasn't like that, considering she was offering to help by choice. But I felt like I could trust her, like there was something worthwhile in our experiences that were linked together. She dealt with these kinds of things before… with Sam and Leah.

And looking pass all of it, there was this gnawing _need_ in the pit of my stomach to let it all out; to share it with someone who'd understand and try to help, just so I wouldn't be the only one.

I released a trembling breath, shaking my head of all other barriers that were telling me otherwise. "Where should I start?"


	18. Chapter 17

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating: **K+

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **I'm so sorry it took this long guys. I suffered from writer's block for a while and, even after having written half of this chapter for nearly a month, I couldn't force myself to continue. I think I'm back on track, though :) I'm keeping my promise.

* * *

I found an old journal while I was rearranging the rest of my things. It didn't look familiar at all, so I was sure it didn't belong to me, and considering I had found it hidden well in the far corner of my 'closet,' I assumed it was Jacob's.

I couldn't stop myself from smiling at the thought of Jake owning a diary for his non-werewolf secrets. When I showed it to him, he only laughed and said a man like him wouldn't be carrying around something so unmanly. Yeah, what a manly man he was.

The pages were blank and ceased to have a single mark written anywhere – not even a name. The front cover was torn and grimy from the time it sat in the dust, but when I trailed my fingers slowly across the faded design, I could still make out the complexity of the pattern. I figured I might as well keep it. I didn't exactly have the luxury of technology to spill my thoughts on.

So, that explained why I was sitting alone on my bed, staring blankly at the first page of my newfound journal and waiting out the time until I felt tired enough to lie down and drift into a comfortable sleep – nothing to distract me.

That proved to be much harder than I previously thought. I was never one for journalism and seeing how much has happened to me in the past few months, summoning up an idea to put on paper was considerably impossible.

I chewed on the end of my pen, unconsciously lingering on the past few days and halting on the single memory that I was purposely trying to avoid. Blocking it out was the main problem, but for the last two hours, I had the tendency to replay broken clips and it was literally driving me insane.

Now it just seemed like my mind was attempting to relive the whole thing.

"_You can have Chinese or Mexican. Now stop trying to distract me. It isn't working," Alice scolded, the impatience feigned through a well placed expression, but I was always good at reading her eyes. She was trying hard not to laugh._

"_I just don't see what the problem is with Italian," I explained. Oddly enough, I had this great disdain for tacos at the moment, and I wasn't in the mood for Chinese._

"_Italian involves pizza, and that's all you've had for three days."_

"_Not true," I corrected her. "I had fish yesterday."_

"_And what did you have the day before?" Alice asked knowingly._

_I opened my mouth for another excuse, but she held up a hand and I firmly sealed my lips shut._

"_No, no, no. Case closed. Ora scegli prima che lo faccia io per te." (1)_

_I stared at her questionably, the meaning of her words not quite reaching my head. "You speak Italian?" _

"_I wasn't expecting you to understand," she said, smiling._

"_I didn't. I mean, I studied it a bit back in elementary school, but now I can only make out the accent," I told her. "What else can you speak?"_

"_I'm fluent in seven languages," she said, astonishing me with the casualness of her response. "You have a lot of time on your hands when you've lived as long as I have."_

_I nodded despite my failure to hide my admiration. The only languages I was able to speak were English and the little bit of Spanish I was learning in school. __"French?" _

"_Qu'est-ce que tu penses? L'anglais et le français étaient mes premiers." __(2)_

_I laughed. "Well, my apologies for not knowing something this important."_

"_What else would you like to know then?"_

_I could have answered that in a single word: everything._

_I wanted to know everything I could about her. What her favorite period of time was, her favorite movies, what her experiences were after having been changed, and if she had any scars on her flawless skin to accommodate her past. But I couldn't tell her any of that, of course._

_We spent the next thirty minutes giggling at each other's impressions and guessing what she had to say in the million languages she had also failed to mention. Chinese, German, Russian, Latin… you name it. _

"_I swear, if you tell me you know Arabic, you might just beat Emmett out for being freaky."_

_Alice held a hand to her mouth in feigned shock. "Are you calling my brother freaky?"_

_I rolled my eyes. "You can't deny it."_

"_True, but that's just in his nature," she pointed out, and for the first time in those thirty minutes, she shifted her attention back to the series of numbers listed in the phonebook. _

_I felt a sudden wave of disappointment crawl beneath my skin. "Well?"_

_She didn't look up. "Well what?"_

"_Do you know Arabic?"_

_There was a slight dash of vacillation masking her features, forcing me to think that maybe the question would lead to a touchy subject. The last thing I ever needed was to make things awkward between us, something I just so happened to be extraordinary at._

"_I never attempted it," she answered after a long pause. "The only Arabic I know is 'Ana Behibek.'"_

_I tried to sound it out, the tip of my tongue engaging itself with the five syllables of this foreign phrase. The words sounded so strange, so… bizarre. Nowhere near the borderline of what I could grasp. "What does that mean?"_

_Another moment of hesitation, the only difference being the eye contact I was able to get out of it. That, and the apprehension of what was to come next. "I love you."_

_It caught me off guard for a second, extracting a good amount of excitement and surprise all at once. It was after that brief moment of sheer emotion in which I realized she had merely answered my question, and had not proclaimed a… a _declaration_… of some sort._

_A layer of warmth then spread across my cheeks once I took hold of my second realization: I was just a hair length away from repeating those same words. _

_With an awkward cough, I leaned a bit closer and stared off into the yellow pages. "I think I'll have Chinese."_

It never felt this good to shove a pillow against my face as it did then. I've read it in books, seen it in movies, and not once – from what I could remember – have I ever muffled my screams into a cushion to release any pent up anger. I regretted not doing so earlier. It actually works.

I wanted to believe it didn't mean anything, just so I didn't have to remind myself that Edward – aside from my mother – was the only one to claim to love me. But the proof lay within the strangled cry of frustration drilling through my chest.

* * *

The heat of the flames flickering nearby set up a more relaxing mood to the coolness of the living room. The mild humidity eventually became an unwelcoming issue in La Push, but it was a gift compared to those moments of suffocation I had to endure in my room. I found the couch right next to the fireplace to be the most comforting spot… of a sort. There weren't exactly many other options to choose from.

Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled over just several seconds after the day's worth of exhaustion made its appearance, and I mustered a yelp as Emily came in through the kitchen doorway, two mugs in hand.

"Ohh, that was a loud one right there," she stated excitedly, and handed me a cup of hot chocolate. I thanked her. "Wouldn't be surprised if Jakey came running down, screaming. That boy isn't as brave as he says he is, and I'm saying this out of experience."

I smiled inwardly as she a took a seat on the couch in front of me, the blazing hot temperature of the drink in hand melting its way down my throat. It burned, but it wasn't as close to the pain I've handled before.

"I can't say I blame him. Thunder was scarier than the boogeyman when I was a kid."

She chuckled; lightly, but it was sincere. Emily's presence was a consolation… a _relief _to the burden of having to be apart from civilization. We've become close since that first night, and for several nights after that she had a habit of coming over to Jake's place.

_To keep me company, _she would say. _I know how boring it can be while everyone's running off to do their wolf thing._

I appreciated the kind deed more than she would ever know.

"How is he?" I pondered, and I assumed I had unintentionally asked out loud when Emily sighed, a not so hopeful sign.

"Still angry," she said. "But you know how he is. Mention a Cullen and he'll huff like a child."

Another flash of lightning flickered over the bare windows, and, cautious of the thunder that was to follow, I subconsciously sank as low as I could into the soft cushion.

"You're not angry, are you? I mean, it's only for a day…"

"You worry too much about what others think, you know that?" Emily pressed, a playful edge to her tone. "Of course I'm not mad. Sure, you can't really expect me to hold hands with them and sing kumbaya, but it's entirely your business.

"Besides," she went on. "I don't blame you for wanting to visit your girlfriend. She is rather pretty… for a bloodsucker, that is."

As usual, I was unsuccessful in hiding my blush, but, come to think of it, my attempts were typically obvious, even in the dim light. "She's not my girlfriend," I murmured.

"She might as well be if she can't her eyes off you," she added, and I stumbled upon another moment of unconcealed humiliation.

"You're just filled with romantic observations today, aren't you?"

"What can I say? I'm such a sap." And for a brief second, I had almost missed the subtle look of infatuation crossing the soft features of her face. It quickly disappeared as soon as the realization came to her and she shifted her attention back to her warm drink. I didn't point out the fact that there was no need to hide her joy. I had brought it up more times than I could count, and she never listened.

It was actually a relief to see Emily so happy these days. She never quite mentioned the reason why, but I could assume it had something – or everything – to do with the imminence of her anniversary. Though still engaged to Sam, the memory of the day he imprinted on her remains preserved.

Her appearance was that of a young woman in love, as opposed to me. I probably looked like a train wreck.

"How did you do it?" I asked before I could think twice about my thoughts.

"Do what?"

"With you. And Sam and Leah," I clarified, not knowing what I was saying myself. "You two were like sisters, weren't you?"

My question didn't make any sense, yet Emily appeared to have understood considering the casualness of this quiet exchange vanished in the blink of an eye. The three scars forever carved on the side of her face shone with radiance beneath the lingering fire.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be –"

"It's alright, Bella," she interrupted. "I suppose you're wondering how I managed after losing my best friend? After hurting the two people I loved most?"

The way she said it only brought out an even greater emphasis on the damage experienced through this process. I wasn't sure how to react, so I nodded, hoping she wouldn't be able to see the pain enveloping my own expression.

"There's not much to say, really. Sure, it was absolute hell trying to keep myself together. Sam was still in love with Leah and Leah couldn't let him go," she murmured, so lightly I had to strain to hear. "But I kept telling myself it would be worth it in the end. The worse has to come first before you're truly satisfied, and I knew Leah. I still do. She's strong. She'd recover eventually."

I was caught off guard when I noticed her eyes were on me as she spoke. "I know you're trying to decide what to do, but you have to understand… imprinting is entirely different from what you're going through."

"I know." Breathing in slowly, I said, "But I'll be hurting people, too. Three, in this case, and all because I love her. I can't even tell her."

The courage I had mustered disappeared, and what was left was an inkling of recognition; one that had me fearing for the future once again. This was the first time I admitted my feelings out loud.

And in some cruel and twisted way, it felt… _nice. _Scary and disheartening, but nice, nonetheless.

"I don't know what to tell you, Bella. I'd be lying if I said it'll all turn out okay." She stood up then, which I failed to notice until she spoke again. "Are you finished with that?"

"Hm?" She was pointing to the cup in my hands, still nearly filled to the rim due to my lack of attention with anything other than my own thoughts. "Oh, yeah. Thanks."

She simply nodded and headed to the kitchen, leaving me back where I had started; nowhere. I had a feeling Emily was going to leave soon despite the rain. It was a habit she picked up as soon as we became friends: visit when she decides I need company, talk a bit about our lives with a few jokes thrown in, then leave at a late hour. Sometimes I wondered whether she was a werewolf in disguise.

I looked up just in time to see a vivid glare dance across the window, signaling the approaching cry of thunder.

* * *

Jake's reluctance to acknowledge my existence was still a reflection of his bad mood, but he was willing to walk me to the treaty line, much to my delight. Or dismay… depends on how you look at it. He wasn't exactly a man of words that morning.

Judging by the hesitation in his gestures, it seemed like he was yearning to say something, though refrained from doing so once Edward's lean form came into view just outside the border. There was a series of unfriendly name calling followed by a quick goodbye, and I found myself in Edward's presence.

Not a word was uttered after that.

Our so called 'relationship' was hanging on a loose string, just about ready to untie itself and fall to the ground. It was volatile, to put it in short terms, though I couldn't help but think there was never a relationship in the first place.

He was acting strange. That was for sure. I wasn't complaining about the well needed silence occupying the drive back to the Cullen household, nor was his ignorance to my mood a problem, but there was something else there. Edward's gaze stayed focused on the road, almost as if he was staring daggers at the windshield, and his grip on the wheel tightened with each passing second. I was surprised the amount of strength he inflicted on it didn't destroy the thing.

He was gone by the time the Volvo was parked on the driveway, and before I could think anything of it, I was engulfed by a pair of arms.

"Oh, Bella. It's so good to see you!" Esme cried, the sweet scent of jasmine overcoming my senses. She must've been uncomfortable with the smell of wolves soaked in my clothes and body. She just didn't show it. "Come. You must be starving."

I already had lunch before I left La Push, but I decided to leave that out of Esme's knowledge. It was bad enough I practically invaded her home with werewolf stink on me and the fact was only stressed with Rose's appearance. Her disgusted expression was enough to amplify my awkwardness.

"Where is everyone?" I asked Esme as I finished the last of the ham and cheese sandwich. I was about to explode if I took another bite.

"Carlisle is at the hospital. He'll be working until eight. Edward's upstairs, as you know. Emmett's outside with Rosalie doing God knows what, and… I have no idea where Alice and Jasper are. I haven't seen them since last night."

I think a little part of me died at that last comment. I gathered the control to prevent the distress from revealing itself on my face and promptly stood from my seat. "I'm going to take a walk, if you don't mind."

What I received was a puzzled glance, just as I suspected. I'm sure she was wondering why I didn't choose to accompany Edward instead, so I didn't bother with explanations. I sauntered off down the path right outside the garage and found a secluded site not so far from a vampire's vision. I needed to make sure I could easily be spotted in case Esme would start to worry.

I couldn't relish the sun's heat because of the clouds. There was no sun. No light. But it was warm nevertheless, and it didn't take long until I drifted off into a disquieted slumber.

* * *

It was nearing four o' clock when I woke up. The first thing I noticed was the difference the ground felt as opposed to the feeling of it before I had fallen asleep. It was softer, but not nearly as secure.

I was on a bed, as it turned out. The walls were a creamy white, plain and illuminated only by a single lamp that casted a dimming light. The thought immediately led me to question who had taken me in.

"This is stupid," I murmured to myself once my mind drifted off to an image of Alice. I kicked the sheets off with more force than I intended to, dropping them to the floor with a light thud. I assumed this was a guest room.

Through the closed door, I could hear the faint hooting that had to belong to Emmett. Some sort of music blared from the living room, laughter, and then a glimmer of grief coursed its way to my stomach.

I needed a shower.

I felt slightly better after I was able to wash off two days worth of dirt and grime embedded into my skin. Dressed in a pair of blue pajamas I found on top of the bed, I decided it was best to wait a while until I made my appearance downstairs, as it was a bit too… crowded for my liking.

I didn't plan on taking another nap. But one way or another I was on the bed again, an entire week of exhaustion seeping through my barriers.

"What the –" It was more out of shock than fear. Instinct took over as soon as my hands were clamped against the headboard and my waist was straddled by a very familiar frame. "Alice," I seethed, resisting, with great effort, against her iron-like grasp. "What the _hell _are you doing?"

She didn't release her grip on me, however, and soon I grew tired of struggling when it finally became clear that it was a total waste of time. Eventually I relaxed, yet I refused to drop my scowl.

"I came to say hi," Alice said with a smile, one that lessened the aggravation of having been attacked. Without warning.

"Is that how you greet someone now? Because if it is, I'd much rather do without," I proclaimed. "Where'd you come from? I didn't hear you come in."

"Vampires have a habit of sneaking up on people. And I've been here the whole time, silly."

"What?" That wasn't exactly the answer I was expecting. "But you – I took a shower."

"And you smell exquisite."

My glower must've deepened if it could wipe away her grin. "I swear I didn't look," she went on, loosening her grip on my hands. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No. Don't." The quickness of my request had her sitting still, a sort of glint hovering over her auburn eyes. "I'm not mad. This is actually kind of nice."

What a stupid thing to say. I could've slapped myself if my hands weren't held against my will, so I adjusted to doing so mentally.

"Is it?" She released her hold, the slim fingers of her right hand descending down my side as she settled herself right below my abdomen. I, on the other hand, was very close to the point of allowing my façade to drop. I figured later on it was hopeless if she could hear my roaring heartbeat.

"This isn't exactly a friendly gesture," I said, subtly reminding her of the remark she made in the past; she didn't want to hurt Jasper and Edward by letting this happen.

"I'm overly affectionate. You should know that by know," she teased.

Rolling my eyes, I merely grinned and fixated my eyes on the night table beside me. The small alarm clock read five eleven, nearly six hours since I arrived, and another twelve hours before I had to return for school. That only left me… very little time to make the best of it with the Cullens.

But now I was here, with Alice, and that's all I really wanted. I tilted my head only to catch her looking at me with a rather odd expression; eyes sharp with focus but soft… calm and endearing. I flushed considerably in spite of the flattery I couldn't help but feel in this situation.

"Is there something on my face?" I asked, suddenly aware that her staring could be a bad thing.

A smile graced her features and, licking her lips in a manner that put a halt to my breathing, she shook her head and said, "No. It's perfect."

A deep cough fractured my baffled condition; one that wasn't drawn forth by either me or Alice. With a startled jump, I noticed that the door lay open, and my body was instantly craving for Alice's touch once she pulled away.

It was Edward who stood by the doorway, stiff in posture and a demeanor that clearly displayed an ominous aura to his surroundings.

"I'd like to have a talk with you, Bella, if you don't mind," he said, ambiguously. There was, however, a flare in his eyes as he said this, cloaked behind those two dark pools of what I thought to be sorrow.

I stood up without another thought, only to be stopped with Alice's hand around my wrist.

"That's none of your concern, Alice," Edward snarled, causing me to flinch at his harsh tone. "How can you think I could do such a thing?"

A hesitation, and then she let go. I looked at her questionably, but she refused to catch my eye, leaving me to assume that it was safe to go despite the rushing terror.

With a final glance, I followed him out into the hallway with nothing but the fearful thought that we've been caught.

* * *

_1. Ora scegli prima che lo faccia io per te - _Now choose before I do it for you. (Thanks to Sonneuntergang for the correct translation! :) Don't trust babelfish for shit...)

2. _Qu'est-ce que tu penses? L'anglais et le français étaient mes premiers - _What do you think? English and French were my first.


	19. Chapter 18

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** T

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: Important! Please read.**

1) First off, I'd like to apologize for the five month hiatus. Life got in the way as well as writer's block, but now that I'm on vacation, I hope to spend most of my time writing.

2) I went back and began editing the entire story. FFnet fucked up all the line breaks, so I had to redo all of that. I've also fixed the grammatical errors and altered several scenes. For those who have read the previous versions, the most significant changes take place in chapters 13 and 14. Nothing major to the plot, but slightly important in Alice and Bella's relationship. They do not kiss in chapter 13, and the lime in chapter 14 is not as graphic. I did this to add more depth for what comes up next chapter. You can reread those if you want, but, again, it isn't essential.

3) I'd also like to thank any loyal readers out there. I know it's been a long time and you probably don't know what the hell's going on, but _thank you_ for sticking by me. You're the reason I haven't given up.

* * *

_But now I was here, with Alice, and that's all I really wanted. I tilted my head only to catch her looking at me with a rather odd expression; eyes sharp with focus but soft… calm and endearing. I flushed considerably in spite of the flattery I couldn't help but feel in this situation._

_"Is there something on my face?" I asked, suddenly aware that her staring could be a bad thing._

_A smile graced her features and, licking her lips in a manner that put a halt to my breathing, she shook her head and said, "No. It's perfect."_

_A deep cough fractured my baffled condition; one that wasn't drawn forth by either me or Alice. With a startled jump, I noticed that the door lay open, and my body was instantly craving for Alice's touch once she pulled away._

_It was Edward who stood by the doorway, stiff in posture and a demeanor that clearly displayed an ominous aura to his surroundings._

_"I'd like to have a talk with you, Bella, if you don't mind," he said, ambiguously. There was, however, a flare in his eyes as he said this, cloaked behind those two dark pools of what I thought to be sorrow._

_I stood up without another thought, only to be stopped with Alice's hand around my wrist._

_"That's none of your concern, Alice," Edward snarled, causing me to flinch at his harsh tone. "How can you think I could do such a thing?"_

_A hesitation, and then she let go. I looked at her questionably, but she refused to catch my eye, leaving me to assume that it was safe to go despite the rushing terror._

_With a final glance, I followed him out into the hallway with nothing but the fearful thought that we've been caught._

* * *

His room remained untouched since my last visit not too long ago. The only modification I could locate was the misplacement of a CD on top of his disheveled bed. But aside from that, the room was as tidy and clean as ever.

Alarmed by the swiftness of the door closing, as well as the bang that, once again, brought up the idea that I was locked in a room with an infuriated vampire, I casted a brief glance before taking a seat on the couch.

And I waited.

It wasn't so much that I was cautious of the control Edward lacked when dictated by his anger. I knew he wouldn't hurt me despite the probability of whatever Alice had foreseen. In fact, it was his delicate way of showing his emotions that I was hesitant about, knowing it would be his words that would strike me as unexpected rather than his actions.

Several minutes passed as the silence engulfed the lasting effects of our unease. My figure lingered in its stiff posture, motionless and alert, and within seconds of this realization, the tenseness was then fulfilled with impatience.

"You had something to tell me?" I pushed. It was all I could say if I didn't have the slightest idea _why _I was brought down here from my comfy arrangements in the guest room.

He refused to move, and if I hadn't known any better I would've thought of him to be a statue.

"Bella," he breathed. I snapped my attention away from the floor, where an old sweater of mine lay hidden beneath the seat. I found it more than a little odd that he hadn't bothered to give it back, or notice it for that matter. "Is there anything you would like to tell me?"

A flash of light crept its way to my vision, blinding what coherent thoughts I could acquire in a quick and futile attempt. Never mind that the beam was merely a figment of my imagination that happened to cloud my mind and lift a stream of panic gushing through my veins.

It was all a matter of holding still; preventing the fear from touching my expression and the desire from winning me over. No matter how much I wanted it to end, to lift the burden off my shoulders, it wouldn't do much good if Alice remained opposed to the idea.

"What do you mean?" With my voice deep and hoarse, I hid a cringe before his suspicions were proven; that I was not at ease.

A sigh, and then he sat beside me, his eyes deprived of the gleam brought forth that displayed some sort of life in his sculpture-like form.

"It's exactly as I asked," he clarified, and said, "I wish for you to tell me if there's anything bothering you."

"That's not what I…" I began, only to pause, knowing it would simply be vain to argue. "Why would you think that? I'm fine, Edward."

"I don't suppose that's the case. I may not be able to read your mind, Bella, but I know you almost as much as I know myself."

"I highly doubt that."

The words escaped the safe contents of my mind before I could will myself to stop them. Once again, I chose to fixate my gaze on anything other than the stone set of eyes watching… examining. Knowing I was under his vigilant attention was nearly as unnerving as having the absolute pleasure of serving in this casual conversation. And lying to his face.

There was a slight movement indicating the end of his inspection. Some fidgeting with the inside of his pockets and, finally, he shifted a bit closer after he retrieved what he was searching for.

"I know you've displayed indifference on this specific matter, yet I can't merely stand back and surrender the opportunity," he approached indistinctly.

I eyed him with a sense of curiosity, loitering in its rightful spot beside my tentativeness. "Are vampires always this mysterious?"

He cracked a smile, much to my relief. "You may say that… unless you consider my asking for your hand in marriage rather puzzling."

Again the painful sear of panic and surprise sank deep into my barriers, and yet I wasn't even sure if I heard correctly. I must've, I quickly thought, if I was being greeted by a ring. An _engagement _ring. Of all the damn possibilities!

"Edward…" At the sight of this extravagant piece of jewelry, I desperately fought the need to slip into oblivion.

"You don't have to decide now," Edward quickly added, which, dreadfully, didn't relieve the alarm. I was grateful that he had at least the common sense to decipher the shock as something other than bliss. "I understand. I only wanted to let you know that I am open to the possibility."

His intention was to be sympathetic, but I took it as a punch to my dissipating wall, as the wind had long since been knocked from my lungs and what remained was regret. I didn't know how, or why, or _when_, but somehow the man had coasted his way into my conscience.

"… Just promise me you'll think about it…"

That's all I heard, because instantly my mind was overcome by random nonsense that even I couldn't make out.

_He knows,_ I thought silently to myself, accepting the embrace I was being given despite any ounce of reluctance I might've experienced that night. _Oh god, he knows._

**Five Days Later**

I've always wondered what my life would be like after high school. There was always this image deep inside the interior of my mind – a sort of… _vision _to accommodate a desire I've had since my freshman year. A small house in a secluded area; preferably Phoenix. A room cramped from the stacks of papers holding the very plot to an award winning novel. A husband I could love to the very ounce of my blood; strong, handsome, and caring… the idea of children remaining unsolved.

It hadn't occurred to me that my pathway to a life of normality would forever be undiscovered. Unreachable. I just assumed it was a guarantee, as there wasn't a single hindrance to prevent the likely possibilities from taking a role in my future.

Everyone else was afraid of it. The future, I mean. And I thought it was another strange trait of mine when I realized I wasn't one of those people. My life was too secure for that.

But now… now it only seemed like it could fall apart in a matter of seconds.

The final moments of that day passed by in a blur, like a leaf being carried by the wind. The similarities were distinguishable as I looked further into my conscience, taking note that everything that was said, heard, felt, touched, or seen never reached my senses. I was in my own little world.

I didn't bother with the casualties that came with being a senior on graduation day, and as it was the last to be seen of Forks High school, it wasn't incredibly difficult to shield myself from the rapture bound within the hallways. The quiet was my sanctuary.

The later part of the afternoon was spent in my room… my _real _one. Charlie wasn't home yet, and wouldn't be until he arrived from the station half an hour before the ceremony. I used the spare time accordingly, fitting into the itchy dress I once wore at an honors party about a year ago and redefining what useless makeup I owned.

Edward arrived alone, as the rest of his family was to meet us at the school. I was somewhat thankful for the limited company; it wasn't like I was about to appreciate a few moments to myself during and following the ceremony. No. Not after I was clued into his plans.

"Please tell me you're joking." I was already in his Volvo by then, strapped in and incapable of jumping out. "It's really not that funny."

I was able to obtain a smile from his usually stern attitude, even if it did nothing to lessen the panic quickly building up. "I regret to say this isn't a joke. The invitations have already been sent two days ago."

"Two days… and why didn't anyone bother telling me this earlier?" I pushed, very near the edge of hysteria. "You _know _how much I hate parties."

The subtle meaning behind my reasoning was left unsaid. My fear of celebrations was, after all, awakened ever since that dreadful paper cut all but destroyed my life.

"I had no say in this," Edward confirmed, pausing with a hesitance that had me pondering the uncertainty in his next words. "It was entirely Alice's idea."

I knew better than to question his mood, especially the way Alice's name emerged from his lips – a hiss – like it was a vulgar thing to say. It wasn't anything new, I suppose, bearing in mind the understood hostility occurring between the two siblings. It felt like an icy knife considering I was the one to blame.

The parking lot outside the gym was only about a quarter of the way full, a clear indication that our timing was a little off. At least on my terms. I wanted nothing more than to stray away from Jessica's running mouth and get the whole ceremony over with. But, of course, I was refused the most simplest of wishes.

I stayed by Edward's side much to his enjoyment. It was really the only way considering I was desperate enough to avoid Jessica's tearful babble on going our separate ways and Mike's final attempt to reap a friendly conversation. He made it as far as giving me a smile before catching Edward's vicious glare and turning away.

The gowns were yellow for some reason. A hideous kind of yellow, making it all the more painful to look at once the seats began to fill up rather quickly. This was my cue to take my own seat beside one Jessica Stanley and wait out the few extra minutes until Mr. Greene was to open the procedure with an introductory speech.

I stopped casting reassuring looks toward the audience, which Charlie was now a part of (as well as Jacob and, surprisingly, Emily). I knew the Cullens were there, though I didn't bother searching. Doing so would lead me to do the same for Alice, even with the knowledge that she was supposed to be sitting beside Edward.

"Principal Greene, members of the School Board, teachers, parents, friends, and fellow graduates, it is an honor to speak to all of you today…"

Huh. Guess they decided to start with the valedictorian.

I didn't stop to listen to Eric's anxiety unravel in his speech, words tangling together as if he had somehow made a knot out of his tongue. I was far too preoccupied with my own thoughts, watching Edward out of the corner of my eye and all the while attempting to avoid catching Alice's gaze. The mood of it all was carefree – blasé, almost – but even Jessica noticed the tension lingering between the two siblings.

I simply shrugged when she gave me a curious look.

"Congratulations, Miss Swan," Mr. Greene said as I retrieved my diploma with unease. I smiled in response, then gracelessly slipped back into my seat.

With a final congratulatory remark from one of the teachers, shouts and screams erupted from nearly every graduate, and hideous yellow hats were thrown across the room. I refused to participate in this exploit and let my own hat fall to the ground with an unenthusiastic thrust, watching as it joined the others.

Jessica was practically sobbing in Lauren's arms, both embracing each other like today was the last day to live. Then there was Angela on the other side of the room, happily holding onto Ben as they accepted hugs from various family members.

"Bella," I heard Edward call out. He had that face again, where his jaw was taut and lips pursed. He gently placed an arm around me, though it didn't take much thought to know something had triggered his anger again. "Come. Your father's waiting by the door."

"Actually, I –" Then I paused, catching a glimpse of the Cullen family nearby, Alice and Jasper among them. The intense longing to speak to her instantly vanished.

"Never mind," I murmured. "Let's go."

* * *

The party, like I previously expected, was more than just a 'small get together,' as Edward called it. No. It was much, _much _worse.

My resentment towards Charlie's habit of teasing me and my distaste for parties shifted to utter fury. If it weren't for Edward by my side to prevent me from clawing a certain werewolf's eyes out, I'm certain there would've been another 'punch Jacob and hurt yourself' scene to steam over.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself again, love," Edward had said. "If you give me your permission, I'd be more than happy to finish the job for you."

"He's still acting like a complete baby," I growled, causing Edward to chuckle. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not, so I grabbed him by the elbow when it seemed as though he was getting ready to leave. "You know I was only kidding, right?"

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Of course."

"I don't believe you."

"It's a promise then," he said, and placed an arm securely around my waist. "I won't leave you if that will make you feel better."

It didn't, yet I wasn't about to tell him that I was truly growing irritated with his constant presence everywhere I went. Half an hour of the party was spent greeting everyone who walked through the door, while the other half was used to argue with Jake over something as trivial as an invitation, Edward consequently glued to my side. It wouldn't have been a major issue if I wasn't so distracted with another matter at hand – namely finding a certain psychic within the crowd.

"What are you looking for?" asked Edward.

"Um… nothing," I told him, quickly delving through my thoughts for a believable lie. "I'm kind of thirsty. Do you think I could –"

"I'll get you something," he offered. "What would you like?"

"Punch is fine."

He only nodded and told me to stay put, moving through the mass of dancing bodies. As soon as he was out of sight, I took my chance and practically skidded off in the opposite direction. So much for staying put.

With the music blaring and a room full of heated dancing and make out sessions, I weaved my way through any openings, purposely avoiding the area where Jessica was currently having another argument with Mike. I didn't have time to listen to her melodramatic drama involving her love life.

The hallway was vacant as I approached the top of the stairs, the music now coming as a faint pitch from the living room. Now, searching the entire house from one room to another didn't seem like the best plan when I was faced with yet another image of how_ big _everything was. There was no saying Alice was even here in the first place. I hadn't seen her since the graduation ceremony, let alone spoken to her since that night Edward proposed to me.

I always shivered when I thought about it – the idea of marrying Edward. The news just about spread like wildfire to Esme when she found out, who then squealed and told Emmett, who then screeched like a banshee until it was no longer a secret, but vampire gossip. It was to be expected that Esme would be the most excited of them all. Her first and youngest son did, after all, propose. And Emmett was always just in for the ride.

Carlisle, however, was an entirely different story. I remembered his reaction clearly, more so than that of Esme's, or even Rosalie's, as all I received was a sneer and some comment about how awful it will be to have sex with a human. I didn't disagree with her on that.

But with Carlisle, he didn't congratulate me like Esme did, or give me a crushing hug like Emmett's. He looked at me, just looked, and then said, "Don't give up your happiness for the sake of others, Bella. It may not seem like it right now, but you will always have a choice."

Or something along those lines. I was in far too deep to consider memorizing another one of his famous quotes. It was impossible to decide what was more astonishing – that he somehow knew of my dilemma, or that he was completely okay with it, even going so far as encouraging me (in a way) to refuse Edward's offer.

I was never planning on accepting it in the first place, but it certainly felt nice to know I had someone's support in the matter.

Torn from my thoughts at the loud creak from the end of the hallway, I quickly shoved myself into the nearest doorway, which happened to be the bathroom, slamming the door behind me and fidgeting with the lock along the way. I didn't bother turning on the lights, more worried about stumbling in the dark if I made any movements. And so I waited for a minute, listening carefully for any indication that I wasn't alone. Another minute passed before I let out a shaky breath, simply to be startled once again by a soft knocking on the door.

I sighed in frustration. "Edward, I'm fine. I know you're worried but that doesn't mean you have to watch me twenty-four seven."

But the knocking persisted. Silently cursing the pushiness of vampires, I yanked open the door, fully expecting to be greeted by an upset Edward. Instead I was pulled forward by one Alice Cullen.

"Shh…" she whispered just as I was open to question her tendency to attack me at the worse times. With a puzzled glance, I let her guide me several doors down the hall, halting only when we were safely locked away in her bedroom.

The rapid sprint to her closet assured me that she wasn't about to give me an explanation, yet that sure as hell didn't stop me from demanding for one.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Shoving aside a pile of clothes from the hangers, she swiftly picked out a random shirt, handed it to me, then dashed back all in the time frame of two seconds. Surely there must be an emergency I should've been aware of if it had Alice running like her life depended on it.

_Or mine, _I thought numbly to myself.

"You know, I'm really getting sick of this bullshit. First Edward, now you. Why is no one clueing me in on anything?"

Again, she didn't respond, but by the time she rushed back to me with a pair of pants, it was the least of my concerns as she reached for the hem of my dress.

"Alice!" I yelped, pushing her away.

"Bella, now's not the time," she growled. "You can make it easy and change into these, or we can do it the hard way and I'll do it for you."

I glared at her for several moments, angry at her vagueness and, at the same time, slightly thrilled by the prospect of her undressing me, not that I needed her to know that. So I peeled off my dress and proceeded to change into her clothes.

"I had a vision," Alice announced while I struggled into the pair of pants. "It's time."

I looked up at her, fearful of her next words. "You mean… they're coming? To Forks?"

She nodded, her eyes lingering on my shirtless torso for longer than necessary before shifting them to meet my own timid gaze. "Soon. I don't know the exact moment, but I'm not taking any chances."

"So why all the secrecy then?"

"Because," she said, picking up a sour feel to her voice. "A lovely brother of mine had planned to hide you away in the mountains. But Carlisle and I believe Victoria will have a harder time picking up your scent in La Push."

_This_ most definitely caught my attention. "I thought I was coming with you."

She looked at me as if I had just grown an extra head, which was certainly enough of a response.

"Alice, you can't just – I'm not hiding away like some coward! All of this is _my _fault. Mine. They'll hurt others if they come looking for me!"

Complaining didn't do much good, apparently. Stepping in front of me, I tried not to look away when she caught my eye in a heated stare. "We won't let that happen. You have to trust me on this, Bella," she said softly. "You'll be dead before you even step foot on the field, and I –" She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. "I can't stand the thought."

It took every ounce of my self-control to refrain from hauling her forward and smashing my lips against hers.

She smiled almost knowingly. "Your father should be at La Push by now. We can stop by your house if you want to make sure," she suggested, turning away. "Although you may want to put on a shirt first."


	20. Chapter 19

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** M

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **At the end.

* * *

It started to rain by the time we arrived at my house, first showering us in a faint mist and then in buckets, making it nearly impossible to notice anything within the distance. But I was certain Charlie's cruiser was nowhere to be seen, suggesting that Alice was right. He was already at La Push.

I went inside anyway simply to feel at ease, Alice at my heels. Although it was only a few hours ago that I got ready for graduation, and several minutes from when Charlie left, the house felt… empty. Almost as if no one had stepped foot inside the place for years and everything had gathered dust, in turn forming a sense of loneliness in the atmosphere. Maybe it was just me. I mean, I wasn't sure if coming in was the best idea.

"He isn't here, Bella," Alice said as she followed me upstairs. There were no lights on, and judging by the storm raging outside, I didn't need to flip the switch to know the power had went out.

"I know," I told her. We were in my room by then, with the only source of light being that glow in the dark lamp I had since I was a kid. Everything else remained untouched; clothes scattered on the floor as I had left them, window closed and bed unmade. If I weren't so stunned by the circumstances, I would've been reluctant in letting Alice witness this disaster of a room. Guess I had no shame.

I could feel her eyes on me, drilling through the back of my neck as I took a seat on the bed, right at the edge. The sound of rain pattering against the glass window filled the room with a soft rhythm, making it as though the quiet between us was nothing but an inconvenience. But, really, I needed it to calm down. I needed time to think and air to breathe and it could've been so much easier if none of this was even happening.

"Bella?"

I snapped my eyes shut to save myself the trouble of having to look at Alice. It was much easier said than done when no matter what I did would lead to the same direction - me bawling up. "Do you even know what's going to happen?"

I still didn't look at her. I didn't have to to know she was beside me in an instant, probably now realizing why I was wallowing in pity and anger and _damn it_ if I was going to lose control of my emotions. I hated this feeling – this weakness and vulnerability building in my chest until I had to hold it all back. They weren't my strong points. Never were.

"How can I?" she inquired in a somewhat hard tone. "The wolves are going to be there, too. They're blocking out my visions."

I already knew this, yet it still didn't put a stop to the sensation of having your guts ripped out and then crushed for someone else's entertainment. Possibly an overstatement, yes, but true nonetheless.

"There's no reason for you to be there, then," I suggested. I looked up in hopes of seeing a smile or a casual nod, anything to signify the possibility, but instead I was deceived.

"I have to go, Bella."

"No you don't," I claimed heatedly, the panic now coming in full force. I had thought there was a chance that she wouldn't be going at all, and then maybe everything after that would be okay. Because I would know she'd be safe. "You can stay with me. We can go hide out in the mountains like Edward suggested. Just, _please_. Don't go."

Something changed in her eyes the moment I mentioned Edward, as if the thought of camping in the mountains was truly that preposterous. Either way, she didn't look too happy.

"Listen to me," Alice demanded, a desperate edge to her voice. "Don't listen to my brother. He's an idiot, Bella. He suggested the plan simply to keep an eye on us. Or you, rather."

"What?"

"Edward… isn't himself right now. I'm sure you've realized why he proposed when he did?" Of course it got through my head, and I must've shown some kind of indication that I understood, since she continued. "He doesn't know… not yet anyway. But he suspects and that's enough to try and keep you away from me."

I listened intently, knowing all along that Edward was acting odder than usual, though I didn't think he'd take it so far as to propose to me and prevent me from seeing Alice. It most certainly explained why the two were avoiding each other like the plague.

"But aside from that, I don't like the idea any more than you do, Bella. We have to work with what we have. You'll be safe with the wolves –"

"I don't care about me!" I yelled, perhaps a bit louder than necessary, but who could blame me? I was _sick _of having everyone protect me when doing so endangers their own lives. "I don't. What I _do _care about is what happens to you."

Alice's expression softened from the piercing gaze she held just seconds ago. "Well, quit your worrying," she murmured, brushing away a strand of hair from my face. "Believe it or not, I'm much more dangerous than you think. I'll be fine."

"You don't know that," I countered. "You said it yourself. Your visions aren't there to guide you."

She sighed. I couldn't see her clearly through the glow generated by the bedside light, but what I could see brought about a heavy rush of affection and protectiveness. "True," she uttered, "but then that's one advantage we'll have to go without."

She wasn't about to give up anytime soon, was she?

"Don't be like that, Alice," I pleaded.

"I'm merely stating a fact."

"Yes, but that _fact_ might just get you killed."

That didn't seem to faze her at all. "Vampires can't die."

"Yes, thank you for stating the obvious –" I paused before the anger could settle upon my chest. I sighed. Taking her hands into my own, I held her gaze and let it linger there as I said, "Just… do it for me then?" I knewing I was running on a guilt trip here, but at this point I couldn't care less. "_Please, _Alice. That's all I'm asking from you. I'll beg if I have to. Anything. Just _please_ _don't go. _Please_._"

"Bella… can't you think about it in my perspective? My family –" But she didn't get to finish, nor was she able to foresee what I was about to do as it was a split decision on my part – one that came from desperation and, once I crashed my lips onto hers, it was instinct from there.

The surge of disappointment when she pulled away was enough to pierce at my heart and, avoiding her eyes, I tried to hide the embittered tears beginning to form before she could see just how much her resentment hurt.

_Stupid, stupid… Why the hell did I do that? What gave me the right? _

_She told me to wait after this was all over. I promised her I would, and then I just go ahead and kiss her? God, I'm so stupid! How could I betray her trust like that? It isn't like she clearly _told_ me she feels the same way. It was probably out of pity for the _stupid _human. Ugh!_

I didn't know when she decided to stand in front of me – not when I was too busy chastising myself for being a complete idiot. But when she grazed my jaw with her fingers and tilted my head up, I couldn't avoid the hasty flood of words.

"S-sorry. I'm _so _sorry. Damn it, Alice! I-I didn't know what I was thinking. I swear! I know y-you told me to wait a-a-and of course I was willing to do it but then it just sprung up and –"

She hushed me and I quickly snapped my mouth shut, aimlessly observing the back of her knuckles as they continued to caress my cheeks, brushing away tears along the way. Watching her face for any sign of anger, I noticed her gaze had faltered on my lips and I was startled by the hand that gently reached for my neck. She pressed her lips against mine, pulled away and then kissed me again, adding a little pressure.

Before my mind could properly meet up with the actions of my heartbeat, Alice had loosened her grasp on my neck and began tinkering with the hem of her shirt. It was off a second later.

"Alice," I breathed out, unprepared for the sudden feat. My eyes widened in response to seeing her lacy black bra shielding her torso. "W-what're you doing?"

Kneeling beside me, we locked eyes and for a moment, I was entranced by the fire dancing in those two pools of gold, which had darkened to a striking topaz. "Do you want this?"

If 'this' meant what I thought it meant, then surely there was no need to even ask. The sincerity crossing her features told me otherwise.

"Always," I whispered, and she smiled.

"So do I."

Slowly, and when I say that, surprisingly I mean it on human terms, she reached behind her and unclipped her bra, allowing the straps to slide down her arms and fall to the floor. I wasn't sure whether to gasp or whimper, so I did neither, knowing my response would come about through the rapid beating of my heart. Her breasts weren't large – they were small in fact, but round and bare and simply perfect.

"Is there something wrong?" Alice asked, her voice laced with concern.

That tore me away from my reverie. I shook my head. "You're beautiful," I managed to say, though not without my cheeks heating up. "I was – can I –"

She seemed to have understood because she smiled again – that bright, alluring smile that always made my knees grow weak. Carefully, almost as if not to scare me, she took one of my hands and brought it up to her chest, letting it settle upon one of her breasts. Her irises became a little darker, all but capturing the exact shade of black from the various stages of extreme thirst. If it weren't for the desire swirling in them, I would have grown wary over the prospect of repeating that one night of intimacy which, looking back, felt like a long time ago.

Her reactions alone made me shudder with a raging hunger, almost like a flare rolling beneath my skin – one that swiftly uncoiled throughout my entire body. Lifting her breast in my palm, I stared at it in wonder and brushed my thumb across a hardened nipple and, with a shaky breath, she threw her head back and elicited a throaty moan that went straight to my core. I shuddered at the sound.

Alice was standing in front of me again, hands on my face and eyes burning so fiercely that it trapped me in a state of unquestionable awe. As she leaned forward to kiss me, I lost myself in the feeling of cold lips, realizing with sudden anticipation that I wanted more. _So _much more. Gathering up the little courage I still possessed, I glazed my tongue over her bottom lip and nearly reeled back in surprise when she opened her mouth with a sigh, twisting her tongue around mine.

I couldn't deny that this was by far the most wonderful, incredible, _exquisite _experience I've to endure, beating out our first kiss by a long shot. Hands now tangled in her hair, I shifted myself back against the bed and pulled her closer, molding my body against her torso. Her skin was like marble and cold as ice, but smooth and, at the same time, _blistering _in places I never thought could burn. I wanted these clothes off. Now.

"Alice," I choked, breathing in air like I had been under water for three minutes straight. I placed my hands lower until they were on her back, tracing the contours of her spine and feeling the skin ripple beneath my fingers.

Recognizing what I wanted, she paused to kiss my nose, and then a ripping sound echoed against the walls. She quickly disposed of what was left of that shirt, then turned back to me to do the same with my bra, leaving us both exposed to the warm humidity. Although she had already seen me naked before, I still felt that familiar blush creep its way to my cheeks and down my neck. It took a great deal of willpower to refrain from crossing my arms and even if I did, she would surely uncross them.

"How many times do I have to tell you how beautiful you are?" Alice said softly, causing me to blush even harder. Of course I didn't believe her, but if that's what she saw, who was I to argue? "Do you mind?" she pressed, her breath ghosting over my lips. I looked down to see what she was on about and, after noticing the close proximity her hand was to my hips, the possibility of blushing a darker shade of red wasn't very likely.

"If you're not sure, Bella –" I silenced her with a kiss and cupped her face into my hands, making sure my words didn't waver as I spoke.

"I will tell you if I have any second thoughts," I told her truthfully, but slyly, just to get it into that skull of hers that that was never going to happen. She needed to know that. This may have been my first time, but I was never more certain about something than I was then.

Letting my fingers drift down her side, I sat up against the bedpost and lifted my backside, pulling off my pants with a bit of a struggle considering they were actually Alice's. Without looking up, I peeled off my panties as well. Knowing that they were damp wasn't soothing the humiliation.

I watched her reaction as her eyes slowly raked the rest of my body, face neutral but with a definite glint flickering in her eyes, which had caught on to my own and, in a flash, she was just as bare as I was. Chewing on my lower lip, I tried to keep my focus on only her face, but was unable to control the way my gaze wandered lower in unabashed excitement.

"You can look," she whispered, suddenly so close to me that moving an inch or two would bring our chests together. I shivered at the thought and, taking a not so subtle peak of Alice's goddess-like stature, I leaned back once more and pulled her closer until she lay on top of me. This time I couldn't hold back that whimper that had tried to escape before.

It was a nice feeling – the comfort of having a firm body on top of my own, as if shielding me from the poison of reality. I felt her quiver noticeably with the butterfly kisses the tips of my fingers placed upon her arm, around her shoulder and down her side. I memorized the feel of her, tracing lines on her ribcage and stomach and finally, swept over her breasts ever so lightly.

With a sharp intake of breath, which I stole in a kiss, Alice's lips were everywhere. All over my jaw, throat, collarbone, leaving in its wake a trail of heat that sent a ball of fire curling up in my lower stomach. I arched up into her and pressed my aching center against hers, in turn creating a fiery friction that sent my head rolling back. I gasped, blindly trying to get that sensation back by moving my hips around, but Alice had other ideas.

She brought her head down, watching my movements to make sure she wasn't testing the boundaries, and if my mind was in any way coherent, I might've just told her to stop asking for permission and get on with it. But my mind was in total chaos at the time, blurring figures together like they were white shapes and I had trouble concentrating on what she was doing. So as soon as I felt a light pressure on my hardened nipple, my clamped mouth opened against my will and I whispered her name, which may have added to her determination. She swirled her tongue around it, gently and in slow circles until my breathing became shallow and I tried desperately to grab onto any inch of her pale skin.

The blood rushed downward, overwhelming the part of me that had absolutely no experience with the reactions I was undergoing. The discomfort between my legs urged me to relieve it, to ease the nagging burn and, at the same time, hide the moisture that was building within my thighs. But Alice continued to massage my breasts, fingers twisting and pinching my nipples and it was out of pure impulse that I writhe underneath her touch, my own hands searching her body.

When the caresses came to a halt, I could still feel her presence radiating, hot or cold I couldn't tell. But she lingered, her face only centimeters from my chest and I watched as she leaned her cheek against my left breast.

"Alice," I panted, breathless and if I didn't know better, sweaty from those moments of squirming beneath Alice despite her cool skin. She seemed to like the perspiration though, because she traced a bead of sweat with her finger as it trickled down my neck. "Why –"

"Sh…" she whispered gently, nudging her face against my breast again. There was nothing erotic about the gesture. If anything, it was… tender. "I can feel your heart beating."

Just listening to her voice sent it thudding furiously against my chest, and I knew she could hear it without having to be so close. At this, she lifted her head to meet my gaze. Kissing my earlobe, she brushed aside some of my hair and pressed our foreheads together, not once losing eye contact.

"You want to know a secret?" Alice murmured, grazing her thumb across my lips. They parted at her touch and, instead of taking it into my mouth like I wanted to do, I nodded, curiously.

"I love you," were her next words, and I swore the life that had slowly faded in the past few months practically slammed back into me, striking with a pounding force.

I smiled – beamed, really. "It's not a secret anymore."

"It's one that only we know."

I felt her cold hands beginning to fondle my hips, brushing them up and down and refocusing her attention on my neck. But before she could go any further, I tilted her head up to face me. "I love you, too," I murmured with all the sincerity I could muster, and then kissed her. Hard.

My fingers latched around the base of her neck, pulling her closer and bending my body upward to meet hers. Everywhere I touched, from her shoulders down to her midsection – as I was too nervous to go any lower – there were trails of flames running from my fingertips. She was so cold; it seemed abnormal that I could be on fire. The blood in my veins boiled from the intensity, all the way down to my very core, my lungs feeling like they were about to burst. It wasn't until a hand cupped my mound that I finally let out a gasp of air.

"Oh god," I groaned, bucking my hips up. I had strayed too far into the sensations to be embarrassed over the sounds I made, or even to notice that I had spread my legs apart for better access. Her fingers slipped through my folds and against my tangle of sensitive nerves, drawing forth a violent jerk from my body.

"Alice," I hissed against her lips. Twitching reflexively, those icy fingers moved to brush against my clit and, with my moans muffled by her mouth, she began to draw gentle circles. The coiling in my stomach increased as she pinched it lightly, turning my groans into soft, needy whimpers.

"Is this okay?" she asked, and suddenly I could feel a hesitant pressure up against my opening, prodding it.

"Yyyess," I panted, hoping beyond god that she was done vacillating in her decisions.

"It's going to hurt a little."

"Alice, please!" I pleaded, and that was all that was needed. The pressure then faded into a sharp but brief pain, vanishing with a mounting pleasure as she pushed a finger through my entrance, feeling the muscles that tightened… experimenting. My hips jerked at the sensation and moved around to obtain a more thorough feel, trying to pull her in deeper. She pumped into me slowly, so agonizingly slowly that I thought I was about to explode from impatience.

Thumb still toying with my clit, another finger was added before I even realized it, sending my mind reeling with vivid lights and dark spots. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe, see, or hear. All of my senses were lost to me except for the feeling of Alice's hands urging the fire on, thrusting into me and silencing my sounds with a clever tongue. I wasn't entirely conscious of the fact that my hips were hovering a few inches over the bed, or that I was rocking them rhythmically against her fingers in a desperate need to really feel her inside me.

After the third finger, the moans grew louder, the churning in my stomach twisting and turning until the pain started to mix in with the pleasure. She soon picked up the pace as it became too much to handle, my walls clenching around her.

"Alice!" I cried out, finally reaching climax. Shuddering through the waves of pleasure, I breathed heavily against Alice's shoulder as she carefully pulled out. I closed my eyes in exhaustion, every muscle, tendon, and vein sore, but in the good kind of way. I just felt… relaxed.

"How are you?" Alice asked softly, eyes taking in my peaceful figure with unconcealed mirth.

I smiled lazily at her. "Better than ever," I told her, and then my eyes widened, the realization dawning on me like a slap in the face. "Oh! Do you want me to –"

But she shook her head, stopping my hand from reaching out to her. "Some other day, Bella," she suggested. The contentment had completely vanished by then. "We don't have enough time."

And then that's when it hit me, the truth of the matter slipping through my barriers and crushing the last bit of joy I possessed. In a second I had Alice in a tight embrace, arms wrapped securely around her neck and chest pressed up against hers as if letting go would mean doing so for forever. I wanted to cry, to feel the burn in my eyes and let the sorrow loose, but the ice had snuck its way to my heart and lungs, freezing them – rendering them useless.

After overcoming the initial shock of my actions, Alice linked her arms around my waist, pulling me in tighter if that was at all possible. I buried my face into her hair, taking in her scent, her skin… everything.

"You're still going, aren't you?" I murmured against her ear. The silence that ensued was easily taken as a yes. "Alice, I swear, if you don't come back –" My voice cracked. Why was I trying to keep the tears at bay? "I'll find you and kill you myself."

Her grip on me never loosened, but I could hear – no. _Feel _the rumbling in her chest as if she were laughing. "It's a deal," she whispered and, even though there was nothing amusing about this at all, I let it pass and held on.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone for reading, and I hope the lemon was satisfactory since things pick up after this.

Anyway, I normally don't ask – at all, really – but please tell me what you guys thought! Eleven people reviewed the last chapter after I lost about a fourth of my readers due to the long hiatus :( I feel awful. I'm scared I just totally screwed things up. But to those eleven, thank you so much! This chapter's for you.


	21. Chapter 20

**Title:** When the World is Dark

**Chapter Rating:** T

**Pairing:** Alice/Bella

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **This chapter's utter crap. I know. I'm sorry. I fucking hate it. Arrrgggggggggg!

Thank you so much to those who reviewed the last chapter. I want you know that I've read every one of them and I appreciate the comments. So much :)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to sink my head in the toilet. And drown.

* * *

_"I'll miss you," I whispered. I didn't know where the words came from, but judging by Alice's face, they were the right ones._

_"Me too," she uttered and took my hand in hers. "But I want you to promise me something, Bella."_

_I tilted my head to the side and faced her, mulling over the possibilities._

_"Don't go off on your own. No matter what happens, stay within the border."_

**- **_**Chapter 15**_

* * *

Do you ever get that feeling… where one moment, everything is bearable? That bit of fear tightening in your chest is tamed to a certain degree and you feel like it's all going to be okay. Life will just go on, because that's what it does… it goes on. And then there's that other feeling, a far deeper sensation that surpasses the tinge of alarm and tears apart the walls that were surrounding you. Protecting you. It sends your heart falling to the pit of your stomach and your mind funneling through a whirlwind of chaos.

It makes your skin crawl and your knees buckle. It makes fear seem like a mere presence as opposed to this feeling of utter _panic_ that dominates every vein in your body.

It was a feeling I experienced when Alice left.

It was nearing midnight when we reached the treaty line. After two conversations with who I assumed was Carlisle, and one argument with Edward through the phone, Alice made sure I was taken in by several of the pack members before departing. She told me it was fine – that everything was going to be alright and me… well, I was starting to believe her. I was beginning to think that maybe I was overreacting the entire time.

That is until I lost sight of her as she took off in the other direction, presumably to prepare for any last minute planning with her family. That's when it went through my head again. The circumstances weren't trivial, nor were they entertaining as Jacob liked to believe. All of them were about to risk their lives for me. _Me, _and I was simply going to let them? This is how I was to repay the family that had given me everything?

I jolted at the light contact on my shoulder, only to relax slightly when I realized it was Jake attempting to comfort my frazzled pile of nerves. But not even a smile could ease the knowing look on his face.

"Bells, will you chill out already? You look like you're about to have a seizure."

"I'm fine," I assured him. "Really. I'm just…" I breathed out. Completely and utterly terrified of what was going to happen tonight? "Anxious."

The house was empty. The last of the pack members had left to join the Cullens, Charlie was spending his time with Billy, and I was here, at Emily's place, with Jacob as my only company. His presence alone was the only thing that was keeping me together, otherwise I may as well have had a seizure judging by the way I couldn't sit still for more than a few seconds at a time.

"You want something to eat?" he offered. "We've got, uh, fish and… more fish."

I chuckled halfheartedly, the thought of food causing my stomach to churn violently and I knew if I wasn't careful, he and I would have a rough idea of what I had for breakfast that morning. I couldn't even remember if I _had_ eaten anything. It was surely something I would do when considering other matters of importance.

"I'm not hungry," I muttered. "But thanks."

"Cool, cause uh… I'm not exactly the cooking type," Jake said and took a seat beside me on the couch. I couldn't help but tense up at the proximity he managed to put himself in, the warmth of his body centimeters away, yet it emitted a sense of tranquility I hadn't been able to feel since I was in my vampire's arms.

"Hm… didn't think so." I tilted my head over so it was resting on his shoulder. I liked how warm he was. Sure, it was nothing compared to the coolness of Alice's skin, but it was enough. Now wasn't the time to be picky.

"You're clingy today."

I smiled weakly. "Is that such a bad thing?"

He snorted, and I took that as his way of saying '_as if._' But he kept quiet and instead, slid his arm around my waist, bringing me closer. I was hesitant to do so, of course, knowing that this could very well result into another argument over his feelings for me. But there was something else in this gesture besides affection, almost like he had actually taken my advice and gained some maturity.

"I only mentioned it to get you talking," Jacob pressed on.

"Well, I'm talking now, aren't I?"

"It's different," he muttered, faltering with his words and that alone caused me to glance at him curiously. "You're acting like we don't stand a chance against those bloodsuckers. Have a little faith in us, will ya?"

Sighing, I turned to face the wall across the room, half expecting Victoria to suddenly show up behind the glass window. I shivered at the image. "That's not it. You can't blame me for worrying."

He snorted. "You worry too much, Bells."

"Do I?" I asked, more than a little irked that he wasn't taking this so seriously. "This isn't just about winning against an army of vampires, you know. Anyone from our side is bound to die. Anyone. It… it's not fair."

Jacob fell silent for a moment, briefly absorbing in my words with a stone-like glare. "This is mostly about the Cullens, isn't it?"

"Don't start on that, Jacob," I stated firmly. "You know that's not true."

"Oh, but I'm sure you're more than worried over that precious leech of yours."

"Don't _call _her that!" I hissed, too absorbed in the anger settling upon my chest to interpret the meaning of my words. Not until Jacob caught my eye in a bewildered gaze did I take note of my accidental slip.

"Her?" he uttered and I was forced to snap my mouth shut to refrain from swearing out loud. _Now _he chooses the time to be perceptive? "Last I recall, your boyfriend was a 'him.'"

"Whatever, Jake," I mumbled, and then stood from my seat in hopes of reaching the kitchen before curiosity got the better of him, but to no avail.

"Who'd you think I was talking about?"

I sighed. "Nothing… no one." He didn't look convinced. "You confused me. That's all."

"You can't bullshit your way out of this."

"It's not important," I tried to say, only to blush a darker shade as I went on. It didn't help realizing that even _I _knew my ability to lie was imperfect. Or nonexistent, for a better term. "Just drop it, okay?"

"Like hell I am," he growled, and again I was faced with the possibility of another dispute if I couldn't control the urge to slap him. A punch wouldn't hurt Jacob; in fact, _I'd_ be the one to handle the injury, but maybe a slap would make him see the light. "I know you've been hiding something, but… _damn it_, Bells. What the fuck happened? The old you wouldn't be keeping shit from me."

My eyes quickly flickered over his angry features before I turned to look at the floor, arms crossed over my torso. I hated seeing him like this. It reminded me of the animal dwelling inside him, and although I had absolutely no problem with him being a wolf, I couldn't refrain from feeling cautious in his moments of rage. There was no telling when his emotions could affect his control.

"I'm not myself anymore, Jake. _You _of all people should have realized that by now."

"Yeah, well, I miss the old Bella," he mumbled quietly, but I still heard him. And what was worst was that it hurt.

It was like a deep cut had been inserted in my heart, a painful reminder of what people expected of me. I was no longer the person everyone saw me as – before the Cullens left, and before I had jumped off that cliff. It had changed me in so many ways that, at some point, I had come to regret ever doing it in the first place. "Sorry to disappoint," I stated, trying to keep the resentment out of my tone.

Of course it was pointless. I mean, I couldn't even hide the tears that were beginning to shed.

"Ah… fuck, Bells. I – don't cry. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," Jacob added and grabbed my wrist, essentially stopping me from leaving the room. Glaring at him, he continued. "No, really. I was an ass, okay? I'm just… you know, kinda torn here. I thought we were cool."

I scowled. "Of course we are! And you're right. You are an ass."

"Right, glad you agree, then," he stated, hand on the back of his neck. I could tell he was grinning, though. The jerk. He probably found it amusing that I used profanity. "So then why all the secrecy?"

I shook my head. "You really don't have any respect for privacy, do you?"

"Not when it comes to you."

"Jake, just… stop. Please," I begged. "You're my best friend and you know that. I trust you with my life."

His face softened. "But…?"

"But," I repeated quietly. "There are some things… that should be kept as secrets," I finished for him, my last few moments with Alice springing in my mind and, smiling gently at the memory, I grabbed onto his hand. "At least for now."

Jacob eyed me for several seconds, a calculating look built upon his expression. Satisfied with my response, he nodded. "Fine. But tell me this, Bella. _He _hasn't fucked with you, has he? I swear, if he's even laid a finger on you –"

"No," I answered before he could go on a rampage on the many different ways to kill a vampire, assuming he was talking about Edward, that is. "I know you don't like him, Jacob, but he would never harm me." But then I paused, feeling as though there was something else I should consider. "Not physically, at least."

His hands clenched into tight fists. I was certain he'd of drawn blood if it weren't for his ridiculously hard skin. "And you still choose him over me."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement if nothing else, one deprived of the hope that had once been there in the last few months, when he had fought endlessly to gain my affections. Turns out it was all pointless in the end. "I've found someone, Jake," I whispered and looked at him – I mean _really _looked at him with an understanding I couldn't convey in words. "Someone I love and who can love me back. I think it's time you do the same."

* * *

Hours later I awoke to the soft murmuring coming from the outside, through the closed door of Emily's room. I was at first startled by the noise, seeing that I was supposed to be alone with Jacob, but I calmed down significantly when I recognized the sound of Leah's voice, angry as usual, but it was that tone that prevented me from panicking. At the moment, I was more concerned with the fact that I had fallen asleep. I had no way of knowing how long I had been out for.

Dragging myself off the bed, I made my way to the door and unlocked it, the voices now growing louder as I closed in on the walls and closer to the kitchen. It was still dark outside and judging by the heaviness of the rain, I couldn't have been asleep for more than an hour or two.

"Ow!" the cry of a young boy emerged nearby. "That hurt."

"Quit acting like a baby then. You know it's going to heal soon."

"Yeah, but not soon enough."

"Don't be stupid. I'm not letting you go back out there."

"Leah! Come on!"

"No. You were careless the first time and look what happened to you!"

"It's not that bad…"

"Your sister's right, Seth. You should stay and rest. I'm sure Bella would enjoy the company."

"Where is the vampire girl anyway?"

"Sleeping. And I'd like to keep it that way."

A snort. "Don't get your hopes up. She can't be sleeping if she's right outside the door."

I had tensed up when I was first mentioned, knowing very well that the third voice belonged to Emily and the resentment towards me continued to hold a significant part in Leah's behavior. But knowing that I was caught eavesdropping couldn't even compare.

"Um… hi." It was a pathetic attempt. At least I was able to smile, though, even if I was drowning in humiliation.

As I suspected, Emily was there, and I couldn't be any happier to greet her again even if I had last seen her at the ceremony. Thinking on it now, I would've given anything to go back to that point, when graduating was only a small step in my hectic life.

I paid no mind to Leah, knowing she must've given me a glare as I stepped into the kitchen. If looks could kill, I'd have died more times than I could count.

But what really caught my attention was Seth, whose leg was propped up against the surface of the table with a large gash on the side. With only a dim stream of light hovering above us, I could still see the blood seeping from his wound.

"What happened?" I muttered. Both the sight and scent of blood suddenly had me lightheaded, but not more so than what was typical. I was more concerned with the condition of his injury.

"Like you care," Leah grunted. She didn't bother to look up as her hands were too busy fumbling over the wrappings around her brother's leg. "Damn leech got to him, that's what."

"Leah." Emily frowned. I could tell she wasn't entirely happy with the way I was being treated.

Honestly, I didn't mind all that much. It was like having another Rosalie by my side.

"No, it's okay. I –" Sighing, I decided it was best to leave it at that. There was no use trying to get on Leah's good side, nonetheless get her to like me despite being the very root of her problems. Instead I pulled up a chair and took a seat beside Seth, who looked at me with a curious expression on his face and, grabbing his hand, I gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"You okay there?" I asked him gently. Like Leah, I didn't know him as much as I did the others, but he also wasn't holding a deep hatred for me and my tendency to cause trouble everywhere I went. From the little I did know of him though, he was a good kid.

"Why is everyone asking me that?" He pouted. "I'm fine. See? It's not hurting anymore."

"That's because I fixed it, you twerp."

Smiling softly as the two continued to banter, I turned to face Emily and silently mouthed the same question I had asked when I first entered. _What happened?_

Looking between me and Leah, she walked over to my side and leaned over so we were at level with each other. Whatever she wanted to say, she obviously didn't want the others to hear.

"I'm not completely sure of the details. Apparently Leah was attacked from behind and Seth got involved," she whispered, and glanced over me once more. "His injury isn't as bad as it looks. Leah's just being a tad bit overprotective."

"What does this mean, though?" I inquired, immediately sensing the hesitation in her voice. She was hiding something from me. "For us?"

Again, I was greeted with indecision on her part. "It's… not going so well, Bella."

I stopped breathing altogether.

"We may have underestimated the numbers," she stated softly. "It's turned into a hunt more than anything else."

A curl of nausea sunk to the lower pit of my stomach, causing the panic I was able to control for the time being to course through me at lightning speed. I looked at Emily, and then stared out into the living room until it finally struck me as to what was wrong.

"Where's Jacob?"

This time she didn't answer.

Without another thought, I stood from my seat and left the kitchen, frantically looking everywhere for my keys until I found them on the coffee table. Before I could grab them, however, Emily stopped me by placing a hand on my wrist.

"What're you doing?"

"I have to get out of here," I told her mindlessly, pushing her arm away so I could grab the keys.

"Bella, do you even realize what you're thinking?"

"Of course. Don't you?" I countered. "This wouldn't be happening if it weren't for _me. _I'll serve as a distraction. I don't care. I – I can't just sit here and do nothing!"

"Bella," she uttered. "Bella." She grabbed hold of me again. I barely noticed Leah's frame leaning against the doorway. "Please _listen _to yourself! You won't last a minute if you leave the Reservation!"

"That's because she's after me! They want _me_!" I struggled violently, trying to get away from her strong grasp.

"It's not your battle to fight."

"But it can be mine to prevent."

"By what? Giving up?" she roared in frustration, and I paused momentarily in stunned bewilderment. I had never seen Emily as anything but calm and endearing.

"Let her go, Em," someone said softly. I looked up to see Leah still hadn't moved from her spot beside the kitchen entrance. "If she wants to get herself killed, why stop her?"

"Stay out of this, Leah."

"Why should I?" she went on, her voice cold. "For all we know, keeping her here could risk one of our kind. What would you do then, huh? How would you feel if it were Sam?"

That seemed to have put Emily at a difficult position. Her hold on me had loosened to a barely noticeable grip and her eyes, once desperate in her attempt to stop me from leaving, had fluttered shut in an almost pained expression. Gently, I eased my arm away from hers and took a step back, watching as she continued to stand there with no intention of stopping me.

"I'm sorry," I told her quietly, glancing back a final time before I flung the door open and sprinted to my truck.

There was no time to look back.

I was still worried that one or the other would suddenly change her mind and tackle me to the ground without warning, but no one came, and I had already reached my truck by then.

It was pouring outside. So much that I couldn't see through the windshield as I started the engine and drove off, not calming down all the way until a good five minutes later. My knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so hard, small tremors raking my body and I couldn't tell if it was from the cold or the fact that I eventually admitted to myself that I was scared.

Petrified, actually.

I had acted out of pure instinct and fear, seizing me from the inside and out until I was overwhelmed by the need to do _something._ Anything. I didn't care what it took. As long as no one was killed because of me, then it didn't matter how impulsive my actions were.

Or terrifying.

Or incredibly stupid.

When the tremors refused to stop, I pulled off to the side of the road with no idea where I was or how long it had been. My eyes were stinging from the tears that hadn't shed yet and, shivering over and over again, I placed my forehead against the top of the steering wheel, closing my eyes. I then took a deep breath.

I knew I had to keep moving. The problem is I didn't know where.

Something told me I had already crossed La Push territory, and judging by the way the trees looked as opposed to those on the Reservation, I had to be right. So that meant I was in Forks.

What was I supposed to do now?

Cringing, I let my head rest against one of my arms and eyed the door with morbid interest.

Victoria would surely find me. Sooner or later, she'll catch my scent and take up on that promise to kill me which, looking at it now, could be done with just a flick of her finger.

Running away would defeat the whole purpose of coming out here in the first place. I wanted to _prevent_ a full blown war from erupting, one that could ultimately lead to a few deaths, not trigger a search party for the human who started it all. If they wanted me, they could have me.

They would just have to find me first.

Lifting my head up from the wheel, I wiped away any stray tears from my face and turned the car on. It roared to life and in seconds, I was on the road again, passing by somewhat familiar land I may have happened across once or twice in the past. It still didn't mean I figured out where I was going, but it was fairly relieving to know I wasn't completely lost. The area was a long way away from town. Away from anyone else who could get hurt.

I basked in the temporary comfort for a while longer before it happened, before I could spot the dark figure through the rain as it appeared out of nowhere. Alarmed, I slammed on the breaks as hard as I could, but was only successful in dodging the thing. The wheels screeched against the pavement and I was thrown up against the window. The truck then slid, rotating once and I could practically _feel _the pressure as it came into contact with another source, causing the windows to shatter within impact.

I cried out, my head slamming to the side and through the fragments of glass showering the car, a sharp pain coursed its way down my spine. And for a brief, agonizing moment, I thought it was enough to knock me into oblivion, as the force of the collision had diminished my senses. I couldn't see. My head was spinning and _god, _did it hurt. It was like being enveloped in a blanket of needles, piercing through every inch of my skin until it clouded my mind.

It didn't matter whether I moved or not. The pain would follow.

It only hurt more when I raised my head.

I was bleeding. I wasn't sure where, considering the rain had obscured the warm wetness that I should've felt, but instead that was replaced by the bitter, coppery scent of blood. A sudden rush of nausea returned to uncurl in my stomach and, gasping, I reached across the seat and tugged at the door.

It wouldn't open.

Again I tried, but my arms were too sore to try and wrench it open. Besides, it looked like what I had crashed into was a tree and the blow had made a giant dent against the side, locking it in place. Weakly, I looked over to the other side, where the damage was nowhere near as severe, yet I had no choice but to cross over the shattered pieces of glass if I wanted to get out. They stuck to my pants as I crawled through and onto the passenger seat, one of them slicing my hand open before I could shift positions. I winced, but kept going, pulling at the door handle until, finally, it unfastened.

I fell to the ground with a cry, landing on my hands and knees. Flipping over, I forced myself to lie on my stomach despite the water that soaked through my clothes, and then gently eased myself to the front of the truck. My entire body ached. I didn't see how I could manage to stand up without crumbling to my feel like a ragdoll.

"Fuck," I hissed, grabbing my leg. Now I knew where the blood was coming from.

I clenched my teeth until the pain faded to a dull throbbing. Deciding it was best if I wait it out and tend to my injuries, I leaned my back against the cool, hard metal and grabbed hold of the hem of my shirt. I tore a piece off, looking over my right leg and cradling it when I noticed the blood seeping from my outer thigh.

There was a shard of glass embedded inside.

I bit my lip. This wasn't going to be pretty.

Clasping the end of the shard between my fingers, I hesitated before I yanked, swallowing the whimper that made its way to my throat. I threw it to the side, not bothering to look at how large it was, and instead focused on covering the wound with the shred of cloth I stripped off my shirt. It didn't do much, but at least it added pressure to the wound.

And that's when I heard it. A twig snapped, followed by some clapping.

I froze.

"My, my," a voice drawled nearby. I whipped my head to the left, knowing that's where it had come from, but I couldn't see anything but darkness and the shadowy outlines of hulking trees. "You truly _are _a magnet for trouble. Poor thing."

The clapping stopped. This time the voice came from the right, female in terms of pitch, but at the same time low and almost… predatory. The sound of it made me shiver with an unimaginable fear that seized my heart and sent it pounding as if it were ready to burst out of my chest. I remembered that voice.

I remembered _her. _

"You'd have my pity, but honestly I was far too entertained to care," she stated, and with a flash of red, I sensed a presence right beside me. "Your blood is, after all…" Through my tightly closed eyes, I could smell her aroma. Feel the coolness of her proximity as she leaned forward, lips to my ear. "_Exquisite_."

And she was gone, forcing me to look up at the figure leaning carelessly against a tree.

I've long since known what to expect, what to see, yet I was consumed by the need to stare at her as if she held some sort of allure to her goddess-like form, which she did. Her skin was unnaturally pale, giving her an almost ghostly demeanor against the darkness and her eyes… even from this far, I could tell they were as red as her hair.

"What? No greeting?" she asked, pushing herself off the tree. I eyed her with caution as she took a few steps forward, hips swaying along the way. "You humans can be so… insulting at times. Tell me, sweetie, what's a helpless girl like you doing on the side of the road?"

I didn't answer. Instead I looked away so I could calm my raging emotions, but it only lasted for a second or two before I caught sight of her pale white blur again and I was lifted from the ground, shoved up beside the rear of my truck. The strength of her push was enough to knock the wind out of me.

I gasped.

"I don't appreciate being ignored, you know," she stated plainly, arms pinned to my waist. She added a bit more force when I still didn't reply, ramming my spine hard against the metal.

I whimpered a response.

"What was that, honey? I didn't quite catch that," she said softly, face inches from my own.

"I-I don't know," I stuttered.

"You don't? Ah, well, how about this one?" she purred, gently brushing away a few locks of wet hair from my forehead. "You're here. All alone. And no one within a mile radius to hear you shout," she whispered huskily. "Where's your beloved Alice when you need her?"

I tensed beneath her hold, eyes widening.

She couldn't –

No.

"I assume I'm right, then," she added, chuckling. "Why you little _tramp_. And here I thought you were the mind reader's mate, when all along you've been sleeping around. How typical for a human." She traced a finger lightly across my neck and up my cheek, leaving a trail of tingles in its path. "What a shame. Killing you wouldn't be the same if all you are to them is a toy. But no matter," she continued, her lips curling into a demented smile. "I'm sure he'll miss his sister just as much."

I don't know why I did it, or why I even tried, but something in me snapped at that point, blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. "Don't you _dare_ touch her! Let me go, damn it! Let me –" I swung my hand to her face, fully expecting to slap her without a thought to the damage that it would inflict on me, but it never happened. She caught my hand in hers and, stretching my fingers all the way back, I heard the sickening crunch of bones breaking.

The pain came afterward.

An agonizing scream ripped through my throat and tore into the night, followed by a heavy blow to my chest. I felt myself flying into the air and onto the ground, my face smothered by a fresh coat of mud. I rolled over once, releasing a choked sob, and somewhere from my peripheral vision I saw her kneel before me.

"Hmm, feisty. I like it." She grabbed a fistful of my hair. "Do you know what else I like?" she asked, tilting my head up so I could meet her gaze through tearstained eyes. "Your screams."

I was greeted by the same excruciating pain as before, only this time on my other hand. It shot through my arm like wildfire and spread throughout my body, causing me to thrash against a firm pressure holding me back. But no matter what I did, the pain wouldn't go away. It was just _there_. Eating me from the inside.

"Kill me! Please! Just kill me already!" I screeched.

"Kill you?" she mocked, as if the idea were ridiculous. "Honey, we're only just getting started. And I'm not going to kill you," she went on, burying her nose into my neck. She inhaled deeply and I shuddered as her cool tongue met my skin, breath hovering over my ear. "I'm going to _break you._"

Then she smiled at me, the look in her eye screaming predator and immediately after that, a fierce strike was hammered into my stomach, right between the ribs.

_Crack._

Oh god.

I could smell the blood. I could feel it, too, leaving my body and soaking through my clothes at an alarming speed. But _nothing _could compare to the sheer agony of it all.

I choked on a sharply drawn breath and threw my head back, letting out a violent howl.

This was a different kind of pain. It was the kind of pain that consumed every cell in your being and turned them to ash.

The kind that jabbed you with a thousand fiery needles sinking beneath your skin.

Tearing away at your flesh.

Burning it to crisp.

In the background I could hear someone calling my name, telling me to run. And I tried, but I couldn't see.

I couldn't _breathe._

At all.

Every pant I took elicited a shrill ache clawing away at my lungs, in turn dislodging the blood that was crammed in my throat. I coughed it up, rasping in the process.

More blood.

I felt numb.

My heartbeat slowed. I gave up on trying to crawl away from the sound of thunder roaring across the clearing or the voices echoing in my head.

And then I heard it again. My name. Only I paid no mind to whose voice it belonged to before I slipped into unconsciousness.

Instead I wondered if there really is a life after death.


End file.
